Oklahoma Capitol - Marine Drill Instructor, Kevin McDugle caused a period of chaos at the Oklahoma capitol, last week. At 0600 hours, McDougle (a newly elected Representative) arrived through the east tunnel with a loud growl which was heard from the east parking lot and all the way to the 5th floor rotunda area.
By the time the sleepy state troopers working security at the metal detector station figured out what they were in for, the freshman Representative had;
"This house is going to be run orderly!", McDugle charged. "This is a house of order! From the rest rooms to the copier rooms. Do you hear me? I ... can't... hear ... you?".
Not one to coddle whiners, McDugle screamed for them to get up, quit sniveling and run twice around the governor's mansion grounds.
By the time they returned through the east tunnel, the floor leader-designate, Rep. Jon Echols, had arrived to diffuse the situation. He drew McDugle aside and assured him that fellow Marine, John Bennett would handle the troopers' lack of discipline.
U.S.— A number of news outlets, including CNN, Fox News, and NBC, are calling the presidential election in favor of Jesus Christ, who is still sovereignly reigning from His throne on high, sources confirmed late Tuesday.
News organizations were closely tracking votes tallied for Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and the various third-party candidates into the night, but by 11:00 p.m. EST, the majority of major television channels and news sites agreed that the Lord Jesus was still sovereign over all creation.
“We’ve got to go ahead and call this thing for Jesus,” Wolf Blitzer said on CNN’s live Election Day coverage.
“We’ve crunched the numbers every which way, and based on our careful calculations of all the electoral college votes available, Jesus is still before all things, and in him all things still hold together, as the word of God says.”
“Clearly God continues to be in complete in control of everything as He reigns in glory,” he added.
OTTAWA, ONT--With Election Day 2016 finally here, Canadian officials have put in place emergency measures to prepare for a large influx of American refugees, no matter which candidate ends up winning the bitter, controversial race for the White House.
The nation has reportedly prepared refugee camps, refugee relocation centers, and other measures to get ready for the Trump or Hillary supporters who vowed to flee to Canada during the election.
“We’re scrambling to implement our last-minute contingency plans to prepare for the millions of displaced, disillusioned Americans who have promised to move up here if their candidate does not win the election", Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told the press.
“This is not just an American problem, or a Canadian problem. It is a human rights problem,” he added.
Trudeau further stated the nation was terribly sorry about its lack of proper accommodations, and apologized several times for the weather.
Sources were also able to confirm that the hastily thrown-together refugee naturalization program would include education on Canadian customs such as storing milk in bags, eating at Tim Horton’s, and watching a popular sport known as “hockey.”
U.S.—Early reports indicate that votes not posted about on social media may not count toward the vote tally in the 2016 presidential race.
Election officials were able to confirm that voters who do not post at least one picture of themselves in a voting line, wearing an “I Voted” sticker, or at bare minimum tweet about how they voted might see their ballots tossed out as illegitimate.
“Fulfilling your civic duty is more than sharing an ‘I Voted’ sticker selfie, but it’s certainly not less,” election official Justin Gilbert said. “To that end, officials will be looking for hard proof of each individual’s vote, in the form of Instagram, Facebook, and/or Twitter photos. We advise sharing these images to every single social media account you use, just to be safe.”
“So get out there and vote, but more importantly, tell everyone about it. Loudly. All day long.”
This revelation could put a wrinkle in earlier election predictions, especially in key swing states like Florida, North Carolina, New Hampshire, and Nevada.
“Frankly, the more millennials your state has, the better,” Gilbert explained. “Since self-referential social media posts will likely be decisive this year, areas with sizable elderly populations are at a severe disadvantage. Telegrams, handwritten letters, and e-mails from AOL or Juno simply do not count.”