OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – As the 2003 legislative session winds down, Oklahoma’s trial lawyers are breathing a sigh of relief. At the beginning of the session, Gov. Brad Henry had promised tort reforms that would be “stronger than Texas.” With two weeks left in the session, Henry has backed off of this statement, and now promises reforms that are “stronger than Texas football.”
After mounting an intense lobbying effort against lawsuit reform, trial lawyers have now resumed fulltime mustache twirling, as well as kidnapping damsels and tying them to railroad tracks. “Finally, I can relax again,” said part-time trial lawyer Sen. Stratton Taylor, D-Oklahoma City.
With the threat to jackpot justice nearly behind him, Taylor has resumed wearing a the black top hat and monocle that is the uniform of the American Trial Lawyer Association. “With tort reform essentially emasculated, the people of Oklahoma are the winners,” said Taylor. “Lawyers can finally get back to eating babies and kicking puppy dogs.”
Trial lawyers are not the only party to benefit from Henry’s flaccid reform promises. The state’s workers compensation providers are eagerly awaiting the governor’s limp-wristed and toothless reform proposals.
At press time, some had even resumed covering themselves in goat’s blood and sacrificing chickens to Baal.
“Thank goodness we have a governor who fights for the people, not millionaire special interests,”
said Taylor, himself a millionaire trial lawyer who was especially interested in the legislation. “I haven’t had time to kill a kitten in months.”
RSS Feed
