<![CDATA[Sooner Politics.org - Dubiosity]]>Fri, 27 Feb 2026 13:04:53 -0600Weebly<![CDATA[CDC Issues Updated Pandemic Helmet Protocols]]>Fri, 07 May 2021 15:59:25 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/cdc-issues-updated-pandemic-helmet-protocols

Helmets Recommended While Wearing Masks, Due To Fainting Risks.

  Dr. Anthony Fauci now recognizes the risks of fainting due to lack of oxygen when strenuously working or exercising while wearing the necessary masks which have saved the human race. The risks of overheating in hot summer temps is yet another reason for mandating a full head protection advisory for the entire USA.
  Showering and swimming helmets are now available, as well. 
  "Until we reach acceptable herd immunity, significant risks are present for severe injury & death"; said the medical advisory council press statement. "Kids on the playground are getting hurt when fainting from lack of oxygen. Especially when multiple layers of masks are restricting airflow."
  Joggers and Zumba class participants report severe harms from fainting & subsequent falls.  This is now a national health emergency and must be met with a strong public policy of preventing head trauma.
  Municipalities are now drafting ordinances and governors are consulting with state medical authorities to set mandates for entry into mass transit and public buildings.
  In a related move, a separate policy is being developed for wearing personal floatation devices on land, when crossing bridges, or walking near fountains or creeks. 
​ It's not known if rain forecasts will also trigger life vests outside the home or while bathing & showering.
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Government workers may soon be issued safety helmets with protect masks from slippage.
The CDC in our headline refers to the Crazy Dingbat Council.
]]><![CDATA[Urban Thug Response Plan]]>Sun, 18 Oct 2020 18:47:11 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/urban-thug-response-plan
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It's important to know when the community is in danger.

​To help, we created this chart.

URBAN THUG RESPONSE PLAN
​

​Tragedy happens -
Disaster happens -
Sports team loses -
Sports team wins -
National holiday - 
Police controversy -
Lack social events -
Nothing fun to do -
Feeling rowdy -
Manhood impugned -
Need a date -
Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​​
]]><![CDATA[Hey, Let's Make A Federal Flag Desecration Law!]]>Wed, 24 Jun 2020 01:51:42 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/hey-lets-make-a-federal-flag-desecration-law
  Last Saturday I sat in the local arena while President Trump voiced an initiative to create a federal statute against burning the 'American Flag'. He wants a 1 year jail sentence for anyone convicted of burning their own flag.
  Immediately I thought.. Where was this guy when the Supreme Court followed Justice Scalia's lead and issued an affirmation of freedom of expression regarding what someone does with their own flag?
  We're not talking about destroying other people's property or even starting a fire in city hall. This proposal strictly criminalizes the act of 'desecrating a specific nation's banner, just because of the meaning attached to that banner.
  In 1989, I thought Scalia was a disaster pick for the Supreme Court when he issued his ruling. Now I've come to see the essential constitutional requirement of forbearance when someone insults my republic in this way. It's essential to who we are, that we extend that liberty for some ungrateful idiot to do such foolish & spiteful things.
  But I also recall how states & municipalities took things even further and created more laws about wearing garments which resemble the US flag. Is it disrespectful to wipe your mouth with a flag napkin? How about using the flag as a sweatband or towel?
  What about a kid stomping on his flag-emblazoned skateboard?  If I crash into a vehicle with a US flag design painted on it, have I desecrated it?
  And then I read that the greatest insult folks recoil from is when someone burns a flag. So how does an obedient subject retire the tattered flag? Yep, He's supposed to respectfully burn it. But that's okay because he has love in his heart when he retires it. the flag is still reduced to a pile of ashes whether by a protester's flame or a loving patriot's torch. But only one of them gets a federal conviction...?

​Here's what I read from another sarcastic source..
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​Displaying a flag like a banner, such as the American flag, is the typical way to show a flag. In fact, we've Seen It a Million Times, in America.
Basically, it's become a Cliche. Anyone can show off a flag like that... if they have a pole and a way to secure the flag to it. These days, there are plenty of better ways to show off flags, especially the American flag.


Perhaps you can paint the flag all over your car, preferably an American made car. Or you can get a tattoo. Or you can make clothing out of the flag. That way you know your clothes are made in America... as long as it's the American flag.


Heck, why stick with the same old flag designs? Flags change all the time, like the American flag. Perhaps you can have some fun with the flag, and put your cool new design on a T-shirt. I'd say "an American made T-shirt," but we all know that now T-shirts are made in China!


Particularly amusing is the ubiquitous use of the American flag for all this, when the US flag code has such great lines as: "The flag should not be used as 'wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery,'"

and "The flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform."

Since the Flag Code does not have the force of law, and since the American Supreme Court has said things like flag burning are protected free speech, this does nothing to stop any of the more creative uses of the American flag.

You must make sure that your flag is displayed correctly, however, because flying an American flag upside-down is a way to call for help, and you don't want to look pathetic while wearing your flag, now do you?


Either way, have fun with your cool way to show off your flag, but it helps if your flag has a cool design in the first place. Also, you should first make sure this is actually legal in your country, like America (and America today, a few decades ago it was quite illegal)!
​
Often overlaps with Captain Geographic, and occasionally overlaps with Goofy Print Underwear (when the flag's not on your head).
A Super-Trope to Flag Bikini.
Compare Sigil Spam, Symbol Motif Clothing.
Not to be confused with Star-Spangled Spandex.
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]]><![CDATA[Poor Richard's Pandemic Almanac]]>Thu, 16 Apr 2020 13:30:48 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/poor-richards-pandemic-almanac
  Public Health Advisor and therapist, Richard Engle; penned the collective & unabridged set of public health advisories from the various & self-anointed ministries of health.
  We're reposting by permission (assuming he grants it), so you can at least understand in the clearest possible ways; what your public servants need you to know.
  After all, it's their job to make you feel safe and protected, as only the govt. can give such assurances.
​ It would be funny if it weren't so sadly true. OK, its funny anyway. So let's get to it..
​

Poor Richard's Health Almanac


Here are the official Coronavirus guidelines:
1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.  (continued..)
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Poor Richard's Health Almanac

​ 
Here are the official Coronavirus guidelines:
1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.
7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT.
8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.
9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my..
12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out, well, but no…
13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
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​14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.
16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with " I don't want to trigger panic, but…"
18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof.
20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of…
24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?

Note: Richard insists that we make the following disclaimer:  It is gathered from various sources and edited by richard Engle.


  Richard Engle is a multi-talented writer & public speaker. He has served in local govt. & political party leadership.
  His novel, 'The Last American President' details the impact of bloated and corrupt govt. and the detrimental impact it can have on a great nation.
]]><![CDATA[EYS Releases Master Pandemic Prepper List]]>Thu, 12 Mar 2020 21:46:32 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/eys-releases-master-pandemic-prepper-list
  With the whole world clamouring about an exotic new designer stain of virus spreading across the world within weeks, the focus is properly upon what behaviors most jeopardize our health, and ultimately our lives.
 So we turned to the Center for disease control to find out what are the top 10 causes of death.
​
"Americans are doing too much living, and it's killing them"; said Emma Matheson, chairman of the  EYS study group. Abstaining from the most dangerous behaviors and proactively implementing safeguards will make a huge difference in how long you live.

  This was not as clarion as we'd hoped. It seems your dangers are statistically tied to your particular demographics.  So as not to get too thick in the weeds, we decided to list the 10 biggest dangers by age group.
  Then we compiled a no-nonsense list of preventative measures to insure the least amount of risk to not only your life, but also your youthful good health.
  The pie charts below have 6 age groups   You'll see the 10 listed causes of the most death. We're adding a column to the right of each box, to detail some ways you can limit your risks.

  Influenza viruses never made the top 5 causes of death in any demographic we studied.
Delay infant mobility, such as crawling & walking. 

Stay away from playgrounds and other attractions
​
Don't smile at strangers or wear cute outfits
Wear protective armor at all times. 

avoid athletic & fitness fads. 

Begin psychotherapy early

Avoid romantic entanglements which cause despair when terminated.
Avoid jobs, especially physical occupations.

Stay connected to your therapist

Outdoor sports are an extreme risk!
  Avoid all radiation sources, such as wifi, cellphones, TVs, microwaves, & smart meters,
​
Stop strenuous work and exercises which effect your heart.

​Stay out of vehicles & off dangerous roads.
  You're far less likely to die at work or in athletic pursuits.

  Don't stress your heart. refrain from confrontational dialogue with neighbor kids walking on your lawn.

Stay away from cellphones, TVs, wifi, & microwaves
You're unlikely to die from athletic accidents.

But you can't consume anything which might clog arteries.

Sugar is safer than bacon for you.(statistically)
]]><![CDATA[PSL Calls For Twirling Ban Legislation]]>Wed, 29 Jan 2020 17:45:51 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/psl-calls-for-twirling-ban-legislation
PictureDr. Margaret Gulch - PSL-OK
The Pediatric Sobriety League of Oklahoma has called for legislation to put restrictions & safeguards on children's activities, citing head injuries and mental illness among the tragic consequences associated with the mind altering vices. **
 Dr. Margaret Gulch of the PSL-OK said; "We must stop the exploitation of our children.". She went on to call for a 1000ft zoning regulation to keep gymnastics academies away from our schools and churches. The group plans to ask Rep. Jim Olsen to amend his Dispensary bill to include these gymnastics academies, which the PSL claims are so harmful.
  The Senate  Health & Human Services Committee may also take up the issue. Statistics show that more of our at-risk children are harmed by twirling than by prescription drugs and vaccinations.
  The OSSAA is also asked to keep figure skating & ballet out of the organized competitions sponsored by the high school league.
  "The pressure to perform & compete is just one more way that children are exploited by shady figures who open dance academies and other greedy pursuits.", said Miss Gulch, a pediatric addictions specialist. "They're a menace to the community! They encourage immodesty in society."
 We asked if the PSL was open to compromise measures?
  "Certainly, helmets are essential to surviving childhood. The protective headgear devices must be mandatory for all newborns to be released from hospital maternity wards.", the group indicated.  
  Regarding the addictions cited by the group, we asked them to elaborate..
  "It all starts in the home. When children are exposed to twirling, they become addicted to the rush, and demand amusement park visits and even travel to Orlando, Arlington, or other mega amusement parks."
  We asked if this is a new problem?
   "It started with the Tilt-a-whirl. When county fairs allowed that addictive vice to remain, a whole new industry began building more and more predatory itinerant indulgences. That also coincides with increased teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases."
Then a minister in the group added; " Eventually, Rock & Roll music and extreme sports just added to the trance-like state of addiction."
We asked if amusement parks should all be banned, in Oklahoma?
"If we can't do that, we can at least file legislation to enact a county option, and state licenses for dangerous amusements need to be raised from the current $2500 to $10,000."
** This is a satire article, intended not only to amuse, but also to underscore some very serious matters. Sometimes the best way to expose the ridiculous, is to employ the absurd. The content is not literal.
]]><![CDATA[How Did A Retired Rancher Get Banned From Tractor Supply Store]]>Sun, 24 Nov 2019 12:46:29 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/how-did-a-retired-rancher-get-banned-from-tractor-supply-store
  I've just received a letter from a reader.  You need to read it and defend the rights of our retirees. 
  "Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of my dog's food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout, when the clerk asked me if I had a dog? What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.
  I added that I probably shouldn't, because ! ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
  Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her, 'no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear end & a car hit me.' I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
​ I'm now banned from Tractor Supply. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of things to say."
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Don't mock a big chain checkout clerk or make her look bad in front of other customers. The boss don't like it. They have a hard enough time, filling those low-pay jobs.
Disclaimer:
  We don't censor these free speech expressions. That's for our readers to do.
]]><![CDATA[Muskogee Illuminati Holds Secret Conference]]>Sat, 23 Nov 2019 04:21:50 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/muskogee-illuminati-holds-secret-conference
  A shadowy group of bankers, former politicians, media companies, and clergy met in secret over the past 3 days, in The Sequoyah Lodge Resort, in Rural Cherokee County. The state-run lodge refused to confirm or deny the event or share any details of the guests.  
  Speculations are rampant about the nature of the group or what their goals might be. Some believe it was a group of investors seeking some state govt. concession on tax breaks to help boost the undisclosed ventures. 
  One trash can had a map with Interstate 50 drawn through northern Oklahoma, & spanning from Las Vegas to Birmingham.
 Still others overheard talk in the lounge regarding A change in the state code to allow tax-exempt sales of medical marijuana when the dispensary is owned by a church or other 501C3 charitable nonprofit entity.
  One maintenance worker said he overheard talk of pitching to the legislature a proposed rebuilding of Fountainhead Lodge, on Lake Eufaula.  The worker said one Republican at the meeting insisted that the reason why the old Fountainhead failed was due to Democrat management and kickbacks to Gene Stipe's cronies.
  One housecleaning staffer said she only knows they didn't tip any of of the cleaning crews.
#SatireSaturday
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Will I-50 be built across northern Oklahoma?

  We're going to keep working on this lead until we get a solid story to report. Any information the public can provide will be especially helpful.  Please write to Dewey@SoonerPolitics.org
]]><![CDATA['Dog Whistles' With Double Meanings]]>Sun, 06 Oct 2019 14:03:42 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/dog-whistles-with-double-meanings
  Did you just affirm your allegiance to Satan & his AntiChrist? According to the logic used by conspiracy nuts, you may be condemned to hell and bearing the mark of the beast?
  The nutty echo chambers of the Anti Defamation League have gone off the deep end and lost their tether ropes. they are adrift without any orientation to objective truth.
  What better time to enjoin them with more of their own skewed rationale and indulge them yet more theories, using the proven altered reality of a deep state self justification.
  The leftists at the Anti Defamation League just published a claim to the effect that the sign language gesture of well being and contentment, is somehow a dark and evil conspiracy to promote a racist agenda from caucasian roots.
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Barack Obama was raised by his white mother & grandparents.
  In the weeks to come, we'll expose the dark hidden meaning of;
  • closed fist,
  • open fist,
  • thumb extended, and
  • finger extended (all 4 versions)
  The ADL posted this 'WP' image on their database of 'Hate Symbols'. at this link.
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]]><![CDATA[Beto Takes Pride In His Shame]]>Tue, 16 Jul 2019 16:29:08 GMThttps://www.soonerpolitics.org/dubiosity/beto-takes-pride-in-his-shame
  White guilt is the new sacrament of caucasian proselytes to the socialist global new order.
  Beto O'Rourke wants the world to know that he has completed his discovery of debased self worth. 
  Yesterday he jubilantly announced to the world that his dispicable white family was a slave-owning bunch.
  Now, to most families this would be a thing of quiet dishonor and perhaps a reason to draw together the grandchildren and explain the facts in a supportive environment of love, encouragement, and grief counseling.
  But Beto is a leftist Democrat politician, so he has a different prescribed process of dealing with it.
  He believes that his great, great, grandparent's behavior now makes him the best leftist candidate to move the culture and the nation past this issue.
  Cards & lettering of consoling will do nothing to help Beto.  Beto is proud. Proud of his shame. It's a pride he should be ashamed of, But it is, instead; a shame that he's proud of.
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