Dubiosity

Sociologists Prepare For Rare Kevin Stitt Balloting

6/24/2018

Stitt Expected to Cast Ballot
by Rick Carpenter
(Tulsa) - Mortgage banker Kevin Stitt has indicated that he plans to vote in the Tuesday Republican primary. The event will be watched closely by social-scientists since it will be the 8th time Stitt has voted in this century. Also, it will mark the first time Stitt has voted in a Republican primary for Governor.

Records indicate there have been more appearances of solar eclipses in Oklahoma in this century, than appearances of Kevin Stitt at a polling place. Asked if he knew where his polling place was, Stitt said, “I’m pretty sure my wife does, ain’t she beautiful.”

“I see all of these TV ads with my name on them and it makes me feel like my vote matters” said Still. “I think I should try it again, like jumping out of an airplane.”

Yard Sign Thiefs Get Instant Punishment

6/16/2018

If you're a campaign enthusiast who wants to exercise your free speech & free press rights, I applaud you.
If your 'neighbor' (and I use that word loosely) doesn't respect your rights, he's an enemy of our nation's constitution. He needs to be deterred for the sake of liberty.
The last election cycle was very contentious and it demonstrates itself by the many videos on Youtube.
We're posting one of the videos for deterrent purposes. If you trespass onto private property and for the intent to damage, deface, or steal others' property, You will be caught, eventually. But even if you aren't prosecuted by the courts, you will possibly be prosecuted by a vigilante citizen, like this video illustrates.
Now, if you're whining about signs disappearing from public right-of-way, go tell someone who cares. You're abusing the public. Sure, maybe you'll say; " the opponent did it first". I really don't care to hear you whine.

You Just Broke 6 Oklahoma Traffic Statutes

5/24/2018

We love to laugh at some of the archaic Oklahoma statutes that no lawmaker ever thought to remove from the state code. But few people laugh when you and I violate some clearly written laws about the proper use of our common roads with our massive machinery of transportation. Owning and operating a motorized vehicle is a very liberating part of western civilization. 100 years ago, most of us were more likely to own a horse than an automobile.
But time and innovation have led to major changes in how we live and spend our govt. resources. And the rules for taking your personal transportation machinery onto the public roads have gotten necessarily complexed. If you can't comprehend and conform to these standards, you'll probably kill yourself or someone else; unless the law steps in and confiscates your wealth until either you feel the pain and conform, or confiscates your license to drive at all.
Here are 6 traffic statutes you probably broke. No, Barney Fife may not have cited you for them, but the consequences are still deadly.

The 6 laws you broke and why you need to quit doing that.

Prostitutes Arrested At Capitol Grounds

4/27/2018

OKLAHOMA CITY - As the session of the legislature enters the vital last few days, the Oklahoma City police were called to the capitol on an anonymous tip. The complaint cited was that a few prostitutes were moving in on turf which a rival group was operating in.
Officer Jones of the OKC vice Squad said; "It remains illegal to solicit personal services for a fee unless the 'john' is registered. And this 'john' was clearly not a lobbyist for a proper corporate interest."
Jones added; "lawmakers are the only individuals not prohibited by law, whereas other common prostitutes will aggressively be prosecuted for soliciting".
So both the unidentified man & the prostitute were cited, because he was not previously registering as a lobbyist prior to offering money for services at the state capitol, and she was not covered by legislative immunity.
"When you offer money in this capitol complex for these kinds of special favors, law enforcement has a duty to regulate it."
The members of the legislature have explicitly exempted only themselves [for obvious reasons], but everyone else must follow the law."
One unidentified lawmaker expressed relief about the arrest; "What's this place coming to?" he said.

Back at the station, Captain Anderson released this statement;
"On behalf of the OKCPD, let me say that we don't write the law, We just enforce it because that's how an orderly society must operate."

Oklahoma House Suspends Rules To Call In Concessions On the Chamber Floor

3/15/2018

The capitol vending machines were draining at a rapid clip and the cold sandwich choices were down to something labeled 'Olive Loaf' and a 'MeatLoaf' that looked less appetizing than canned dog food.

Larry Culpepper was seen up in the Oklahoma House gallery, providing soft drinks to the lobbyists and families from the Epic Charter students who were at the capitol. Here Larry helps the Nurse of the Day to find a Farm Bureau lobbyist who's having a sugar crash in the south gallery.

The house just voted on a suspension of house rules during this marathon day.
The motion is to allow food on the floor of the House.

Those who voted YES, hadn't eaten.
Those who DIDN'T vote were down the hall, in line at the vending machine.
Those who voted NO, had already come back from the vending machine.

Democrats were disappointed because most of them had cut in nearer the front of the long line and they sensed a potential voting edge on the rest of the agenda.
But Jason Dunnington was better prepared. He had brought in some milk & a selection of his massive stash of Samoas, Thin Mints, and other Girl Scout cookie favorites.

The Ammunitionist Movement

3/6/2018

My friend, 'Machine Gun Mel', gave a tour of his home and bunker, recently.

He said he used to be an advocate for hunting, shooting sports, and self defense. But now he says he was complicit in the statists' effort to abridge his right to be prepared to resist the tyrannical govt.

Here's his press release;

"I repent of my statist, timid groveling of the govt. for what is already mine."

"Where others have been content to chip away at confiscationist policies and pleading for a less abridged list of approved arms, I am repenting that I was ever counted among them."

"All arms, including the projectiles, are fully constitutional for Americans to possess."

" It's not enough that I be pro-gun. I am committed to being an Ammunitionist!". - Mel

"I Repent of Being Pro-Gun. Now I'm An Amunitionist"

3/6/2018

My friend, 'Machine Gun Mel', gave a tour of his home and bunker, recently.

He said he used to be an advocate for hunting, shooting sports, and self defense. But now he says he was complicit in the statists' effort to abridge his right to be prepared to resist the tyrannical govt.

Here's his press release;

"I repent of my statist, timid groveling of the govt. for what is already mine."

"Where others have been content to chip away at confiscationist policies and pleading for a less abridged list of approved arms, I am repenting that I was ever counted among them."

"All arms, including the projectiles, are fully constitutional for Americans to possess."

" It's not enough that I be pro-gun. I am committed to being an Ammunitionist!". - Mel

Proctor Leads Sofa Recycling Effort

2/26/2018

by Dewey Fudge, for Dubiosity - Retiring State Rep., Eric Proctor, is leading a recycling effort to give a new future to beloved family sofas whose frames have broken down. He sports a stylish former sofa from his East Tulsa constituent's living room.
He said of his latest wardrobe addition (a hunter green plaid with a Sissertail yellow accent; "Some days a fella in this chamber would rather just blend into the floor carpet."
He adds that the Scotch Guard anti-stain treatment evidently never wears out. He finds that especially helpful when confronted with petroleum executives who want to keep their full tax credit, even though his district's families were forced to give up their Earned Income Credit & lost their Insure Oklahoma healthcare policies.
The recycling campaign brouchure simply says;
"Please don't throw away your old sofa. Our struggling legislators face a pay cut & they can repurpose your upholstery into a fine blazer, worthy of the halls of state."

Retiring State Rep., Eric Proctor, sports a stylish former sofa from his East Tulsa constituent's living room.

OKGOP Re-election Committee Announces 'Fiscal Conservative Blitz', Beginning After Session Adjourns

2/21/2018

From the Satirical services of Dewey Fudge -

House & Senate Leadership met with Gov. Fallin, today. Their Press briefing outlined the upcoming June primary election message.
"We will be rolling out a major media ad buy beginning Memorial Day weekend", said Senate Pro Temp Mike Schultz. "There will be events in every House & Senate district where incumbents seeking a new term will listen with sincere expressions of humility and self loathing.".
Gov. Mary Fallin pledged to do all she could to join every incumbent in major campaign events. Fallin is convinced that her popularity with pro-life and pro-gun groups will play strong to the GOP base.
"I believe the time to recount past records is unhelpful. We must renew the call for fiscal conservatism and legislative oversight." Fallin said the narrative is only going to be advanced after her newest budget signing. "Until that budget signing takes place, none of this new messaging will be helpful."

Look for GOP incumbents to resume church attendance in their districts, especially visiting the largest congregations. There will be social media videos of lawmakers playing T-ball with their kids. Those who don't have kids will suddenly become 'Big Brothers & Sisters', on a 6 month commitment.

GOP Leaders at the capitol discuss the 30 day blitz campaign that will commence on Memorial Day weekend.

A New Legislative Tradition of Festivus

12/20/2017

Some of the more intriguing developments in Oklahoma Special Sessions happened when daily floor sessions prepare to gavel out for the day. They ask for and entertain announcements for committees, caucuses, and other events.
You can look this one up in the legislative journal for December 19th, 2017 (you just cant make this kinda stuff up)
Collin Walke is one freshman Democrats in the House who asked that all freshmen of the chamber come to a bipartisan caucus immediately after the daily adjournment.
That's when 6th term Democrat, Eric Proctor, announced & entered into the House Record that; "the Festivus Annual Airing of Grievances is meeting in 5 minutes".
It could well be that Colin & Eric were referring to the same meeting? We hope to hear a report of how it went.

Dubiosity

Dewey Fudge provides his perspective from satirical sources and the trash cans of Sooner Politics

We seek to avail our readers of all the news perspectives and writing styles. To this end, we present the world without gravitas or literality.

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