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Author’s Note: The following article is written in a long-forgotten language called: satire. If you are an American politician who has recently returned from the Wailing Wall or been named in the Epstein files, you should only continue reading after consulting with a physician.
It’s the 11th day of the Iran war.
Bombs are falling all over the Middle East. The stock market is tanking. Gas prices are skyrocketing. Home prices are out of control.
The only growth sector in America’s economy right now: Ben Shapiro’s eyebrows.
Let’s discuss.
Here’s the before and after photos to remind you that Ben Shapiro had the usual Palm Beach metrosexual micro-tweeze look just a few months ago.
So what in the world happened to his face?
There’s no official word from his news agency The Daily Wire about this sudden appearance change. Did Ben have eyebrow transplants? Is he trying to start a new look called eyebrow-maxxing? Did he glue two beaver pelts above his eyes to increase his audience?
Whatever it is — it’s pure Chabad genius.
The new look has taken the Internet by storm. Articles are being written about it in fashion magazines. Discussion threads are buzzing in our college dorms.
Even young girls are embracing the trend.
Here’s Ben’s make-up artist explaining “the look” in a make-up tutorial.
I’m told that we are currently witnessing a growth stage in Ben’s eyebrow development. We have been sent some images of what the final look will be and it’s best described as: eyebrow mossad.
The Israelis believe that Ben’s new look might catch on with American youth who disapprove of Israeli foreign policy, and spark a surge of interest in reading the Talmud and voting for Bibi Netanyahu to be elected president of the United States in 2028 — to complete two consecutive terms in office.
There are
via Emerald Robinson
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