Android doesn't anger, nor does he engage in actual combat, rather he will merely point out the logical inconsistencies of other Warriors. Irony and sarcasm are completely lost on Android, and being impossible to insult or injure in any way, he is invulnerable to conventional attack. If, for example, someone were to call him a pinhead, he would get out a tape measure and after finding that his cranium falls within normal size specifications Android would dismiss the comment as erroneous. Android's circuits are not equipped to process ambiguous or aesthetic input, consequently any extensive discussion involving personal feelings, intuition, art and metaphorical allusions will quickly drive Android from the field of battle.
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ALLCAPS attempts to compensate for his limited rhetorical weaponry through the extravagant use of capitalized words - something netizens refer to as SHOUTING. Sure, a sprinkling of capitalized words can add some zip to a thrust, but they should be used sparingly. Even worse from a tactical point of view, too much shouting alerts other Warriors to the opponent's verbal WEAKNESS and emotional EXCITABILITY.
Agent is a sinister and elusive opponent who never goes into battle alone. Agent generally uses standard combat techniques, but differs from other Warriors in that he is secretly in the employ of an organization that has a direct interest in the forum's main topic.
The organization may be political, commercial, or even criminal, and it’s Agent’s job to post messages that advance the organization's interests. For example, several Agents who have been hired to promote a new theater production will invade theater discussion forums, and while energetically plumping for their own production, they will pick fights, spread malicious gossip and post fraudulent reviews about competing productions. Some Agents are benign shills, while others are malicious crusaders. Agents typically use hit and run tactics to avoid detection, but sometimes they can be outed by alert forum members who have seen them in other forums.
Admin is the janitor, the cop, the mayor, the judge and sometimes even the forum doctor who tends to Warriors injured in battle - in other words, Nanny on steroids.
Because he runs the forum and sets the rules Admin has the power to pull the plug on any Warrior who gets a little too frisky. Sometimes his efforts are appreciated, but like any authority figure he is also resented - especially by Jerk, Evil Clown, Enfant Provocateur, Ego, Rebel Without a Clue, Yuk Yuk, Troller, and other Warriors who would like to turn the forum into their personal playground.
Most Admins are generally fair and even handed, but the adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely is as true on the internet as it is anywhere else, and it is a rare Admin who can resist bringing the hammer down if seriously pressed by a determined foe. Sycophant and other suckups will also attach themselves to a strong Admin to form a defensive perimeter around him, and more often than not Admin's enemies will be driven off without him ever having to brandish his ax.
CAUTION: Admin is the most powerful of all Warriors and drawing him into direct battle invites almost certain defeat. Rebel Leader does pose a limited threat to Admin's power by fomenting a revolt and causing forum members to jump ship.
Acne constantly whines about how, like... his life and everything really sucks and stuff. Usually a middle class teenager with an allowance, unlimited access to a computer and WAY too much time on his hands. Acne's vague existential arguments about the meaningless of life and emptiness of existence are culled from the lyrics of the 20 gigs of MP3s he has squirreled away on his hard drive.
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A Social Media Survival Guide"Flame-Warriors" date back to the dawn of the Internet as a medium for communal discourse - the newsgroups and mailing lists of the 1980's and earlier were often home to bitter disputes among legions of people with little better to do, often, than snipe at each other via hostile "flame" messages. From the splitting of virtual hairs and the picking of virtual fights to the ad hominem attack and even the threat of cyber-violence, internet denizens have gone at it hammer and tongs since long before Facebook. It Started Like This.. A web historian gives us this first hand battlefront narrative..
Some years ago a minor spat ignited a searing flame war that threatened to consume a once-placid discussion forum. While the forum burned I amused myself by caricaturing the chief antagonists. Confounded at seeing themselves thus revealed, the combatants fled the field in disarray.
Over time the roster of online belligerents expanded and eventually congealed into the netizen's guide to Flame Warriors. My own bad internet behavior would certainly have provided sufficient material to populate an extensive rogue's gallery, but suggestions and comments from astute observers continue to enrich the Flame Warriors collection. Archives
November 2020
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