Blowhard feels the need to present his credentials before entering the fray - even if they are irrelevant to the discussion. For example, in a movie forum conflict he might attempt to settle the matter by saying, "As a Ph. D. candidate in particle physics I believe I can say with some authority that the 'Beavis and Butthead' movie represents the emergence of a new cultural paradigm." Huh?
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-Big Dog & Me Too. Big Dog is a bully who doesn't hesitate to use his superior strength to intimidate other combatants. Big Dog may be smart, articulate or just plain mean, but in any case he is a remorseless fighter, brutally ripping into even the weakest of combatants. Once Big Dog securely fastens his powerful jaws on a hapless victim, Me-Too will join the attack. Me-Too is far too weak and insecure to engage in single combat, and must ally himself with Big Dog or a pack of other Warriors to bring down his quarry.
Big Cat would rather not fight...he enjoys peacefully observing forum conversations and laconically participates when the moods strikes. He playfully chases interesting threads, and from time to time uses a Newbie or Propellerhead as a convenient scratching post. He enjoys being stroked or petted, and tends to purr loudly. CAUTION: Don't be fooled by his fuzzy, playful exterior. When provoked, Big Cat reacts with lightning speed and almost always lands on his feet after an attack. Big Cat often indulges himself by toying with his victim before delivering his lethal blows.
Atheist is Deacon's cyber-doppelganger. Deacon and Atheist hold equally fervent, though diametrically opposed beliefs about religion, and both feel compelled to share those beliefs at every possible opportunity. Should an unsuspecting forum member make even a passing comment about faith or spirituality of any flavor, Atheist will descend like one of the Furies, mercilessly hectoring all of the ignorant and delusional believers about the sordid history of the church and the pernicious effects of religion on society. After a few of Atheist’s anti-religious jeremiads most other Warriors will avoid the subject altogether, though Evil Clown may egg him on a little, and Philosopher may amuse himself by pointing out flaws in his reasoning. If a forum has the misfortune of having both Deacon and Atheist as members, the bickering often continues until Nanny or Admin pulls the plug. Bliss Ninny can also sometimes squelch the conversation by saying, “Well, everyone has a right to their [sic] opinion.”
Artiste has an unshakeable faith in his own artistic gifts, and is very pleased to share them with everyone else. Frequently his own insipid poetry will appear in his email signature, and at other times, and to no apparent purpose, he will be overcome with the urge to post a poem in the midst of battle. Artiste, in his need to demonstrate his aesthetic sensitivity and cultural sophistication, will reference obscure artists to drive his point home. He assumes that the mere mention of, say, Pollaiuolo (Italian,1431 –1498), will confirm the breadth of knowledge and thereby cow his opponent in battle. Actually, he is universally regarded as a pretentious blockhead.
CAUTION: Artiste often has serious mental problems and, though easily defeated in battle, may be unpredictable in defeat as well as in victory.
Artful Dodger is a nimble and elusive Warrior. When strongly attacked he changes the subject with a diversionary counterattack. For example, if in a moment of pique his opponent refers to him to him as a "sonofabitch", Artful Dodger will not only demand a public apology for the insult to his own mother, but will castigate his opponent on behalf all mothers everywhere. Knowing full well that staying on topic works to his disadvantage, Artful Dodger will not allow himself to be pinned down.
Archivist saves and squirrels away each and every discussion forum message. Do you remember having a bad day back in 1996 when in one of your messages you may have said a few things that were...well, perhaps a little...hasty? Don't worry, Archivist still has it and will post it to the forum if you begin to get the upper hand in battle. Archivist can be a very effective and fearsome Warrior.
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A Social Media Survival Guide"Flame-Warriors" date back to the dawn of the Internet as a medium for communal discourse - the newsgroups and mailing lists of the 1980's and earlier were often home to bitter disputes among legions of people with little better to do, often, than snipe at each other via hostile "flame" messages. From the splitting of virtual hairs and the picking of virtual fights to the ad hominem attack and even the threat of cyber-violence, internet denizens have gone at it hammer and tongs since long before Facebook. It Started Like This.. A web historian gives us this first hand battlefront narrative..
Some years ago a minor spat ignited a searing flame war that threatened to consume a once-placid discussion forum. While the forum burned I amused myself by caricaturing the chief antagonists. Confounded at seeing themselves thus revealed, the combatants fled the field in disarray.
Over time the roster of online belligerents expanded and eventually congealed into the netizen's guide to Flame Warriors. My own bad internet behavior would certainly have provided sufficient material to populate an extensive rogue's gallery, but suggestions and comments from astute observers continue to enrich the Flame Warriors collection. Archives
November 2020
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