LAVENDER FALLS, IA—Women everywhere say they're very angry as their oil businesses, which are clearly labeled essential, are nonetheless being called non-essential.

The post Millions Of Women Outraged As Essential Oils Businesses Deemed Non-Essential appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Zoom has introduced a new filter that makes it look as though you're dressed appropriately for your work, school, or church meeting.

The post New Zoom Filter Makes It Look Like You're Wearing Clothes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—After state governments across the country directed their citizens to shut down their businesses and just kinda hope things worked out, a new order has been issued: everyone is to jump off a bridge immediately.

The post Everyone Jumps Off Bridge After New Government Order Telling Everyone To Jump Off Bridge appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—A heartbroken Mike Pence has announced that Pride Month has been canceled over COVID-19 concerns.

The post Mike Pence Sad To Announce That Pride Month Is Canceled Due To Coronavirus appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—A new Bible translation called The King Jim Bible has been released. Its goal is to take the very formal King James Bible and just relax it a bit.

The post New, Less Formal King Jim Bible Introduced appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Having been deprived of sports for nearly a month, sports fans everywhere have been itching to watch other men throw balls around on their TV screens. To cope with the withdrawals, many have been doing the unthinkable and going to play the sports themselves, throwing a baseball or football around with their kids.

The post Deprived Sports Fans Forced To Throw Ball Around With Their Kids appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

The post Update: 3,000 New Deaths Today But Enough About Abortion appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

ALBANY, NY—New York state has announced a new plan to raise taxes on the novel coronavirus. The 15% income tax on all COVID-19 viruses, coupled with an 8% luxury disease tax, is expected to generate significant revenue and stop the virus in its tracks.

The post New York To Raise Taxes On Coronavirus Causing It To Flee State appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

As if Americans haven’t had enough bad news, there are now reports of a huge disaster in the making. Apparently President Donald Trump has started watching the documentary Tiger King on Netflix and has purchased seventeen tigers, which are currently roaming the White House.

The post Disaster: Trump's Been Binge-Watching Netflix And He Just Bought 17 Tigers appeared first on The Babylon Bee.