WASHINGTON, D.C.—Federal investigators are looking for Arkansas native and enthusiastic Trump Supporter Hilly Mae Cleetus in connection with inciting the deadly riot at the Capitol Building last week.

The post Trump Supporter Hilly Mae Cleetus Suspected Of Inciting Riot At Capitol appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

DETROIT, MI—Local couple Brad and Amber Tigwell are having trouble in their marriage. Amber wants her husband to have deep, meaningful conversations with her, but she doesn't even bother to listen to his podcast.

The post Wife Keeps Wanting To Have Conversations With Her Husband But She Doesn’t Even Listen To His Podcast appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

GATES OF HEAVEN—Christians want to get to Heaven -- it’s supposed to be a pretty great place -- but as it turns out, it’s not as easy as getting a camel through the eye of a needle. It has now been confirmed that there is a quiz before anyone is let into Heaven, the first question being, “Are you a Calvinist or an Arminian?”

The post Oh No! The First Question At The Gates Of Heaven Is 'Are You A Calvinist Or An Arminian?' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Just days before the inauguration of the 46th President, the White House has undergone unusual changes that may be an ominous warning for Joe Biden. White House construction workers have now remodeled the Presidential restroom and replaced it with a female restroom.

The post Ominous Sign For Joe: Presidential Restroom Replaced With Female Restroom appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—With people on all sides pointing fingers over who really caused the riots at the Capitol last week, there is mounting evidence that the perpetrators weren't Trump supporters and weren't Antifa, but instead were Trump supporters disguised as Antifa disguised as Trump supporters. 

The post New Evidence Suggests Rioter Was Actually Trump Supporter Disguised As Antifa Disguised As Trump Supporter appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—With Trump cut off from his primary means of communication on Twitter, he has been forced to find creative ways to communicate with his supporters. Yesterday, people in D.C. reported seeing a column of black smoke rising from the white house lawn in a distinctive morse code pattern. The pattern was later translated to mean "RIGGED ELECTION!"

The post Smoke Signal For 'RIGGED ELECTION!' Seen Rising From White House Lawn appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HEAVEN—In a positive step towards diversity, innumerable souls have been cast out of heaven and are now burning for eternity in the unfathomable chasms of Hell. This purging of souls into the scorching abyss came in accordance with brand new heavenly diversity requirements.

The post Millions Kicked Out Of Heaven Following Enforcement Of New Diversity Quota appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—For many conservative Christian homeschool families, there are dark times ahead because Biden is a socialist who sniffs people and wants to hurt God. To prepare for the next four dangerous years, many large families are adding armor plating and Gatling guns to their 15 passenger club vans. 

The post Conservative Homeschool Families Prep For Next Four Years By Adding Armor Plating, Gatling Guns To 15-Passenger Vans appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats have released a complete list of all their legislative goals for the next 2 years, and it's worse than we imagined. America may not survive. Brace yourself and read through this confirmed list which we got straight from the Speaker's office, and may God help us all. 

The post Nightmare: Here Is The Democrats' Complete Legislative Agenda For The Next 2 Years appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

NEW YORK, NY—After last week's attack on the Capitol that Trump obviously planned and personally ordered, NBC has announced that all future reruns of the hit reality show The Apprentice will digitally remove Trump from all scenes.

The post Trump To Be Digitally Edited Out Of 'The Apprentice' Reruns appeared first on The Babylon Bee.