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Biden Promises To Replace Retiring Quarterback Tom Brady With A Woman Of Color

1/30/2022

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Legendary quarterback Tom Brady has announced his plan to retire from the NFL to spend more time carving little wooden toys for his grandkids. In response to the earth-shattering news, President Joe Biden has announced his commitment to replace the outgoing football star with a woman of color. 

The post Biden Promises To Replace Retiring Quarterback Tom Brady With A Woman Of Color appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Biden Promises To Replace Retiring Quarterback Tom Brady With A Woman Of Color,
January 30, 2022 at 08:02AM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Joe Biden Beats Out Brussels Sprouts For America's Least Favorite Vegetable

1/28/2022

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U.S.—A new Gallup Poll shows President Biden beating out the infamous Brussels Sprout for America's least favorite vegetable. The poll, partially conducted as a survey for TV's Family Feud, has been criticized by the Biden administration as "unfair."

The post Joe Biden Beats Out Brussels Sprouts For America's Least Favorite Vegetable appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Joe Biden Beats Out Brussels Sprouts For America's Least Favorite Vegetable,
January 28, 2022 at 06:05PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Buttigieg Celebrates Death Of Racist Pittsburgh Bridge

1/28/2022

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PITTSBURGH, PA—Fern Hollow Bridge in Pittsburgh collapsed Friday morning, injuring ten people. Luckily no one was killed, although the bridge itself died violently. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg arrived at the scene hours later where he cracked open a bottle of champaign and laughed boisterously at the destruction of the racist bridge.

The post Buttigieg Celebrates Death Of Racist Pittsburgh Bridge appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Buttigieg Celebrates Death Of Racist Pittsburgh Bridge,
January 28, 2022 at 05:13PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Trudeau Claims Truckers Only Hate Him Because He's Black

1/28/2022

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OTTAWA—A "freedom convoy" of Canadian truckers is on its way to Ottawa in protest of vaccine mandates. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is pushing back at accusations of tyrannical government overreach by claiming the truckers just hate him because he's black.

The post Trudeau Claims Truckers Only Hate Him Because He's Black appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Trudeau Claims Truckers Only Hate Him Because He's Black,
January 28, 2022 at 03:59PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Biden Puts New White House Cat In Charge Of Border Crisis

1/28/2022

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a last-ditch effort to address the mounting immigration crisis on the U.S. southern border, President Biden has named Willow—the newest White House cat—as America's border czar.

The post Biden Puts New White House Cat In Charge Of Border Crisis appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Biden Puts New White House Cat In Charge Of Border Crisis,
January 28, 2022 at 03:28PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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China Changes Ending Of 'Winnie The Pooh' So Pooh Conquers The World And Enslaves Ethnic Minorities

1/28/2022

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BEIJING—After successfully changing the ending of 'Fight Club' to one where the state authorities win, China's Ministry of Culture has released a new version of Disney's 1977 film, 'The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.' In the new ending, Pooh conquers the world and enslaves ethnic minorities.

The post China Changes Ending Of 'Winnie The Pooh' So Pooh Conquers The World And Enslaves Ethnic Minorities appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


China Changes Ending Of 'Winnie The Pooh' So Pooh Conquers The World And Enslaves Ethnic Minorities,
January 28, 2022 at 03:01PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Traveler Having Trouble Finding Luggage Among Scores Of Illegal Immigrants On Baggage Claim Carousel

1/28/2022

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CHICAGO O'HARE—Local businessman Garth Puttysmite had no idea his trip to the Central Division Homemade Soaps & Lotions Convention would include an hours-long search for his luggage due to the scores of illegal immigrants accumulating on the baggage claim carousel.

The post Traveler Having Trouble Finding Luggage Among Scores Of Illegal Immigrants On Baggage Claim Carousel appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Traveler Having Trouble Finding Luggage Among Scores Of Illegal Immigrants On Baggage Claim Carousel,
January 28, 2022 at 01:13PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Democrats Clarify They're Only Pro-Choice About Killing Kids Not About Where They Attend School

1/28/2022

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—AFT President Randi Weingarten spoke out today to clarify that the teachers union official “pro-choice” stance only applies to killing babies, not to parents being able to decide where their children attend school.

The post Democrats Clarify They're Only Pro-Choice About Killing Kids, Not About Where They Attend School appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Democrats Clarify They're Only Pro-Choice About Killing Kids, Not About Where They Attend School,
January 28, 2022 at 12:27PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Biden Seen Looking At Paint Color Swatches To Choose Next Supreme Court Justice

1/28/2022

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Earlier this week, President Biden was spotted at Home Depot using color swatches to help him choose the next Supreme Court justice.

The post Biden Seen Looking At Paint Color Swatches To Choose Next Supreme Court Justice appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Biden Seen Looking At Paint Color Swatches To Choose Next Supreme Court Justice,
January 28, 2022 at 11:57AM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Osteen Unable To Complete Wordle As Word Is 'Bible'

1/27/2022

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HOUSTON, TX—Televangelist Joel Osteen grew frustrated Thursday morning when he was unable to complete the day's Wordle puzzle because the answer was "BIBLE," a term with which he is not familiar.

The post Osteen Unable To Complete Wordle As Word Is 'Bible' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Osteen Unable To Complete Wordle As Word Is 'Bible',
January 27, 2022 at 05:30PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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