WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden issued a stern condemnation of Jesus Christ after learning that the Savior of mankind had the audacity to rise from the dead on Biden's "Trans Day Of Visibility".

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden has announced a much-needed "Day Of Visibility" for the most visible population in the entirety of human history.

HEAVEN — In an announcement sure to have a significant impact on millions of lives before and after death, Heavenly sources confirmed that people who attend church two days per year can go to Heaven for two days per year.

HEAVEN — In an announcement sure to have a significant impact on millions of lives before and after death, Heavenly sources confirmed that people who attend church two days per year can go to Heaven for two days per year.

JERUSALEM — After a difficult week subduing mobs and navigating political landmines, Governor Pontius Pilate was relieved on Saturday to finally have the whole "Jesus of Nazareth" ordeal over and done with for good.

JERUSALEM — After a difficult week subduing mobs and navigating political landmines, Governor Pontius Pilate was relieved on Saturday to finally have the whole "Jesus of Nazareth" ordeal over and done with for good.

U.S. — Despite holding a narrow lead in the Senate amid a hotly contested election year, Democrats have issued a nationwide Fetterman recall to address documented instances of malfunctions from the Pennsylvania senator.

U.S. — A new study released this week finds a strong correlation between being happy and having no clue what's going on in the personal life of conservative commentator Steven Crowder.

U.S. — Despite holding a narrow lead in the Senate amid a hotly contested election year, Democrats have issued a nationwide Fetterman recall to address documented instances of malfunctions from the Pennsylvania senator.

LOS ANGELES, CA — A reboot of the popular Pirates of the Caribbean film franchise will feature an all-female cast backing into rocks for two hours, says Disney.