WASHINGTON, D.C.—After statements made by the leader of the White House, the White House has been forced to clarify that statements by the leader of the White House don't necessarily represent the views of the White House.

The post White House Forced To Clarify What Leader Of White House Said appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—On May 30, the nation held its collective breath to see what savings the Biden administration’s policies had yielded for their Memorial Day BBQ plans. The White House’s tweet from July 4th 2021, had boasted a $0.16 savings on cookout supplies, so everyone was ecstatic to learn what the haul would be for Memorial Day.

The post Nation Excited To See How Much They Saved On This Year’s Memorial Day BBQ appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Hey there! Thank you for shopping with us today! It’s my pleasure to serve you! Just go ahead and scan your first item and place it in the bag right there. Once you’re finished, you can--

The post UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

VILLA RICA, GA—On the way home from his family's long-anticipated trip to Disney World, toddler David Hayes informed his father that the Magic Kingdom had come up just short of a trip through the car wash.

The post Toddler Rates Disney World A Close 2nd To Trip Through Car Wash appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

CHEYENNE, WY—Local man Mike Campbell received his honey-do list over breakfast, and within moments calculated that his wife had doled out four podcasts' worth of chores.

The post Wife Assigns Husband 4 Podcast Episodes' Worth Of Chores appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

LOS ANGELES—George Lucas has put up his own billboards in response to the Disney billboards promoting their latest Star Wars shows. The famed director and creator of Star Wars appeared to be mocking the very company he sold Star Wars to for their lackluster efforts to make passable content.

The post George Lucas Puts Up Billboards Reading 'Miss Me Yet?' Next To Disney Star Wars Billboards appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SAN FERNANDO, CA—A lifeguard at the San Fernando Community Pool reportedly refused to jump in and save a drowning child who was fighting for his life in 6 feet of water because it would constitute risking his life. The lifeguard in question, Peter Stroll, claimed to be following standard lifeguarding procedure.

The post For His Safety, Lifeguard Waits An Hour For Backup Before Jumping In To Save Struggling Swimmer appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A senile old man in Washington who has a deadly nuclear arsenal at his fingertips is calling for dangerous weapons to be taken out of the hands of the mentally unstable.

The post ‘Guns Should Not Be In The Hands Of The Mentally Unstable,’ Says Senile Man With Nukes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA—From his coastal estate that will probably be underwater in ten years, former President Barack Obama issued a statement today encouraging Americans to honor Memorial Day by remembering the sacrifice of George Floyd.

The post Obama Encourages Americans To Pause This Memorial Day To Remember The Sacrifice Of George Floyd appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Are You A Racist? Take The Quiz!,
May 27, 2022 at 12:22PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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