WASHINGTON, D.C.—A team of NASA scientists somberly announced Wednesday that a large, leatherbound copy of the 1611 King James Bible has been spotted on a collision course with Earth. The Authorized Version is expected to slam into the planet and take out all life next Friday. “We first spotted the anomaly and assumed it was […]

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NEWPORT BEACH, CA—Stating she was overjoyed to have received the unexpected gift, local waitress Rachel Palmer was left a single million-dollar bill gospel tract after serving a family at the diner where she works for over 90 minutes, after which she realized she’d be able to afford rent this month using the counterfeit bill. An […]

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CHILLICOTHE, OH—Local man Greg Goodby confirmed Wednesday that his wife and kids have been displaced by his rapidly growing theology book collection, and were finally forced to sleep in a tent outside on the front lawn after the last free square inch of space in their home was taken up by his latest Amazon order. […]

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Brought to you by  LANSING, MI—A barrage of activities in which youngster Jacob Philips was instructed to paste dry macaroni noodles onto various Bible characters and scenes is adequately preparing the child to make his faith his own when he comes of age, sources close to the boy confirmed Tuesday. The young man’s church is […]

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GREEN PINES, NV—Local teenager Bradley Randolph rededicated his life to Christ at Green Pines Christian Camp last Friday afternoon, fully surrendering himself and giving his heart and mind over to Jesus for a full two weeks, sources present at the camp’s closing bonfire ceremony confirmed. After a week of watching funny skits, singing catchy CCM […]

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SANDUSKY, OH—Sources close to Pastor Brandon Gunthry somberly confirmed Tuesday the Baptist minister of the gospel had tragically discovered the Snapchat messaging app and social network. Gunthry immediately added everyone in his congregation to his friends list and began blasting them all indiscriminately with hundreds of Snaps using funny filters, according to mortified members of […]

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SCOTTSBLUFF, KS—With the trade deadline looming, Grace Community Church has reportedly been “aggressively shopping” the Campbells, a “loyal but eccentric” family of ten with a several-year-old 15-passenger van, looking for buyers willing to absorb their membership contract. The church is widely rumored to be looking to beef up its younger, up-and-coming prospects, and doesn’t have […]

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It’s hard to know what God’s will is for your life. After all, it’s not like God left any kind of written instruction manual that uses specific statements like “This is God’s will for you.” Nope, we’re on our own, feeling around in the dark. So, how do you know if you’re called to serve […]

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PORTLAND, OR—Sunday’s worship service at Streams of Life Church turned into “an absolute train wreck” after worship leader Benjamin “Bonanza” Johnson failed to post a stylized, filtered picture of his microphone on his Instagram or Facebook pages, sources confirmed Monday. The service seemed to be supernaturally cursed after the musician forgot to post the picture […]

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NASHVILLE, TN—LifeWay Christian Resources announced Monday that its long-awaited Bible interpretation goggles are now available, allowing Bible readers to interpret the text through whatever theological system or framework they are comfortable with. The goggles are available in a variety of worldviews and preconceived notions. “Let’s say you’re reading a passage that seems to suggest that […]

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