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Giant King James Bible Hurtling Toward Earth

7/26/2017

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July 26, 2017 at 03:26PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—A team of NASA scientists somberly announced Wednesday that a large, leatherbound copy of the 1611 King James Bible has been spotted on a collision course with Earth. The Authorized Version is expected to slam into the planet and take out all life next Friday. “We first spotted the anomaly and assumed it was […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Waitress Pays Rent With Million-Dollar Gospel Tract

7/26/2017

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July 26, 2017 at 01:58PM from The Babylon Bee
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NEWPORT BEACH, CA—Stating she was overjoyed to have received the unexpected gift, local waitress Rachel Palmer was left a single million-dollar bill gospel tract after serving a family at the diner where she works for over 90 minutes, after which she realized she’d be able to afford rent this month using the counterfeit bill. An […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Mans Family Forced To Sleep In Tent After Being Displaced By Theology Book Collection

7/26/2017

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July 26, 2017 at 11:05AM from The Babylon Bee
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CHILLICOTHE, OH—Local man Greg Goodby confirmed Wednesday that his wife and kids have been displaced by his rapidly growing theology book collection, and were finally forced to sleep in a tent outside on the front lawn after the last free square inch of space in their home was taken up by his latest Amazon order. […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Sunday School Macaroni Crafts Really Preparing Child To Make Faith His Own

7/26/2017

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July 26, 2017 at 09:43AM from The Babylon Bee
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Brought to you by  LANSING, MI—A barrage of activities in which youngster Jacob Philips was instructed to paste dry macaroni noodles onto various Bible characters and scenes is adequately preparing the child to make his faith his own when he comes of age, sources close to the boy confirmed Tuesday. The young man’s church is […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Teen At Summer Camp Rededicates Life To Christ For Next Two Weeks

7/25/2017

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July 25, 2017 at 05:00PM from The Babylon Bee
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GREEN PINES, NV—Local teenager Bradley Randolph rededicated his life to Christ at Green Pines Christian Camp last Friday afternoon, fully surrendering himself and giving his heart and mind over to Jesus for a full two weeks, sources present at the camp’s closing bonfire ceremony confirmed. After a week of watching funny skits, singing catchy CCM […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Pastor Tragically Discovers Snapchat

7/25/2017

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July 25, 2017 at 01:46PM from The Babylon Bee
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SANDUSKY, OH—Sources close to Pastor Brandon Gunthry somberly confirmed Tuesday the Baptist minister of the gospel had tragically discovered the Snapchat messaging app and social network. Gunthry immediately added everyone in his congregation to his friends list and began blasting them all indiscriminately with hundreds of Snaps using funny filters, according to mortified members of […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Church Entertaining Trade Offers For Weird Family With 15-Passenger Van

7/25/2017

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July 25, 2017 at 11:35AM from The Babylon Bee
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SCOTTSBLUFF, KS—With the trade deadline looming, Grace Community Church has reportedly been “aggressively shopping” the Campbells, a “loyal but eccentric” family of ten with a several-year-old 15-passenger van, looking for buyers willing to absorb their membership contract. The church is widely rumored to be looking to beef up its younger, up-and-coming prospects, and doesn’t have […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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7 Signs Youre Called To Worship Ministry

7/25/2017

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July 25, 2017 at 09:43AM from The Babylon Bee
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It’s hard to know what God’s will is for your life. After all, it’s not like God left any kind of written instruction manual that uses specific statements like “This is God’s will for you.” Nope, we’re on our own, feeling around in the dark. So, how do you know if you’re called to serve […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Church Service Ruined After Worship Leader Forgets To Post Picture Of Microphone During Practice

7/24/2017

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July 24, 2017 at 01:43PM from The Babylon Bee
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PORTLAND, OR—Sunday’s worship service at Streams of Life Church turned into “an absolute train wreck” after worship leader Benjamin “Bonanza” Johnson failed to post a stylized, filtered picture of his microphone on his Instagram or Facebook pages, sources confirmed Monday. The service seemed to be supernaturally cursed after the musician forgot to post the picture […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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New Bible Interpretation Goggles Now Available

7/24/2017

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July 24, 2017 at 12:51PM from The Babylon Bee
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NASHVILLE, TN—LifeWay Christian Resources announced Monday that its long-awaited Bible interpretation goggles are now available, allowing Bible readers to interpret the text through whatever theological system or framework they are comfortable with. The goggles are available in a variety of worldviews and preconceived notions. “Let’s say you’re reading a passage that seems to suggest that […]

. . . finish reading New Bible Interpretation Goggles Now Available.


via The Babylon Bee
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