NASHVILLE, TN—The Gideons International is an organization that has become known for trying to get the Bible into hotel rooms, schools, university campuses, and pretty much anywhere that Bibles are needed, which is, like, everywhere.

The post Gideons Announce Daring Plan To Sneak Bibles Into Progressive Churches appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—A new study found that 9 out of 10 Baptists do not recommend doing the floss.

The post Study: 9 Out Of 10 Baptists Do Not Recommend Doing The Floss appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The nation's Christians have filed a lawsuit against author and ex-Christian Joshua Harris for making them miss out on so many hot dates in their teenage years.

The post Christians Demand Reparations From Joshua Harris For All The Hot Dates They Missed Out On appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

BALTIMORE, MD—According to expert biologists working in Guilder's infamous Fire Swamp, millions of R.O.U.S.es---Rodents of Unusual Size---have begun a "great migration" from the deadly thicket to the scenic, idyllic city of Baltimore.

The post Millions Of R.O.U.S.es Begin Migration From Fire Swamp To Scenic Baltimore appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Some recent social media posts and public comments from a person named Alyssa Milano have caused millions of Americans to stop what they are doing and ask themselves a crucial question: “Who is Alyssa Milano?”

The post Alyssa Milano's Political Activism Prompts Millions To Ask Themselves, 'Who Is Alyssa Milano?' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

JERUSALEM—Preserved by scholars in Israel for centuries, an ancient photograph of Cain killing Abel was released for the public for the first time. The photo contained one previously unknown detail about the incident: Al Sharpton immediately showed up just after the murder in order to cry racism.

The post Photograph Emerges Of Al Sharpton Arriving At Scene Where Cain Killed Abel In Order To Cry Racism appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

BALTIMORE, MD—President Trump launched into a deranged attack against the city of Baltimore, calling it “a disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess” and a place “no human being would want to live.” This caused extreme confusion within the city -- as, having been run exclusively by Democrats for decades and decades, it is a nearly perfect, progressive utopia and a beacon of hope to all.

The post Futuristic, Utopian Paradise Of Baltimore Completely Baffled By Trump's Attacks appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

The post Youth Pastor Rocking Beanie Just In Case One Of Those July Blizzards Hits appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

QUEENS, NY—Local progressive Christian Ziggy Hans loves gay people. He's sure to always berate his conservative Christian enemies for not loving gay people enough. His Facebook feed is covered in posts condemning other Christians for not loving gay people as much as he does. 

The post Progressive Christian Loves Gay People But Not Enough To Share The Gospel With Them appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A constant target of remarks from President Trump, including chants of “send her back” from a recent rally, Representative Ilhan Omar has introduced a resolution to the House of Representatives condemning the three things she finds most dangerous to society: racism and white men and "also the Jews."

The post Ilhan Omar Introduces Resolution Condemning Racism, White Men, And The Jews appeared first on The Babylon Bee.