SAN LEANDRO, CA—In a stunning tragedy, thousands perished instantly at Currents Church after the Lord granted worship leader Bruce "Hacksaw" Henry's repeated requests to show the fullness of His glory Sunday morning, sources confirmed.

The post Worship Song Repeatedly Asks God To Show His Glory, Thousands Dead appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

THE INTERNET—Multiple sources confirmed Thursday an apparent technical glitch with popular social media service Twitter which is causing a live stream of a raging dumpster fire to appear whenever a user clicks on the top-trending #KavanaughHearings hashtag.

The post Twitter Hashtag '#KavanaughHearings' Just Links To Live Footage Of Dumpster Fire appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a Senate hearing investigating whether Brett Kavanaugh is likely to have committed sexual assault, Senator Cory Booker asked Kavanaugh's accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, to please stop interrupting his 2020 presidential campaign speech.

The post Cory Booker Asks Dr. Ford To Please Stop Interrupting His 2020 Campaign Speech appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—In a move to capitalize on the ever-growing market for more tolerant riot equipment, the Fight Fascism Foundation has announced a new line of Coexist-branded Molotov cocktails.

The post 'Coexist' Molotov Cocktails Now Available appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As accusers against Brett Kavanaugh continue to come forward and his nomination vote looms near, the embroiled judge has produced what some are calling a "smoking gun" in order to confirm he was a virgin when alleged sexual misconduct took place: official Star Wars bed sheets he used throughout high school and into college.

The post Kavanaugh Produces Star Wars Bed Sheets To Prove He Was Virgin In High School appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

GLENDORA, CA—In a special rally held Wednesday, staff and faculty at progressive college Pacific Canyon Christian University welcomed its incoming class of freshmen, who would almost invariably reject the faith years after leaving the school.

The post Progressive Christian College Welcomes Incoming Class Of Future Atheists appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Is it O.K. to punch a grammar Nazi? This question has been floating around the internet after footage of an attack on a well-known, self-professed “grammatical purist,” Shawnton P. Middesmith, went viral on Friday.

The post Study: Majority Of Americans Now Say It Is OK To Punch A Grammar Nazi appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The American left has announced a new exciting way to express its care and compassion for disenfranchised and oppressed groups: screaming at people in restaurants.

The post Liberals Unveil New Strategy To Prove They're Compassionate And Caring: Screaming In Restaurants appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MIRAMAR, CA—In an attempt to fulfill the biblical command in 1 Timothy 2 to lift up one's leaders in prayer, local libertarian believer Stan Marshall asked God to cripple the government and bring it to a swift demise, sources confirmed Tuesday.

The post Libertarian Man Fulfills Biblical Command To Pray For Leaders By Asking God To Bring Government To Swift Demise appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON D.C.—In a long-awaited move toward modernity, the United States Justice System is shutting down all brick-and-mortar courthouses and moving exclusively to Twitter. “This is where the country has been headed for years,” said Jack Dorsey, CEO of Twitter. “Twitter is where real justice happens, and it doesn’t take weeks, months, even years. It can get the job done in minutes.” His comments were met with enthusiastic applause.

The post United States Justice System To Close All Brick-And-Mortar Locations, Operate Exclusively On Twitter appeared first on The Babylon Bee.