TIJUANA—Tensions flared this week at the San Ysidro Land Port of Entry, the border crossing between San Diego and Tijuana. The first wave of the migrant caravan arrived on Sunday to find a human chain of Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) officers linking arms in what can only be called “the most epic Red Rover showdown of all time.”

The post Border Patrol, Migrants Locked In Epic Game Of 'Red Rover' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—A new Hallmark movie, The Christmas Village, is getting rave reviews for how extremely formulaic it is, making absolutely no surprises for the genre.

The post Hallmark Christmas Movie Hailed As 'Trite, Predictable' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—After the release of a Pentagon report claiming countries in the Middle East have essential oil resources for our national security and productivity, support for invading the region shot up to 87% among Christian women.

The post Christian Women Now In Favor Of Invading Middle East After Pentagon Claims They Have Essential Oil appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

TIJUANA—Thousands of immigrants waiting to get into the United States turned around and went home Wednesday afternoon upon seeing that the US government's national debt is now rapidly approaching $22 trillion.

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Responding to growing criticism resulting from a rash of recent account suspensions carried out for seemingly innocuous offenses, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey stressed Wednesday that “Twitter is and will always be a platform for ANY and ALL ideas I wholeheartedly agree with.”

The post Jack Dorsey: 'Let Me Be Clear: Twitter Is A Platform For ANY And ALL Ideas I Wholeheartedly Agree With' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MINAS TIRITH—An infamous terrorist duo has at long last been arrested for a long string of anti-orc hate crimes, sources at the Gondor Bureau Of Investigation confirmed Wednesday.

The post Infamous Terrorist Duo Arrested For Anti-Orc Hate Crimes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Addressing a crowd at a lucrative speaking engagement Tuesday evening, former president Barack Obama slammed President Trump for his "inhumane" use of tear gas at the border earlier this week, pointing out that a drone strike would have done the job much more effectively.

The post Obama Blasts Trump's Use Of Tear Gas On Foreigners: 'Frankly, I Would Have Used A Drone Strike' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

LINCOLN, NE – As Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus over the month of December, Prairie Road Church of Christ in Lincoln, Nebraska is preparing itself for multiple rounds of “Joy to the World.”

“It’s that time of year again,” says congregant Jim Booth. “You do what you can to prepare, but every time, it still takes you by surprise. You're just singing along to the normal worship songs, and then, BAM! A Christmas tune."

“Joy to the World,” with lyrics by Isaac Watts and music by George Frideric Handel, has been sung in churches every single Sunday each December since it was written in 1719.

Prairie Road isn’t the only church to belt out all four verses of “Joy to the World” during the Christmas season. According to HymnStats, a shocking 57% of churches sing the song every Sunday in December, with many churches singing the hymn as both the opening song and the closing song in a single service.

The singing of the hymn is problematic for people who don't care for Christmas music. While most Scrooges and Grinches simply white-knuckle their way through the hymn, others have developed more complex coping strategies, such as pretending to get an important phone call or going to the restroom and sitting in the stall for a few minutes.

“As a matter of fact, my throat is starting to get a little scratchy,” Booth told The Babylon Bee. “I would hate to get somebody sick, so I probably shouldn’t go to church in December.”

According to a source with knowledge of the church bulletin, “Joy to the World” will be the opening song this Sunday at Prairie Road.

The post Congregation Prepares To Sing 'Joy To The World' Four Sundays In A Row appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

TIJUANA—President Donald Trump arrived early this morning in Tijuana to employ his own unique tactics to thwart the migrant caravan who have traveled on foot more than 2,500 miles from Central America seeking refuge in the United States.

The post Trump Paints Inviting, Photorealistic Archway To America On Border Wall appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The nation's prosperity gospel preachers announced today they are enjoying their favorite holiday of the year: "Taking Tuesday," in which they get to cajole their followers into giving them even more of their money.

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