WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump surprised everyone today when he announced he will not appoint a new justice to fill the Supreme Court seat previously held by the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Instead, to save the time that a lengthy confirmation process would take, he’s simply giving Justice Clarence Thomas two votes now.

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mourners gathered across the country this week to honor the life of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Outside the Supreme Court, fans of the late RBG conducted a stirring, emotional memorial ceremony that ended with a beautiful 21-Molotov Cocktail Salute.

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Americans were shocked this week after their preferred political parties completely reversed their positions from what they were just a few years ago. Avid political loyalists are heartbroken at the realization that maybe all politicians are hypocrites who probably never mean a single word they say, ever. 

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SNOWVILLE, UT—According to sources, local homeschooling parents Drew and Sandy Denson have decided it's time to have 'the talk' with their young and innocent 25-year-old son Clay. After mustering up some courage, they sat down with him to explain where babies come from.

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was a doubly sad day for the Supreme Court. While they were still mourning the loss of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, pink slips were handed out to Justices Stephen Breyer, Elena Kagan, and Sonia Sotomayor as they were told to pack up their things and leave.

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LOS ANGELES, CA—NBA players are honoring the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg this week by wearing pretty lace collars just like Notorious RBG used to wear. In a touching show of respect for the late Justice Ginsburg, and in solidarity with her progressive cause, Lebron James and the LA Lakers took to the court yesterday wearing a stunning variety of delicate white collars inspired by RBG's wardrobe.

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NEW YORK, NY—A crowd of liberals gathered at a special event held in New York cheered loudly as the official COVID death counter hit 200,000 today.

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Since Trump has vowed to nominate a woman to the Supreme Court, his shortlist of candidates had been reduced to just a few highly female judges. Signs were initially pointing to Amy Coney Barrett, but a new candidate has emerged from the shadows as a new front-runner for the coveted nomination: Tedina Cruzette.

The post Little-Known Judge Tedina Cruzette Throws Hat In Ring For Trump's SCOTUS Consideration appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a landmark ruling, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has overturned the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. In a close decision, the judges on the court have ruled RBG's death unconstitutional and will block Trump from nominating a replacement.

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EAST AURORA, NY—The toy geniuses at Fisher-Price have announced a brand new toy made just for leftist parents and their kids: the My First Peaceful Protest playset. The kid-size clubhouse will come with several varieties of spray paint so kids can tag the tiny building with their own empowering slogans. It will also be made out of cardboard, allowing the cute little tikes to burn the whole thing down if their demands are not met. 

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