U.S.A — The FDA released updated health advice this week, including guidance regarding what kind of potato chips are the healthiest; they advise always choosing the bag with the photo of the farm or a little kid picking veggies in a field in the matte-colored bag over choosing the shiny bag with no campy imagery on it.

WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump announced this week he will be instituting a mandatory military draft for any American who puts a little yellow and blue Ukrainian flag in their Facebook bio.

HOLLYWOOD, CA — For the tenth year in a row, a movie you've never heard of won the award for Best Picture at the Academy Awards.

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has added a new category for 2025, awarding for the first time an Oscar for "Most Likely To Be On Epstein List."

NASHUA, NH — Local pastor Matt Demitrio really hoped the worship team would go super long this morning as frankly, he just didn't have much to say about the book of Philemon.

After flying to D.C. to purportedly sign a mineral rights deal, Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelensky wound up being kicked out of the White House until further notice. Not good!

After flying to D.C. to purportedly sign a mineral rights deal, Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelensky wound up being kicked out of the White House until further notice. Not good!

BRYAN, TX — First Baptist Church of Bryan officially added to their bylaws that all adult Sunday School classes are required to have one annoying guy who continually brings up random, unrelated topics to argue about.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On top of losing an economic deal and getting publicly berated on television, President Zelensky arrived at his hotel room only to find that Trump had changed his Netflix password and now Zelensky would have to get his own account.

GASTONIA, NC — The quest to survive until Monday morning commenced Friday afternoon, as a local husband and father who works two jobs during the week began mentally preparing himself for a chaotic and stressful weekend with his wife and children.