REDWOOD CITY, CA—Beloved game company Electronic Arts has announced that in their next Star Wars: Battlefront game, they will be adding some very special features to encourage responsible behavior during the pandemic. In order to unlock playable characters like Darth Vader, players will be required to prove they have received the COVID vaccine.

The post In New EA Star Wars Game, You Must Prove You Were Vaccinated To Unlock Darth Vader appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WILMINGTON, DE—Staffers have revealed that Biden was the victim of yet another tragic accident after his arm fell completely off as he attempted to open up a jar of peanut butter.

The post Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis said today that God has informed him of a new requirement to enter Heaven: everyone must now receive the COVID-19 vaccine before entering the pearly gates. 

The post Pope Francis Says Covid Vaccine Will Now Be Required To Enter Heaven appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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U.S.—In a surprise result from a national survey of favorite foods, the winner, with 80 million votes -- blowing away the previous record of 69 million votes -- was a lukewarm bowl of porridge. The soggy bowl of chopped grains has apparently exploded in popularity around the country and is now handily the most beloved food of all.

The post In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden's transition team has announced they will be appointing an all-female communications team. According to sources, the team will not tell the nation what's wrong, since the nation should already know. 

The post Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong, Nation Should Already Know appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark 5-4 decision led by alleged dogmatic constitutional extremist Amy Coney Barrett, the Supreme Court has decided the First Amendment can stay.

The post In Dangerous Decision, SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

A lot of people have been emailing us asking what our best tips for getting great deals on Black Friday are. We don't blame them, because we are the best source for real news and life advice. Well, we have one great tip this year for Black Friday: skip out on the deals entirely, and just wait a few weeks for the next peaceful protest. One is bound to pop up before Christmas. You'll really be kicking yourself if you spend $300 on a TV today, only for it to be 100% off the next time there is something to protest in the name of social justice or whatever.

The post Pro Tip: Skip Out On Black Friday Deals And Just Hold Out For The Next Peaceful Protest appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.— A shocking photo has surfaced of current Vice President Mike Pence clearly showing him with an open eye and peeking during a church prayer.

The post Damaging Photo Surfaces Of Mike Pence Peeking During Prayer appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

PLYMOUTH, MI—Governor Gretchen Whitmer popped out of a local family's turkey to inform them they had exceeded the maximum number of guests at Thanksgiving this year, sources at the Johnson household confirmed Friday.

The post Gretchen Whitmer Pops Out Of Turkey To Inform Family They Have Exceeded Maximum Number Of Guests appeared first on The Babylon Bee.