Bryan in Tulsa

??HAPPY NEW YEAR??

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Bobblehead Family:

**Fraternity Family version**

Pheasant Under Glass

A few years ago one of my Frat bros who lives in a snow side mansion in Colorado with his model wife had an incident with a pheasant and a radiator!!  He was driving home with his hot wife Latrella from a Denver showing of ‘Hamilton the Ripper’ when a loud bird screech and a thud was heard!  Brother Mark seemed startled and pulled over to assess the situation!!  A large pheasant had flown to his death into Mark’s 2022 Electric Mercedes Truck’s radiator!!  Bloody pheasant carnage covered the I70 highway!  Brother Mark did not want to touch the pheasant remains in the radiator and paid a young man 20$ to remove the pheasant!!  The young man wanted 30 bucks and retired banker Mark sternly offered 10!  They settled for 20 bucks and Mark allowed the young man to take the partial pheasant home for dinner, explaining that pheasant under glass is amazing!!  All ends well except for the pheasant!!  see above!!

B in T Notes:

5 New Year Resolutions for Football Husbands and/or Boyfriends:

• Resolution 1. Husband to never invite a few dudes from work for a watch party in 2022 - last time 60 showed up - lots of death rays shot out of wife’s eyes - you might lose your left ball that night!
• Resolution 2. Husband to keep the lid down on the toilet seat all of 2022 or go outside deeeeaaaar!
• Resolution 3. Husband may not at any time offer to take a wife or girlfriend to dinner at a nice restaurant in August 2022 and walk in on a fantasy draft party ?!!  Both testicles could be placed in a 7 inch Craftsman Electric Vice Grip!
• Resolution 4. In 2022 Husbands or Boyfriends may not force or guilt wives or girlfriends to make tailgate food ? or brownies without a bribe such as flowers ?or pedicures throughout the football season!!
• Resolution 5. In 2022 we swear as true football husbands and/or boyfriends to not say bad words or expel fumes from the buttocks area during family events while football is being watched on TV!!  Penalty for not abiding this resolution - CASTRATION!  No shat bro!

Urban Meyer Goes Back to College:

Fired 2-12 Jacksonville Jaguars coach Urban Meyer has no one to blame but himself!!  The punishing and caustic rule over the team by Meyer has caused him numerous negative media stories.  His hard core antics do not work in the NFL and are becoming antiquated in college football as well.  He possibly might make a run at politics, perhaps the street refuse commissioner of Columbus, Ohio!  He is too much for the high school coaching scene and probably destined for the Fox Sports lineup when Bob Stoops gets the Jaguar job!!  Hahaha!  OU Bob does not want the Jaguar gig!!

College Basketball Picks!

ORU 81 Denver 58

The Flying Eagles ? of ORU are not a one man team according to Max Abmas who scores 63% of their points this season, we share the ball equally!!  I call bunk poop on that, Max!  Max < 3 = shoot the ball!!  This means that if Max Abmas has 3 or fewer folks covering him, he will shoot da ball!

Oklahoma State 78 at Texas Tech 72  State has more athletes but Tech has more coaches with Armani suits!!

Oklahoma 88 Kansas State 77

Coach Mosier and the OU Student section are in love!!  The Mosier Maniacs wore Leslie Nielsen (Airplane movie) masks in honor of the Bruce Weber look alike!

Baylor 77 at Iowa State 74

The Clones missed a 30-foot bank shot to tie the game at the buzzer!!  The fans were more upset when they discovered they would be spending the evening in Hilton Colosseum due to 20 inches of snowfall!!

Memphis 68 Tulsa 65

Tulsa played close but came up short to the NBA talented but Y league coached Memphis Tigers!!

B in T Bowl Picks:

Tax Slayer Gator Bowl

Texas A&M 34 Wake Forest 21

The Aggies are breathing easy that there 10 million a year, 8-4 record coach did not land an LSU or Notre Dame job.........yet!  Or are they sad he is not a coach for another team!!  Did Santa bring coach Jimbo Fisher toys or coal this year?

Bowl Gifts - Lifetime Tax Slayer tax work valued at 499.99$ -  Dicks Sporting Goods gift card valued at 200$

Outback Bowl- Tampa, Florida

Arkansas 31 Penn State 27

The sponsor, Outback Steakhouse, again handed out 60,000 free Blooming Onion coupons!  Fifteen folks were admitted to Tampa Mercy Hospital with minor injuries after a crowd smashed into the local Outback rushing to get the freebie onion rings!!  Arkansas QB K.J. Jefferson passed and rushed through the Nittany Lions defense similar to the Outback melee!!

Bowl Gifts:  60” Vizio TV combo icemaker - $650 value - a lifetime supply of 50% off coupons to Tallys Tampa cannabis shops - 52,000$ value if used every day for 50 years!!

PlayStation Fiesta Bowl

Oklahoma State 27 Notre Dame 21

Rugged midwestern no-nonsense OK State dudes against eastern private school preppies with polished gold Irish helmets. Cowboy linebacker Malcolm Rodriguez tackled the ND quarterback and halfback cuz he was not sure which had the ball on the read-option play!

Player Gifts:  complete PlayStation game with virtual life-size players worth 450,000$!!  Mazios Pizza coupon valued at 25$!!

Goodyear Cotton Bowl

Semi-Final

Alabama 38 Cincinnati 31

Coach Grumpy Saban refused to answer any questions regarding his relationship with the AFLAC Duck!!  After a reporter from the Dallas Morning Star asked him if the AFLAC star duck’s name was Maybelle, he stormed off the media podium and gave the audience the bird!!  True story, ask anyone or any duck you know!!  

Player Gifts:  a set of Goodyear radial snow tires with snow chains valued at 500$ and two tickets to a Dallas Cowboy preseason 2022 game - 50$ for the pair!!

Capital One Orange Bowl

Semi-Final

Georgia 26 Michigan 21

Georgia coach Smart guaranteed a victory over the Wolverines!!  Coach Khaki of Michigan guaranteed that he would be back coaching again next year till he loses against Ohio State and he is terminated 5 minutes after the game is over!!

Player Gifts:  400$ Gift card to Hooters Bar and Grill!!  Gucci silk team boxer shorts - 150$

Vrbo Citrus Bowl 

Iowa 27 Kentucky 18

The Iowa Hawkeyes have several players who have never seen a beach or Disney World!!  After fun in the sun, several Hawkeye players were stuck with 5-degree sunburns!!  Several new Sunscreen sponsors were signed immediately!

Player Gifts: A lifetime supply of Coppertone Sunblock 10 valued at - 500$  and 150$ off of any Vrbo rental in Paris, France!

Rose Bowl

Ohio State 41 Utah 30

The Buckeyes offense is led by C.J. Stroud passing for 345 yards with 25-33 and 4 passing touchdowns and 1 running!!  Brutus Buckeye's mascot head was stolen minutes before the game and found in a vat nacho cheese dip!!  Buckeye fans wept!!

Player Gifts:  Norelco Electric Shaver with power gliding heads for comfort - 100$  Magnum Condoms 1 year supply valued at 4.99   Lifetime supply of Gas-X valued at 600$

NFL picks:

Chiefs 31 at Bengals 24

The Chiefs are red hot and things are all roses until the President of the Chiefs Fan Club received a certified letter from the office of President Biden to rid themselves of the ‘Chief’ name immediately or face prosecution to the nth degree!

Cowboys 34 Cardinals 31

Dallas GM Stephen Jones announced that the New Year's Eve party ? has been moved to the Moonshine Bar in Frisco, Texas!  Put all drinks on father Jerry’s Platinum American Express Card!

Bears 24 Giants 14

The Bears QB Justin Fields arm speed is a bit stronger than my great aunt Alma when I watched her ring a chicken's neck in ‘64!!  True story!!  Western Grove, Arkansas, Google it!

Steelers 34 Browns 24

The Browns could win their division or come in last, looks like they picked the latter!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Happy Holiday Season to all you Sports Nuts!!!!⛄️⛄️?????

GET WELL BROTHER JOHNNY MAC!!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️??????

Family Bobbleheads:

Elf on the Shelf is WATCHING ?:

In a certain B in T grandkid’s home in midtown Tulsa, the Elf on the Shelf appeared around mid-November!!!! The young ones were on best behavior while the Elf watched!!  Ana cleaned dishes, set the dinner table, and Gus picked up the limbs and poop ? in the backyard!!  Overseeing the project was a stuffed 50-year-old elf that had watched Papa and all 4 Lohmeyer kids antics, and now watching the Grands!!  This Elf on the Shelf has seen 50 plus years of naughty but mostly adorable Lohmeyer rugrats!

Note:  I normally leave a twenty-dollar bill for the little fella to make sure we get good grades for Santa!

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I hope your families have a great Holiday Season!!

B in T notes:

B in T Top 6 Snow Football 

Games:

• 2000 Independence Bowl Texas A&M vs Mississippi State A freak snowstorm brought 10 inches of snow to Shreveport, unprepared collie mascot Reveille was forced to join a team of rescue sled dogs!!  True story!!
• 2007 - Bills vs Browns - huge snowstorm in Cleveland forced the game to be stopped numerous times to shovel off the snow to see yard line number!!  A back judge referee was buried alive but was recovered when a rescue worker spotted his silver whistle in the snow!!  A Christmas miracle!
• 1979 Cotton Bowl - Houston vs Notre Dame   A gargantuan ice storm hit Dallas, Irish QB, a little 5’11” Joey Montana, was frozen stiff to a metal bench and missed 6 plays while having hot water poured on his butt!!  True story!!  Dallas Morning News!
• The Leon Lett game - us Dallas Cowboy fans try to forget the Thanksgiving day fiasco!  6’4” 280 lb Leon Lett rambled and floundered in 7 inches of snow touching a live ball and giving the Dolphins the winning score!
• 1967 NFL Championship game- Greenbay vs Dallas - no snow but the temperatures in the minus degrees forced this game to be included on the snow list!!  Guard Jerry Kramer was known for the block that allowed Bart Starr to score the winning touchdown!  But Kramer was also known for eating a frozen hot dog in the 4th quarter!!
• 1991 - Tulsa vs Southern Mississippi - attended by yours truly, sun shining at start of game and snowstorm hit at halftime!  My eyelids were partially frozen so my recollection of the events may be slightly clouded!!  Evidently, with 58 seconds left TU was attempting a 42-yard field goal in 5 inches of snow!!  Tulsa called timeout and had a reserve lineman drive a bulldozer from an 11th street road work crew (wow what a shock) to clean a path in the snow!!  The field goal was good giving TU the late victory!!  

Simple Humor:

From super Tulsa World writer and occasional reader of B in T - Jimmy Tramel and a “Hee Haw” rerun:

“My wife ran off with the best friend I ever had.”

Was he handsome?

“I never met him.”

Think about it..........wait........OK....I got it!

Will New OU Coach need his Own Get Back Coach?

Coach Venables was very active and animated as a defensive coordinator at Oklahoma and Clemson!!  Clemson had a ‘get back’ assistant coach dedicated to holding him back from rushing on the field with a large toddler leash during games!!  OU will be announcing who their permanent ‘get back’ man will be soon.  Speculation is that pro wrestler The Undertaker will be hired!!  True shat!!

College Basketball Picks:

Tulsa 72 SMU 65

The SMU Ponyettes drill team invited the TU high steppers drill team for a meet and greet at Roosevelt's on 15th Street the night before the game!!  After some tea and pie, the girls had a small skirmish in the back restaurant parking lot!!  A couple of eyes were gouged out and three arms were broken but nothing serious!!  Good game, TU wins!

Arkansas 81 at Mississippi St. 72

The Razorbacks have more athletes than the Lakers!  Just a matter of time before coach Mussleman molds this team into an elite eight-team like last year!!

College Bowl Pick:

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl

Florida 41 UCF 38

Which of the following is a Gasparilla?

A.  A flower that lets out lethal gasses

B.  A badass pirate in the late 1800s!

C.  Toilet bowl tablet!!

D.  The term used for a dainty fart!

E.  All the above

F.  None of the above

The answer is B

Both teams are not known for their defenses and this was proven in the Gasp Bowl!!  Late UCF score made it a little uncomfortable for the Gators but they chomped down on the Knights in the end!

Bowl Gifts:

400$ Target Gift Card; 50$ Cannabis Gift Card; Starbucks 100$ Gift Card

Military Bowl by Peraton

Boston College 27 East Carolina 24

Major sponsor Peraton Security was in charge of the on-site security and dropped the ball when they shot down a toy Avenger drone piloted by a 12-year-old from the neighborhood!!  Boston College revealed the wing T formation at halftime and came from 14 points down to win by 3!!

Bowl Gifts:  Rayban Sunglasses 200$; Vizio 60 inch flat screen combo margarita machine valued at 600$

Eurozone Liberty Bowl

Texas Tech 45 Mississippi State 35

Stand-up comedian Coach Leach of the Bulldogs can coach some offense!  Leach was the head coach at Texas Tech 12 years ago and numerous Tech big dawgs are trying to lure him back to the flatlands!  According to my sources, he was offered the same salary and a guaranteed 2 year series with the Sy-Fy Channel!!  

Bowl Gifts:  A lifetime supply of Axe Aftershave - valued at 450$   I Phone 13 value according to Christmas commercials is priceless

Cheese -zit Bowl

Iowa State 38 Clemson 35

The Clones just learned that QB Brock Purdy has been awarded a hardship, double redshirt, covid-19, 8th-year masters degree deferral to play football one more year!!  The Clemson defense partied all week after learning Coach Venables has taken his hard-ass workouts to Oklahoma!!  The winning kick at the end of the game was a 63-yard field goal by backup walkon kicker Zelph Gopherstien from Holland!!  Coach Dabo Swinney insisted that the ball was overinflated by a member of the Clone equipment team!!  TMZ has sent its top film crew to investigate!!

Team Gifts:  Cheeze-zit pool table hanging light - valued at 200$ -  400$ Amazon Gift Card

Valero Alamo Bowl

Oklahoma 38 Oregon 35

OU hired coach Stoops temporarily while the new coach Brent Venables is in recruiting 7 states to replace the bare cupboard that was left by Benedict Arnold Riley!!  Coach Stoops was drenched by a case of Rock ‘n Roll Tequilla (Stoops is the Spokesman for Rock ‘n Roll) instead of Gatorade during the final seconds of the Alamo Bowl!!  After the game the team took a picture in the middle of the Alamo Bowl field and gave Lincoln Riley the number 1 sign with the middle finger!!  Thanks for the memories biiooootch!

Pro Football Picks:

Packers 28 Browns 27

Green Bay Packers office staff has agreed to send out 43,546  Christmas Fruit Cakes to stockholders this year!!

Cardinals 34 Colts 24

The Cardinals have the Colt's number and are headed to home-field advantage in the playoffs!!

Chiefs 27 Steelers 14

The Steelers are out of the playoffs for the first time in 6 years while the Chiefs keep on keeping on!!

Cowboys 31 Washington 21

The team known as Washington has agreed to call the Cowboys the team known as the team of boys from Dallas that beat us like a drum!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Snowman found at Whataburger trash bin!! DISMEMBERED

Bryan in Tulsa

⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️⛄️

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

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Family Bobbleheads:

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The Nation’s Most Boring Highway:

According to Atlas roadmaps, I still have from 1962, the most desolate and boring drive in America is I 44 between Tulsa and OKC!!  So when B in T accompanied his son-in-law to see an OKC Thunder game last week we had to be creative to kill the time on this flat and mountainless ride!  We ended up taking Mimi’s pimped-out Traverse in styling our trip to the City!!  To kill time and relationships with our immediate family members Andre decided to call and chat with our wives, kids, cousins, inlaws, friends, aunts, uncles, dogs, and even cats ?!!  We even called Andre’s mom and brother in Brazil!!  Note to file:  the time in Brazil at 6 pm in midwestern no where - is 5 am!!  I think Claudette (Andre’s mom) talked with him sternly in Portuguese for placing a social call to Rio before the roosters arose!!  Oh how time flew and the next thing we knew we were close to courtside at Paycom Arena in OKC sipping a Busch Light!!

?????Happy 30th BDay to my youngest daughter Maddie aka Maddog!!??????

FOUND!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SIDE NOTE: THE OLD SNOWMAN WAS STOLEN 9 DAYS BEFORE THIS ARTICLE!!!  I HOPE ANOTHER FAMILY ENJOYS IT!!  MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMAL!!  I HAVE CAMERA EVIDENCE BUT.........?TIS THE SEASON!  

B in T notes:

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B in T’s New Era Top 10 Christmas Specials:  2000 to Present

Elf - 2003 - “cotton-headed ninny muggins” is the best line in the history of Will Farrell movies!

Christmas Chronicles - 2018 -

Second best Kurt Russell movie to Tombstone!

Christmas with the Kranks - 2004 -  another Christmas classic with Tim Allen - a nuclear sunburned Allen was hilarious!

The Holiday - 2006 - a cute, loving Jack Black in this Christmas Love Story!

The Polar Express - 2004 - Tom Hanks’ voice and a train with unbelievable animation in the North Pole mountains make this show breathtaking!!

A Christmas Carol - 2009 - Jim Carrey makes this classic a holiday gem!

Four Christmases - 2008 - Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn rekindle their love through the holiday season with spiked egg not!

Bad Santa - 2003 - Billy Bob Thorton is a perfect nasty Santa for this dark comedy, all this classic lacks is bologna in a beard!!

Klaus - 2019 - an animated show with a postman who befriends a recluse toymaker in drag!!  This is true shat! 

WARNING:  NO ONE UNDER 18 OR OLDER THAN 65 SHOULD READ THE FOLLOWING:

According to the NCAA Bowl Organization, the following cities were denied Bowl admission in 2021:

• Dickshooter, Idaho
• Weiner, Arkansas
• Short Pump, Virginia
• Hooker, Oklahoma
• Cooter, Missouri
• Humptulips, Washington
• Blue Ball, Ohio
• Butzville, New Jersey

OU Fans Back Away from the Cliff!!

OU basketball coach Lon Kruger is the nicest man since Mr. Rogers left his neighborhood!!  Well-loved and respected by Sooner Nation retired leaving 3 players and guess what the team survived!  Coach Porter Moser was hired with 8 new players and not a beat was missed!!  The Sooners have a giant bear playing center and an 8-2 record!!  The next OU football coach will save the school football Gods from embarrassing 9-3 records in the future and bring a new wave of domination back to Sooner Nation!!  If softball legend coach Patti Gasso leaves, Athletic Director Paul Castiglione will be on suicide watch!!  The new dude has risen and it is BRENT VENABLES!!

OU Interim Coach Bob Stoops will call the offensive plays in Alamo Bowl;

The first five plays will go such:

• Down and out to Drake Stoops (Bob’s son)
• Fly pattern to Drake Stoops
• End around to Drake Stoops
• Screen to Drake Stoops
• Flea flicker to Drake Stoops

TU running back leads nation in yards per carry:

ANTHONY WATKINS LEADS THE NATION IN YARDS PER CARRY (7.6) , MOST EXPLOSIVE RB IN CFB WITHOUT A DOUBT ? ?

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College Basketball Picks:

Tulsa 72 Colorado State 70

The Rams are ranked for the first time since they played in the snow with a wooden apple basket!!!  I am picking TU to lose the games they are favored, and win the games they are underdogs!!  Thus TU hits a buzzer shots to win!!

Houston 82 Oklahoma State 75

The Cougars coach Kevlar Sampson walked into their home Fertitta arena like Elvis walks into a Memphis concert!!  He owned the place!!  Two sections of students wore blue denim shirts and were identified by ESPN as the Denim Dogs!!

Baylor 83 at Oregon 78

Baylor is slowly taking over Kansas perch on top of the Big 12!

A huge road win for the Bears as they devour the wittle Beavers!

Oral Roberts 87 at South Dakota 82

The first conference road trip required snow tire chains, a bus with a front-end shovel, and a team of sled dogs to get to the arena front door!  Two ORU players immediately went into the transfer portal when they arrive from Antarctica!!  No shat!

Oklahoma 93 Alcon State 70

The Sooners roll over the Alcorn State Braves and seem to be aiming for the top 25!

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Perfect Bowl Picks:

Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl

BYU 35 UAB 20

The BYU Cougars exploded for 3 touchdowns in the third quarter to take charge of the UAB Blazers!!

Bowl Gifts:  were unique yet weird!!  Each player received a 250$ gambling and drinking voucher for all the bars and casinos ? in Shreveport!!  This was nice for the BYU Morman players since most of their players are over 21 years old!  The parents and grandparents of the UAB players were excited to use their student-athlete vouchers due to their under 21-year-old no drinking and gambling laws!!

Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl - 

Utah State 41 Oregon State 31

Jimmy Kimmel put on a live 1-hour show at half-time of the game!!  Guests included Lady Gaga and OJ Simpson!!  

Bowl Gifts: Combination rollerblades and running ? shoes made by New Balance which are valued at 500$ on Amazon!!  Also added to the collection were player watches by Target valued at 35$ and team Christmas pajamas from Lulu Lemon!!

Myrtle Beach Bowl-

Tulsa 31 Old Dominion 21

The Tulsa fans were happier for the 37 area golf courses than the actual game!!  The Hurricane Happytimer group was upset that their TU flasks were confiscated by the Myrtle Beach undercover cops!!  The more mature TU fans offered homemade brownies to the MBPD and their TU flasks were returned with no charges!!

Bowl player gifts:

• A Case of Axe Body Spray
• Microsoft Xbox One console
• Under Armour backpack
• Might Boom Ball speakers
• Donald Duck Beanie

Tropical Smoothie Frisco Bowl 

UTSA 38 San Diego State 35

The Texas-San Antonio Roadrunners outran the mighty Aztec for an exciting bowl victory!

Bowl player gifts:  

250$ Tropical Smoothie Gift card: 400$ Play Station 6;  2 boxes of Little Debbie Christmas edibles!

Lockheed Armed Forces Bowl

Army 17 Missouri 13

Army out bored Missouri in this bowl of two inept offenses!!

Bowl Player Gifts:  

Fake Gucci team underwear; Ogio Marshall Pack backpack; Replica Animal house beanie; Big Game football!

NFL Picks:

Chargers 34 Chiefs 21

The Chargers and the Chiefs are tied for the division lead but the tiebreaker goes to the Chargers due to the K Cs Mahomes’ hair product commercials!

Browns 24 Raiders 17

The Browns and Baker are trying to make up for harsh words said earlier in the season!  Winning helps always!!

Cowboys 31 at Giants 27

The Cowboys are 1 win from sealing up the Eastern Division of the NFC!!  Don't ruin it and start coaching again Jerry!!

Cardinals 28 at Lions 26 

The Cardinals have super quick QB Kyler Murray back for the final turn in the Championship NFC race for the best record!!  Looks like they have a chance!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

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