From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
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| Scott Meacham, director of the Office of State Finance, says his magical pimp hat keeps his bitches in line during the lengthy process of negotiation. |
By Lee Cruce, Partisan Staff Writer
From tobacco compacts to gambling and Medicaid expansion, state finance director Scott Meacham was one of the most effective forces in Oklahoma government. However, the Elk City banker is quick to give credit where credit is due, acknowledging the magical powers of his purple pimp hat.
“The hat keeps my (prostitutes) in line,” said Meacham.
“Tobacco retailers are all like, ‘We can’t compete with the tribes’ and I’m like, ‘Be cool bitches.’ You gotta respect the hat. Otherwise you get the slap.”
Meacham said his headgear’s purple velvet crown makes him seem more approachable, while the zebra-striped band subtle indicates that he ain’t f#@kin’ around. Legislators and other officials are generally supportive of Meacham’s hat, although they have a less-favorable opinion of his vicious backhand slaps.
“I was arguing gambling expansion about a month ago,” said Rep. Forrest Claunch, R-Midwest City,
“and the next thing I know, I’m getting slapped across the face while Scott screams ‘Who’s your daddy?’”
Meacham explained that, in the course of his work, it is often necessary to lay the smack down on punk bitches. “You got a problem, you can take it up with the hat,” he said. Punk-ass bitches have asked Gov. Brad Henry to restrain Meacham. However, following an assault by “the five fingers of progress,” Henry said he ain’t goin’ there again.
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