From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
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| Children continue to absorb oil assets for frivolous desires |
By Raymond Gary, Partisan Staff Reporter
In the past two years, oil has surged past children as Oklahoma’s most precious natural resource, an industry analyst said last week. Gordon McLain, speaking at a luncheon for energy executives and state lawmakers, said aggressive incentives for oil and gas companies would prove far more profitable than spending money on the state’s children.
"In the next three to five years, oil will continue to move to $60 or $70 a barrel. At the same time, we see the market for children continuing to decline,“
said McLain.
"Given the state’s limited budget, it would generate more wealth to invest in oil, rather than spending the time and money it takes to make the average child profitable."
In recent weeks, energy and education forces have squared off over House Bill 1715, which exempts certain oil and gas related equipment from ad valorem taxes at the expense of state schools. Rep. Kevin Calvey, the measure’s author, said McLain’s presentation showed the need for the state to stop putting our children ahead of big energy companies.
"Devon has seen billions in profit over the past three years. In the same time span, the average child has barely learned to speak or walk upright. Which do you think is more profitable?"
said Calvey, R-Del City.
Faced with McLain’s charts and graphs, even skeptical lawmakers conceded that children were a nearly worthless natural resource.
After speaking with McClain, Gov. Brad Henry announced he would no longer seeking funding for all-day kindergarten. "Lottery tickets are a better deal,” said Henry. Supporters of the state’s struggling child industry say the market could be improved through decreased government regulation. Currently, child production and storage is governed by extensive feed, abuse and neglect laws that eat into profit margins.
Child officials are calling for increased funding for production, as well as the abolition of treatment standards, which they say will allow the child labor industry to compete with oil and gas companies. “Children are our most precious natural resource,” said advocates. “Until you run out of gas,” replied McLain.
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