Rural Democrats Announce Deal To Sell souls In Exchange For Farm Subsidies

oklahomapartisan:

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Rural lawmakers have announced an agreement to sell their souls in exchange for farm subsidies. Under the terms of the deal, farm subsidies would be purchased from House leadership in exchange for the core principles of the Democratic Party.

  Rep. Wed Hilliard, D-Sulphur, said it made sense for the group to jettison excess baggage. “As Oklahoma Democrats grow more conservative, we find our liberal ideals aren’t being used,” Hilliard said. “Since they’re just gathering dust, we have no problem getting rid of them in exchange for sweet, sweet farm subsidies.” “Mmmm… Farm subsidies,” said Rep. R.C. Pruett, D-Antlers.

   Speaker of the House Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville, said he is delighted with the deal.

 “Working with conservative Democrats, I was able to purchase several core values that had blocked meaningful workers comp reform for the state of Oklahoma. With these principles out of the way, it was much easier to push through tort reform as well.”

   While the process had widespread support in the House, several Senate Democrats have expressed concern. Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma City, is calling for a task force to investigate rural lawmakers addiction to farm subsidies. 

“Certainly, it appears that farm subsidy addiction is on the rise among Democrats,”

 said Monson. “We want to get these lawmakers into treatment, to break this vicious cycle. No one should have to sell their souls in exchange for government handouts.”