Stitt Expected to Cast Ballot
by Rick Carpenter
(Tulsa) - Mortgage banker Kevin Stitt has indicated that he plans to vote in the Tuesday Republican primary. The event will be watched closely by social-scientists since it will be the 8th time Stitt has voted in this century. Also, it will mark the first time Stitt has voted in a Republican primary for Governor.
Records indicate there have been more appearances of solar eclipses in Oklahoma in this century, than appearances of Kevin Stitt at a polling place. Asked if he knew where his polling place was, Stitt said, “I’m pretty sure my wife does, ain’t she beautiful.”
“I see all of these TV ads with my name on them and it makes me feel like my vote matters” said Still. “I think I should try it again, like jumping out of an airplane.”
Stitt said he appreciated all of the attention from whoever was buying the TV ads. When informed that he has spent nearly $2 million dollars on TV advertising Stitt exclaimed, “that’s where that money went! I thought I was going to have to foreclose on some elderly poor with adjustable rates.”
Stitt said that like most Oklahomans he strongly supported Ted Cruz in his bid for the presidency. Again, records show Stitt did not actually vote on Super Tuesday. “I would have voted for him. But hey, I just didn’t have time. I had a widow to foreclose on,” Still said. “Those can take all day with all the screaming and howling,, and the kids keep grabbing onto my pants leg. Do you know what these suits cost.”
< Kevin Stitt lives in a South Tulsa gated estate and votes at a nearby airport where most of Tulsa's private jets are hangared.