The Partisan

Legislator Asks Brad Edwards To 'Please Get Out of Our Corner'

6/20/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

Brad Edwards, In Our Corner

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – A metropolitan-area lawmaker has authored legislation to get KFOR newscaster Brad Edwards out of our corner, where he has been for over 10 years.

Sen. Cliff Branan, R-Oklahoma City, said it was time for Edwards to move on.

“People are coming come from work, flipping on the lights, and Brad is just standing there, It’s creepy.”

said Branan.

KFOR producer David Bennent defended Edwards’ history of being in our corner. “Brad Edwards has always defended the people of Oklahoma, everything from poor hygiene at fast food restaurants or home remodeling gone wrong,” said Bennent.

“He needs to be in your corner to do that, and he promises he won’t disturb your ficus plant.” Branan said he acknowledges Edwards’ work on behalf of Oklahoma consumers. However, he questioned why the newscaster felt compelled to stand in the corner.

“People have reported him rocking back and forth, mumbling that he’s been a very naughty boy,”

said Branan. “What’s up with that?” Under Branan’s legislation, Edwards would be forced out of our corner. He would be to stand along our wall, or within our closet.

Stories We're Still Working On..

6/19/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

– Robert’s Rules of Order to be replaced by Wu-Tang style
– Legislation involving beer, horses isn’t as cool as you’d think
– Legislature considers razing Capitol Dome, building another damn Walgreens
– OSU Final Four loss somehow blamed on Carroll Fisher
– To speed up legislative process, governor issued two hands, flashlight
– Term-limited lawmakers no longer bothering to put on pants
– Guthrie mobilizing National Guard in bid to retake state capitol
– Yep, House Staffer has done it there too
– The gay marriage ban: Could it destroy the Mathis Brothers?

We’ll continue publishing when we get our halloween costumes figured out.

Balkmans Reagan Shrine A Little Creepy

6/18/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

OKLAHOMA CITY (FU) - Last week, House staffers admitted that they were disconcerted by Rep. Thad Balkman’s shrine to former president Ronald Reagan.

“It’s a little creepy,” conceded a committee staffer, speaking only on the condition of anonymity.

"I mean, it takes up half of his office, and the incense gets a little strong sometimes.“

Balkman has authored House Joint Resolution 1001, "recognizing and declaring Ronald Reagan Day… declaring an emergency.” The bill was a scaled-back version of his original bill, which would have made Reagan the official mascot of Oklahoma.

Rep. Thad Balkman

The bill has some opposition in the Democratic-controlled Senate, but Republicans are planning on screaming “Hillary Clinton-lovers!” until dissent is squelched.

Having fixed all of the state’s other socioeconomic problems, Balkman said it was crucial to recognize that Reagan was the only U.S. President who never made a mistake… ever. He also plans on authorizing companion legislation later this year, declaring former president Bill Clinton an enemy of the state.

Nobody Really Knows Who Amended HB 2355

6/17/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – State lawmakers admitted Tuesday that they had no idea who amended HB 2355, regarding performance awards issued by the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation.

The amendment added a new paragraph to the first section of the bill. As apparently approved, the paragraph reads “Metallica rules.” Rep. Lucky Lamons, D-Tulsa, author of the legislation, says he isn’t sure when the amendment was added. “It might have been in the Appropriations Subcommittee on Public Safety,” he said, “but I really don’t remember.”

Committee Chair Sen. Dick Wilkerson, D-Atwood, conceded that the amendment could have been approved during the meeting. “It was getting late, and I wanted to get home and watch ‘Survivor,’ so I think we pretty much approved everything on the table and went home.” House Minority Leader Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville wasted no time attacking the legislation.

“This is typical of the Democrats ‘bait-and-switch’ policies,”

he said. “They did the same thing with tort reform and worker’s compensation.” Legislators have declined to repeal the amendment. “I don’t think it’s hurting anything,” said Lamons, “and besides, none of us are sure what a ‘Metallica’ is.” Under other provisions outlined in the bill, the ruling status of Metallica will be enforced by OSBI and the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics.

The Capitol Botox Epidemic

6/16/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

That shocked and expressionless zombie apocalypse-look is getting quite fashionable in political circles.

While most of the geriatric peacocks claim not to even know what Botox is, we all can spot those with a needle addiction from all the way across the caucus rooms.

Other stories we’re working on for next press date (if the wild rumors are even close to ‘plausible’)..

– Senate fails SB 666 on general principle

– Warning: In case of Rapture, House will be unmanned

Corn Announces Resignation To Run For Student Council

6/15/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Sen. Kenneth Corn, D-Poteau, announced his resignation Wednesday in order to pursue a vacant seat in his high school’s student council.

“I feel that my experience in state government has given me the skills necessary to accomplish meaningful change for the students of Howe High School.”

Corn said that, if elected, he would work on getting a Coke machine in the senior cafeteria and maybe moving the prom to an off-campus location.

Rural Democrats Announce Deal To Sell souls In Exchange For Farm Subsidies

6/14/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Rural lawmakers have announced an agreement to sell their souls in exchange for farm subsidies. Under the terms of the deal, farm subsidies would be purchased from House leadership in exchange for the core principles of the Democratic Party.

Rep. Wed Hilliard, D-Sulphur, said it made sense for the group to jettison excess baggage. “As Oklahoma Democrats grow more conservative, we find our liberal ideals aren’t being used,” Hilliard said. “Since they’re just gathering dust, we have no problem getting rid of them in exchange for sweet, sweet farm subsidies.” “Mmmm… Farm subsidies,” said Rep. R.C. Pruett, D-Antlers.

Speaker of the House Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville, said he is delighted with the deal.

“Working with conservative Democrats, I was able to purchase several core values that had blocked meaningful workers comp reform for the state of Oklahoma. With these principles out of the way, it was much easier to push through tort reform as well.”

While the process had widespread support in the House, several Senate Democrats have expressed concern. Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma City, is calling for a task force to investigate rural lawmakers addiction to farm subsidies.

“Certainly, it appears that farm subsidy addiction is on the rise among Democrats,”

said Monson. “We want to get these lawmakers into treatment, to break this vicious cycle. No one should have to sell their souls in exchange for government handouts.”

Frustated Meacham Puts Governor In Time-out

6/13/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

Department of Finance Director Scott Meacham

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Citing the need “to get some work done around here,” Department of Finance Director Scott Meacham put Gov. Brad Henry in time-out Wednesday.

“I’m just frustrated right now,” Meacham said of the action. “I’m trying to broker delicate deals between tobacco retailers, tribes, horse racers and others, and he’s jumping up and down bugging me to take him to Sonic. I didn’t want to bring him to work with me, but Susan (Meacham’s wife) had to go out of town and so now he’s following me around the Capitol.” Meachum put Henry in time-out for 20 minutes while he worked on gathering support for legislation that would raise the sales tax on tobacco.

“I feel a little guilty about it,” Meacham said, “but I really needed to concentrate. I’ve got a job to do here and, if I let him run around this place, he’d just end up giving a press conference or something.”

Meacham said that, to make it up to the governor, he would take him to Sonic after work.

Hobson Explains Frequent Absences

6/12/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

I’m Batman,’ says Senate President Pro Tempore

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) - Senate President Pro Tempore Cal Hobson apologized to the Democratic caucus this week, saying that his frequent absences were due to his moonlighting as a caped crusader. “I don’t know how else to say this,” said Hobson, D-Lexington. “I’m Batman.”

Democratic senators have been critical of Hobson’s performance this year, and some have asked the lawmaker to step aside. However, up until a recent caucus meeting, the Legislature was unaware of the Pro Tem’s secret identity.

Democratic caucus chair Sen. Kenneth Corn, D-Howe, said the group would need time to process this new information. “With great power comes great responsibility,” said Corn. “We understand that (Hobson) knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. However, the failure of Governor Henry’s tort reform proposal to win a hearing has led us to believe we need a leader with more time to dedicate to the legislative process.”

Following the caucus meeting, Hobson said he would abide by the decision of his colleagues, before dropping a smoke bomb on the group and exiting the Capitol via grappling hook.

Legislator Confirmed To Be Marilyn Manson

6/11/2021

From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.

OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – House Republicans were shocked to learn that one of their own, Rep. Tad Jones, R-Claremore, had previously fronted 90’s shock-rock band Marilyn Manson. In his rock-and-roll heyday, Manson was renown for his satanic imagery and explicit lyrics.

The star fell from prominence in the late 90s, the victim of post-Columbine fallout and overshadowed by the rise of such provocative acts as Eminem and Creed.

Changing his name to Tad Jones, “the most boyish, innocent-sounding name I could think of,” Manson was elected to the District 9 seat in 1998. As a performer, Manson was renown for his on-stage antics, including stunts featuring goats’ blood, blow-up dolls and strap-on dildos.

As the House minority whip, Jones has authored legislation regarding school district elections and the use of golf carts on city streets. He says his day as the quasi-satanic musician are behind him, though he may still cover himself in blood during House debate.

The Oklahoma Partisan

In 2004 & 2005, an anonymous group of journalist/artists compiled a library of what then was contemporary humor surrounding Oklahoma state government. Sadly the venture only lasted a couple years. But the Oklahoma Partisan was a gem of political comedy.
Today most of these characters of focus are no longer in the public arena. But the levity provided at their expense served to help the closely divided legislature to laugh at their colleagues. The truly humble among them even laughed when the joke was on them.

Archives

October 2024
August 2023
July 2023
June 2023
May 2023
April 2023
March 2023
February 2023
January 2023
December 2022
November 2022
October 2022
September 2022
June 2022
May 2022
April 2022
March 2022
February 2022
January 2022
December 2021
November 2021
October 2021
September 2021
August 2021
July 2021
June 2021
May 2021
August 2020
July 2020

Categories

FRONT PAGE • OKLAHOMA NEWS • EDITORIAL • SOONER ISSUES • STATE GROUPS • SOONER ANALYSTS • LAWMAKER'S JOURNAL • NATION • NATIONAL COMMENTARY • CARTOONS •

918 . 928 . 7776

SoonerPolitics.org is committed to informing & mobilizing conservative Oklahomans for civic reform & restored liberty. We seeks to utilize the efforts of all cooperative facets of the Conservative movement... Content of the diverse columns are solely at the discretion of the dozens of websites who create the content. David Van Risseghem is the founder of this platform.
Sooner Politics News is a platform, not a media site. All our bloggers get their feeds promoted regardless of content. As soon as We suppress or delete even one posting, we become an endorser of whatever We didn't censor..The publisher doesn't (and could not) logically agree with all the content, so we would not expect any rational reader to agree, either. What we do hope, is that readers will think for themselves, and at least be better informed of the issues, events, and values that our citizen journalists work hard to provide for free.. We automate much of the tasks so that our sources' content gets as much exposure as possible. We encourage constructive discussion & debate. The solution is more free speech, not less.