From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
That shocked and expressionless zombie apocalypse-look is getting quite fashionable in political circles.
While most of the geriatric peacocks claim not to even know what Botox is, we all can spot those with a needle addiction from all the way across the caucus rooms.
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From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Sen. Kenneth Corn, D-Poteau, announced his resignation Wednesday in order to pursue a vacant seat in his high school’s student council.
“I feel that my experience in state government has given me the skills necessary to accomplish meaningful change for the students of Howe High School.”
Corn said that, if elected, he would work on getting a Coke machine in the senior cafeteria and maybe moving the prom to an off-campus location.
From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Rural lawmakers have announced an agreement to sell their souls in exchange for farm subsidies. Under the terms of the deal, farm subsidies would be purchased from House leadership in exchange for the core principles of the Democratic Party.
Rep. Wed Hilliard, D-Sulphur, said it made sense for the group to jettison excess baggage. “As Oklahoma Democrats grow more conservative, we find our liberal ideals aren’t being used,” Hilliard said. “Since they’re just gathering dust, we have no problem getting rid of them in exchange for sweet, sweet farm subsidies.” “Mmmm… Farm subsidies,” said Rep. R.C. Pruett, D-Antlers.
Speaker of the House Todd Hiett, R-Kellyville, said he is delighted with the deal.
“Working with conservative Democrats, I was able to purchase several core values that had blocked meaningful workers comp reform for the state of Oklahoma. With these principles out of the way, it was much easier to push through tort reform as well.”
While the process had widespread support in the House, several Senate Democrats have expressed concern. Sen. Angela Monson, D-Oklahoma City, is calling for a task force to investigate rural lawmakers addiction to farm subsidies.
“Certainly, it appears that farm subsidy addiction is on the rise among Democrats,”
said Monson. “We want to get these lawmakers into treatment, to break this vicious cycle. No one should have to sell their souls in exchange for government handouts.”
From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) – Citing the need “to get some work done around here,” Department of Finance Director Scott Meacham put Gov. Brad Henry in time-out Wednesday.
“I’m just frustrated right now,” Meacham said of the action. “I’m trying to broker delicate deals between tobacco retailers, tribes, horse racers and others, and he’s jumping up and down bugging me to take him to Sonic. I didn’t want to bring him to work with me, but Susan (Meacham’s wife) had to go out of town and so now he’s following me around the Capitol.” Meachum put Henry in time-out for 20 minutes while he worked on gathering support for legislation that would raise the sales tax on tobacco.
“I feel a little guilty about it,” Meacham said, “but I really needed to concentrate. I’ve got a job to do here and, if I let him run around this place, he’d just end up giving a press conference or something.”
Meacham said that, to make it up to the governor, he would take him to Sonic after work.
From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd. I’m Batman,’ says Senate President Pro Tempore
OKLAHOMA CITY (OP) - Senate President Pro Tempore Cal Hobson apologized to the Democratic caucus this week, saying that his frequent absences were due to his moonlighting as a caped crusader. “I don’t know how else to say this,” said Hobson, D-Lexington. “I’m Batman.”
Democratic senators have been critical of Hobson’s performance this year, and some have asked the lawmaker to step aside. However, up until a recent caucus meeting, the Legislature was unaware of the Pro Tem’s secret identity.
Democratic caucus chair Sen. Kenneth Corn, D-Howe, said the group would need time to process this new information. “With great power comes great responsibility,” said Corn. “We understand that (Hobson) knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. However, the failure of Governor Henry’s tort reform proposal to win a hearing has led us to believe we need a leader with more time to dedicate to the legislative process.”
Following the caucus meeting, Hobson said he would abide by the decision of his colleagues, before dropping a smoke bomb on the group and exiting the Capitol via grappling hook.
From the archives of Oklahoma’s great political satire writers of decades past, we bring you this classic reprint of a spoof that caused more than a little irritation to the political class on Lincoln Blvd.
By Henry Johnston, Partisan Staff Reporter
A Tulsa legislator burst into flames last week during debate on legislation that would nullify job protection for homosexuals. Roger Williams, a spokesman for the state fire marshal, said Rep. Daniel Sullivan, R-Tulsa, ignited following an accidental exposure to logic.
“It appears that Sullivan’s temperature rose rapidly during debate of HB 1756. We suspect that the heat may be have been released due to a sudden collapse in the integrity of the lawmaker’s reasoning,”
Williams said. At the time of the ignition, Williams had just explained that the bill “was not discrimination, from my point of view.” He said that the bill actually supported equal rights, by denying “special rights” for homosexuals.
At this point, authorities suspect the argument collapsed from within. The invocation of “special rights” jargon collided head-on with the numerous rights that are “special” to heterosexuals, most notably the right to marry in a civil ceremony. “For the lawmaker to argue in favor of equality, he would have had to support gay marriage. Unfortunately, empirical evidence suggests that Sullivan does not support any recognition of homosexual unions, and therefore believes in ‘special rights’ for heterosexuals,” said Williams. “This damaged the credibility of the source, making it especially easy for logic to enter the argument.”
Normally, Williams said, such bills are encased in a layer of homophobia, which protects them from exposure to common sense. Williams said that, in his haste to pander, Sullivan had forgotten to stress how homosexuals were the single greatest threat to Oklahomans’ way of life. “Had Sullivan couched his arguments in more hysterical, reactionary terms, it would have been impossible for logic to enter the room,” said Williams. “Unfortunately, outside observers were able to see that HB 1746 didn’t create any jobs, lower any taxes, or in any way raise anyone’s quality of life.”
In addition, Williams said Sullivan’s arguments were weakened by their inability to be reconciled with Republican political theory. This left his reasoning especially flammable.
“The Republican platform favors smaller centralized government and more local control. By denying county and municipal governments the ability to determine their own policies, (Sullivan) was in complete contradiction with the foundation of his party.”
Had the lawmaker put forth a position consistent with this platform, he might have been able to survive an analytical assault, Williams explained. Some have theorized that Sullivan’s reasoning was so self-contradictory that the inherent paradoxes actually ripped a hole in the fabric of space. “Traditionally, it was the Oklahoma Democrats that favored these types of policies,” said Jim Wiley, associate professor of history and quantum physics at the University of Oklahoma.
“Seeing an Oklahoma Republican propose the bill might have been more than the time-space continuum could bear.” In any case, authorities are urging caution as the bill advances to the Senate. Williams and Wiley both suggested that lawmakers place the bill aside until it can be supported with something more than paranoid ranting.
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The Oklahoma PartisanIn 2004 & 2005, an anonymous group of journalist/artists compiled a library of what then was contemporary humor surrounding Oklahoma state government. Sadly the venture only lasted a couple years. But the Oklahoma Partisan was a gem of political comedy. Archives
August 2023
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