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CDC Issues Updated Pandemic Helmet Protocols

5/7/2021

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Helmets Recommended While Wearing Masks, Due To Fainting Risks.

  Dr. Anthony Fauci now recognizes the risks of fainting due to lack of oxygen when strenuously working or exercising while wearing the necessary masks which have saved the human race. The risks of overheating in hot summer temps is yet another reason for mandating a full head protection advisory for the entire USA.
  Showering and swimming helmets are now available, as well. 
  "Until we reach acceptable herd immunity, significant risks are present for severe injury & death"; said the medical advisory council press statement. "Kids on the playground are getting hurt when fainting from lack of oxygen. Especially when multiple layers of masks are restricting airflow."
  Joggers and Zumba class participants report severe harms from fainting & subsequent falls.  This is now a national health emergency and must be met with a strong public policy of preventing head trauma.
  Municipalities are now drafting ordinances and governors are consulting with state medical authorities to set mandates for entry into mass transit and public buildings.
  In a related move, a separate policy is being developed for wearing personal floatation devices on land, when crossing bridges, or walking near fountains or creeks. 
​ It's not known if rain forecasts will also trigger life vests outside the home or while bathing & showering.
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Government workers may soon be issued safety helmets with protect masks from slippage.

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Urban Thug Response Plan

10/18/2020

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It's important to know when the community is in danger.

​To help, we created this chart.

URBAN THUG RESPONSE PLAN
​

​Tragedy happens -
Disaster happens -
Sports team loses -
Sports team wins -
National holiday - 
Police controversy -
Lack social events -
Nothing fun to do -
Feeling rowdy -
Manhood impugned -
Need a date -
Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​
Pillage the city
​Pillage the city
​​
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Hey, Let's Make A Federal Flag Desecration Law!

6/23/2020

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  Last Saturday I sat in the local arena while President Trump voiced an initiative to create a federal statute against burning the 'American Flag'. He wants a 1 year jail sentence for anyone convicted of burning their own flag.
  Immediately I thought.. Where was this guy when the Supreme Court followed Justice Scalia's lead and issued an affirmation of freedom of expression regarding what someone does with their own flag?
  We're not talking about destroying other people's property or even starting a fire in city hall. This proposal strictly criminalizes the act of 'desecrating a specific nation's banner, just because of the meaning attached to that banner.
  In 1989, I thought Scalia was a disaster pick for the Supreme Court when he issued his ruling. Now I've come to see the essential constitutional requirement of forbearance when someone insults my republic in this way. It's essential to who we are, that we extend that liberty for some ungrateful idiot to do such foolish & spiteful things.
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Poor Richard's Pandemic Almanac

4/16/2020

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  Public Health Advisor and therapist, Richard Engle; penned the collective & unabridged set of public health advisories from the various & self-anointed ministries of health.
  We're reposting by permission (assuming he grants it), so you can at least understand in the clearest possible ways; what your public servants need you to know.
  After all, it's their job to make you feel safe and protected, as only the govt. can give such assurances.
​ It would be funny if it weren't so sadly true. OK, its funny anyway. So let's get to it..
​

Poor Richard's Health Almanac


Here are the official Coronavirus guidelines:
1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.  (continued..)
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EYS Releases Master Pandemic Prepper List

3/12/2020

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  With the whole world clamouring about an exotic new designer stain of virus spreading across the world within weeks, the focus is properly upon what behaviors most jeopardize our health, and ultimately our lives.
 So we turned to the Center for disease control to find out what are the top 10 causes of death.
​
"Americans are doing too much living, and it's killing them"; said Emma Matheson, chairman of the  EYS study group. Abstaining from the most dangerous behaviors and proactively implementing safeguards will make a huge difference in how long you live.

  This was not as clarion as we'd hoped. It seems your dangers are statistically tied to your particular demographics.  So as not to get too thick in the weeds, we decided to list the 10 biggest dangers by age group.
  Then we compiled a no-nonsense list of preventative measures to insure the least amount of risk to not only your life, but also your youthful good health.
  The pie charts below have 6 age groups   You'll see the 10 listed causes of the most death. We're adding a column to the right of each box, to detail some ways you can limit your risks.

  Influenza viruses never made the top 5 causes of death in any demographic we studied.

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Delay infant mobility, such as crawling & walking. 

Stay away from playgrounds and other attractions
​
Don't smile at strangers or wear cute outfits

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Wear protective armor at all times. 

avoid athletic & fitness fads. 

Begin psychotherapy early

Avoid romantic entanglements which cause despair when terminated.


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Avoid jobs, especially physical occupations.

Stay connected to your therapist

Outdoor sports are an extreme risk!

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  Avoid all radiation sources, such as wifi, cellphones, TVs, microwaves, & smart meters,
​
Stop strenuous work and exercises which effect your heart.

​Stay out of vehicles & off dangerous roads.

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  You're far less likely to die at work or in athletic pursuits.

  Don't stress your heart. refrain from confrontational dialogue with neighbor kids walking on your lawn.

Stay away from cellphones, TVs, wifi, & microwaves
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You're unlikely to die from athletic accidents.

But you can't consume anything which might clog arteries.

Sugar is safer than bacon for you.(statistically)
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PSL Calls For Twirling Ban Legislation

1/29/2020

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PictureDr. Margaret Gulch - PSL-OK
The Pediatric Sobriety League of Oklahoma has called for legislation to put restrictions & safeguards on children's activities, citing head injuries and mental illness among the tragic consequences associated with the mind altering vices. **
 Dr. Margaret Gulch of the PSL-OK said; "We must stop the exploitation of our children.". She went on to call for a 1000ft zoning regulation to keep gymnastics academies away from our schools and churches. The group plans to ask Rep. Jim Olsen to amend his Dispensary bill to include these gymnastics academies, which the PSL claims are so harmful.
  The Senate  Health & Human Services Committee may also take up the issue. Statistics show that more of our at-risk children are harmed by twirling than by prescription drugs and vaccinations.
  The OSSAA is also asked to keep figure skating & ballet out of the organized competitions sponsored by the high school league.
  "The pressure to perform & compete is just one more way that children are exploited by shady figures who open dance academies and other greedy pursuits.", said Miss Gulch, a pediatric addictions specialist. "They're a menace to the community! They encourage immodesty in society."



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How Did A Retired Rancher Get Banned From Tractor Supply Store

11/24/2019

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  I've just received a letter from a reader.  You need to read it and defend the rights of our retirees. 
  "Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of my dog's food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout, when the clerk asked me if I had a dog? What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.
  I added that I probably shouldn't, because ! ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
  Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her, 'no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear end & a car hit me.' I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
​ I'm now banned from Tractor Supply. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of things to say."
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Don't mock a big chain checkout clerk or make her look bad in front of other customers. The boss don't like it. They have a hard enough time, filling those low-pay jobs.
Disclaimer:
  We don't censor these free speech expressions. That's for our readers to do.
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Muskogee Illuminati Holds Secret Conference

11/22/2019

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  A shadowy group of bankers, former politicians, media companies, and clergy met in secret over the past 3 days, in The Sequoyah Lodge Resort, in Rural Cherokee County. The state-run lodge refused to confirm or deny the event or share any details of the guests.  
  Speculations are rampant about the nature of the group or what their goals might be. Some believe it was a group of investors seeking some state govt. concession on tax breaks to help boost the undisclosed ventures. 
  One trash can had a map with Interstate 50 drawn through northern Oklahoma, & spanning from Las Vegas to Birmingham.
 Still others overheard talk in the lounge regarding A change in the state code to allow tax-exempt sales of medical marijuana when the dispensary is owned by a church or other 501C3 charitable nonprofit entity.
  One maintenance worker said he overheard talk of pitching to the legislature a proposed rebuilding of Fountainhead Lodge, on Lake Eufaula.  The worker said one Republican at the meeting insisted that the reason why the old Fountainhead failed was due to Democrat management and kickbacks to Gene Stipe's cronies.
  One housecleaning staffer said she only knows they didn't tip any of of the cleaning crews.
#SatireSaturday
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Will I-50 be built across northern Oklahoma?

  We're going to keep working on this lead until we get a solid story to report. Any information the public can provide will be especially helpful.  Please write to Dewey@SoonerPolitics.org
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'Dog Whistles' With Double Meanings

10/6/2019

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  Did you just affirm your allegiance to Satan & his AntiChrist? According to the logic used by conspiracy nuts, you may be condemned to hell and bearing the mark of the beast?
  The nutty echo chambers of the Anti Defamation League have gone off the deep end and lost their tether ropes. they are adrift without any orientation to objective truth.
  What better time to enjoin them with more of their own skewed rationale and indulge them yet more theories, using the proven altered reality of a deep state self justification.
  The leftists at the Anti Defamation League just published a claim to the effect that the sign language gesture of well being and contentment, is somehow a dark and evil conspiracy to promote a racist agenda from caucasian roots.
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Barack Obama was raised by his white mother & grandparents.
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  In the weeks to come, we'll expose the dark hidden meaning of;
  • closed fist,
  • open fist,
  • thumb extended, and
  • finger extended (all 4 versions)
  The ADL posted this 'WP' image on their database of 'Hate Symbols'. at this link.

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Beto Takes Pride In His Shame

7/16/2019

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  White guilt is the new sacrament of caucasian proselytes to the socialist global new order.
  Beto O'Rourke wants the world to know that he has completed his discovery of debased self worth. 
  Yesterday he jubilantly announced to the world that his dispicable white family was a slave-owning bunch.
  Now, to most families this would be a thing of quiet dishonor and perhaps a reason to draw together the grandchildren and explain the facts in a supportive environment of love, encouragement, and grief counseling.
  But Beto is a leftist Democrat politician, so he has a different prescribed process of dealing with it.
  He believes that his great, great, grandparent's behavior now makes him the best leftist candidate to move the culture and the nation past this issue.
  Cards & lettering of consoling will do nothing to help Beto.  Beto is proud. Proud of his shame. It's a pride he should be ashamed of, But it is, instead; a shame that he's proud of.
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    Dewey Fudge provides his perspective from satirical sources and the trash cans of Sooner Politics

      We seek to avail our readers of all the news perspectives and writing styles. To this end, we present the world without gravitas or literality.

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 SoonerPolitics.org is committed to informing & mobilizing conservative Oklahomans for civic reform & restored liberty. We seeks to utilize the efforts of all cooperative facets of the Conservative movement... Content of the diverse columns are solely at the discretion of the dozens of websites who create the content.   David Van Risseghem  is the founder of this platform.
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