Bryan in Tulsa

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MLB All-Star break Update:

-Cardinals are only a half-game from first, while sucking!  2nd

-Cubs are 11 games out at the break, the bad, 1st round pick Cade Horton from OU, the good, Harry Carry rolling over in his grave, the ugly!  

-Royals have a great farm system!  Team suckage is very high!!  5th place out of 4!

-Astros - 25 games over .500, the only cheating they have done is remove the toilet paper from the visitor's handicap stall!  Very disturbing but only a misdemeanor in the city of Houston!!  True Shat!  Astros are assholes!  Literally!  1st 

-Rangers - 3rd, dropping 5 under at the All-star break makes our # 1 fan, Uncle Thurston, happy thus we all can be happy!    

BOBBLEHEAD SPORTS:

Fathers Day Gift with Stipulations:

For Fathers Day 2022 B in T received a dream gift from his family of superstars!!  Starting in the mid-1960s the only NFL team on TV in Tulsa was the Dallas Cowboys!!  So through thick and thin (about 25 years of thin), I have always been a Dallas Cowboy fan!  Guess what.......my Father's Day gift was an inflatable and well-lit Dallas Cowboy Helmet yard decoration!!   With the following Mrs. B in T stipulations:

• The Helmet may only be on from 12:01 AM on Cowboy game day to 11:59 on game night!
• The helmet may only be up 1 Dallas exhibition game!!
• You may not have a Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas blowup AT the same time as a Dallas Cowboy blowup!!  No multiple balloons in the yard per Mrs. B in T!!
• Must have insurance on the Dallas Cowboy blow-up in case of theft and/or fire!!  Lots of Cowboy haters out there!!
• No Dallas Cowboy yard flags!
• No Political yard signs while displaying Cowboy blowups!!
• Grandkids may not punch, bite, or defile Cowboy blowups!

Note:  she also stated firmly that this is not considered a Halloween decoration, this is currently still under negotiation!!

shopping.webp

B in T notes:

Bryan in Tulsa 2022 Heisman Projection:

1. C.J. Stroud, QB Ohio State - ended the season great in 2021!
2. Bryce Young, QB Alabama - Bryce is a close second to pulling an Archie Griffin, but C.J. is the new media love!
3. Caleb Williams QB, USC - a great talent that will be wasted in So Cal, could have won Heisman at OU!
4. Will Anderson Jr., LB Alabama, Many say he should be 1st defensive player to win the Heisman in 2 decades, he is a tackling machine!
5. Dillon Gabriel QB, Oklahoma, transfer from Central Florida, lefty reminds some of OU Heisman winner and Tennessee coach Josh Heupel, Gabriel  and new coach Lebby would share Heisman!!
6. Will Rogers QB, Mississippi State    Started since a true freshman in 2020, love the name, and never met a man he didn't like plus has a cannon for an arm!

1. Bijan Robinson RB, Texas Needs to hover around 2000 yards, to matter in the Heisman running!  Longhorns don't have the O-line to get Bijan 2 grand!!
2. Spencer Rattler QB, South Carolina - 2021 with OU he was the Heisman frontrunner, long shot with the Gamecocks!
3. Spencer Sanders QB, Oklahoma State - steady Eddy QB and has been successful enough to keep the quirky Cowboy fans happy!!
4. KJ Jefferson QB, Arkansas - KJ can Heisman stiff-arm a Rhino, AND call the Hogs with another arm!

Others receiving Votes: 

Justin Wright LB, Tulsa

 Jackson Pressly QB, Jenks Freshman

Top 5 Hidden Gems of Summer Festivals in the USA!

1. Testicle Festival — Olean, MO

The small town of Olean, Missouri is more than proud of its annual Testicle Festival which draws thousands to the area to participate. While deep fried Rocky Mountain Oysters and deep fried turkey testicles are the main attraction, the festival also includes live local music, competitions and family-friendly events and games. But don’t worry, there’s a variety of different food vendors for those who aren’t interested in tasting the main attraction!!

1. Rubber Ducky Festival — Bellaire, MI

This August 15-16 the town of Bellaire will host its 12 Days of Summer Celebration, culminating in the annual Rubber Ducky Festival!!Festival-goers purchase a number that corresponds with a rubber ducky and then thousands of ducks are dumped into the river that runs through town!!  Onlookers cheer as their rubber ducky races a quarter mile to the finish line and the first 27 ducks to finish the race are rewarded with a cash prize!!  A Rubber Ducky Parade precedes all the action alongside live music, sidewalk sales, inflatables for the kids, face painting and more!!

1.  National Baby Food Festival — Fremont, MI 

Top Festival for the B in T family, anything with baby food samples is perfect!!  Did you know Fremont, Michigan is the Baby Food Capital of the World? Well now you do. And Fremont’s National Baby Food Festival is much loved by all who attend the annual event!!  The home to Gerber Products Company, Fremont hosts this festival for the public to enjoy with a plethora of baby-oriented events and competitions like a baby crawl, a baby food cook-off, an adult baby food eating contest, and a baby photo contest!!

1. The World of Faeries Festival — South Elgin, IL

From faerie dance lessons and tea parties in the Wildflower Garden, to gypsy belly dancing, bubble shows and mystical merchants; anyone can be a fairy for a day at The World of Faeries Festival!!  This whimsical two-day event in South Elgin, Illinois has been a tradition for 11 years now and this year’s event is scheduled for August 1-2! The festival is meant for visitors of all ages and as one would assume, costumes are highly encouraged!!

1. Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw and Festival — Prairie du Sac, WI

What could possibly be weirder than a festival full of people throwing poop Frisbees? I really don’t know, but Wisconsinites love it!!  The Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw and Festival is held every Fall in Prairie du Sac and celebrates the long-standing tradition of tossed cow chips, which were originally used by early settlers for fuel!  The Cow Chip Throw is one of the community’s most anticipated events of the year alongside the Tournament of Chips Parade featuring Cowabunga, the 13-foot-tall Trojan cow on wheels. It’s pulled down the street with all the other floats and is the star of the show!!

B in T Tidbits:

• Oklahoma 165lb Shortstop Superstar is a young Keanu Reeves lookalike!!  Yes?  No?

• B in T Big 12 Title Odds:

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Oklahoma 150 to 100

Oklahoma State 250 to 100

Texas 350 to 100

West Virginia 800 to 100

Baylor 1000 to 100

Iowa State 1300 to 100

TCU  1400 to 100

Kansas State  2000 to 100

Texas Tech  2800 to 100

Kansas  1500000 to 100

• Cascia Hall SS Cooper Lai, has received an offer from Oklahoma State!  At 6’1” 200lbs Cooper can lai the wood on ya!!

• Tulsa University football QB Davis Brinn signed a lucrative contract with local Richard Alexander of Hasty-Bake, who is the God of the charcoal cookers!!  Davis has agreed to deliver each Hasty-Bake sold in the Tulsa area personally with an autographed TU football!!  Davis will receive a deluxe Hasty-Bake cooker, trailer, and lifetime supply of charcoal valued at $19,445! 

• Winston, a French Bulldog from Bixby, won the non-sporting group at the 146th Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York on Tuesday!!  This might be the coolest-looking dog ? ever!!  Very muscular with strong chest and buttocks muscles!!  I have a huge dog crush on Winston!!  As you can tell by his muscle tone he works out daily with the Bixby Spartan football team!!

Have a great sports week!!

B in T

Bryan in Tulsa

Hehe hehe!

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

BOBBLEHEAD SPORTS:

My 6-month-old youngest grand Precious Baby Girl Elliot:

-102nd Percentile Height

-101st Percentile Head Circumference

-99.8 Percentile in Weight

-100 Percentile in Jaw circumference (close to a bear cub)!

-She is wearing 12-month-old clothing and can palm a cantaloupe!!

-At 6 months old she can bench a Fisher-Price piano and pull a Barbie Corvette with her teeth!!

-At the Bishop Kelley girls wrestling camp she was the top female wrestler under 6 yrs old!!

Bishop Kelley Wrestling Camp

1st Place - Hammer Power Drive

-Elliott is great for lines at restaurants for 5$ hamburger specials!!  One blown-out dirty diaper will set our seat beeper off and Elliott and fam go straight to the front of the line!!

shopping.webp

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B in T notes:

The Thunder’s next superstar??

Chet Holtgrem 7’1” 195lb

The OKC Thunder's 2nd pick in the 2022 draft looks amazing!! 

All Oklahoma City newborn children will be named Chet for the next 10 years!!  The thin man can ball!!  

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-10 University of Football Tulsa Transfers from POWER 5 SCHOOLS!

Ok, Ok, Ok, Trinity Valley is not a power 5 conference school.....but their table tennis team is nationally ranked!!

Wide receiver, Kentucky

Isiah Epps (Jenks)

Defensive lineman, Colorado

Jayden Simon

Defensive lineman, Mississippi State.  Ani Izuchuwu

Defensive back, Wisconsin

Offensive lineman, Illinois

Brody Wisecarver

Offensive lineman, Tennessee

Chris Akropoeghepe

Offensive lineman, OU

Darrell Simpson

Tight end, Arizona State

Wide Receiver, Trinity Valley

Carl Chester

Defensive back/Star, Georgia

Running Back/ Virginia Tech

Taj Gary 

These schools are very good academic schools, as well!!

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-McCarthy Needs to Learn to Stop Cheating!

Dallas HC Mike McCarthy was fined $100,000, and the Cowboys have been docked from organized team activity for 2023 for holding practices that were deemed too physical by the NFL executives!  The same fine was issued to the Cowboys in 2021.  

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What will happen first?????????

1. Texas gets into the college football playoffs CFP or Texas A&M gets into the CFP, According to my Aunt Dickie the 9th try is a charm!!

1. Florida International University win another game (11-game losing streak) or Tulsa University builds an indoor practice facility?

1. The PAC 12 gets back into the CFP Final Four (5 years no show) or hell freezes over?? 

1. B in T writing is put into some small newspapers or pigs flying in a frozen he??!!

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-B in T’s Small High School Football Coverage is lacking:

The Oklahoma Small school football All-Star Game at the Miami, Oklahoma’s Multi-Purpose Athletic facility, was an awesome display of small school football talent in Oklahoma.!!  Dewars is an 8-man football powerhouse!!  And I know that my 11 readers are thinking that B in T will try to tell you the this was where Dewars RUM was created and sold!?!?!?  Nope, but Dewars does have a great breakfast diner that I will be visiting very soon!  Many of my critics say that I never talk about 8 man football!!  So, I have borrowed the brain of high school writing legend Barry Lewis!  B in T’s High School Diner of the week may go to this 8-man football powerhouse in 2022!!  The Dewar’s four all-stars are quarterback Jameson Ross, receivers/defensive backs Thomas Brownfield and Kaelem Carter, and end Marshall Been!!  They will be joined on the Green roster by three players from Class C champion Timberlake — running back JJ Pippin, and linemen Colten Lormand and Cade Severin. Also on the Green squad are Class B champion Laverne running backs Mason Massee and Houston Bockelman!

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-Oklahoma has won so many Heisman’s we use them as door stoppers! Arrogant…..but is the damn truth!! 

Barry Switzer’s front door FOYER, with Heisman at the bottom!      

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B in T Tidbits:

‘Clem’ Kaddidlhopper is a name you do not here often like the Thunder first found pick ‘Chet’ Holmgren!! We need more Chets and Clem names in this world!!

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OU’s Lebby is the Number 1 QB Coach in America:  He will be a hot commodity after OU leads the nation in total offense in 2022!!

Jeff Lebby via Ole Miss will be the Offensive Coordinator for OU for 1 year before rejoining the Rebels as head coach!!  Current Rebel coach Lane Kiffin will take an NFL job with the Texans while head coach Lovie Smith replaces NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell!!!  Goodwill becomes Trump's running mate for 2024!! 

I digress, Oklahoma State’s Tim Rattay made the top 50.  The former SF 49ers and record-setting La Tech QB, is the 44th best QB coach in America!!

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Top  5 Football Teams Tedd Lasso may coach next:

1. Owasso High School, Tulsa Oklahoma -  Lasso has been highly recommended to replace Owasso legendary coach Bill Blankenship!
2. Iowa Hawkeyes - Tedd will be great for the kids if the Iowa Stead Family Children's Hospital!  
3. Kansas State Wildcats - 1 of 2 teams from his home state of Kansas, that will come calling for his services!  Recruiting numbers will be amazing, and midwest moms love him!  
4. Michigan Wolverines - the ‘Golly geez whiz’ good ole boy slang from Lazzo will go well with the Khakis leftover from Harbaugh!
5. Dallas Cowboys - why not, everyone else has coached Dallas!

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Leaders in Coaching buyouts waste of money:

Auburn- $31.2 million - Mansion and yacht for former Coach Gus Malzahn!

Nebraska - $28.5 million - Nebraska fires coaches like my Aunt Dickie went through ex-husbands!!  Her name really was Dickie, rest in peace Aunt Dickie, ask Mrs. B in T, real name and not made up!!

Kansas - $20 million- Les Miles’ great-great grandkids have full rides to any college in Europe!

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Oklahoma Athletic Director Joe Castiglione has told TMZ that OU and Southern Cal may do a four game home and home series starting in F--- No and never and ending in F--- No and are you on crack!!  Here is a look at the OU ad campaign!

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Lollygagging - my new fav word!!  Most folks “spend time aimlessly” or “usually heavily medicated”, think the definition has something to do with gagging on lollypops!!  Wrong Candyland breath!!

MLB

Cardinals:  their record no longer manners to me!

I just sent a text to my brother, who is a HUGE Dodger fan:

“I will trade to LA right now, Arenado and Goldshit for any Dodger pitcher and 100 lbs of LA weed”!

You may be chuckling, but just wait!!

Dodgers - 82 - 10 see above

Rangers - 41 -48 Bring back Ron Washington!!  

Astros - 72-22-  No drum bangin this year, just good baseball!!  Go Stros, my new favorite team!!  Altuve’s new Hiltshire Farms little weenies commercial has sparked some controversy among the midget population of Houston!!  Stay tuned to B in T for further scoop!!

Have a great sports week!!

B in T