Faked Out Sports, Bryan in Tulsa

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NEXT WEEK REPORTING ON THE FIRST EVER PANDEMIC DRIVE THROUGH ’LIGHTS ON’ AT UTICA SQUARE!!

WEAR A MASK AND SAVE SOMEONE's ASS!!

FOS Notes:

• Myself and some TU friends went to the TU game last Saturday and had a tailgate party at the Coney Island hot dogs establishment on 11th and Delaware Street!!  As elder, crippled, and cantankerous old farts simply attending a college football game at 11th and Harvard can be crazy!!  One of my friends lost his phone on the way into the game, and another TU alum had one too many brownies and lost his way to the stadium after parking at 13th and College Avenue!!  So for 45 minutes while my college buds were trying to find their phone and their brain cells, I sat in my seat at Chapman Stadium and watched the Hurricane get down by a score of 14-0 to the SMU Merry Go Round Ponies!!  No this is not an episode of True Detective or another Silver Alert in Tulsa!!  Thank  goodness the old farts returned and TU came out victorious!!  I would like to make a special shoutout to the young girl who found Phil’s phone in the lady's restroom in the West stands of Chapman!!  Phil did not recall being in the girl's restroom but had trouble finding the hat that was on his head earlier!!  The good news is that none of us were arrested for loitering by the TU Campus Police!!  I am really glad I do not drink or smoke anymore or any less!!

• Governor Stit has not ordered the Pandemic Petri dish also known as rural Oklahoma to wear masks and save someone's ass!  Let’s leave the politics out and just listen to what the experts of science say, please!!

• Mr.Trump is contesting the election and basically contesting everything!He is even contesting his birth:  many folks think he was born inside a human-like creature in the first Alien movie!!  He is NOT contesting the Alien thing, Ummm?

FOS College Picks:

Tulsa 42 Tulane 31  

Thursday night Chapman ESPN magic for Tulsa University!!  Huge underground pandemic tailgate party held in the Lambda Chi Alpha basement with free drinks for TU Alums over 60 years of age or 60-inch waistline!!  The young men of Lambda had the tailgate party catered by Luby’s!!  Former TU player and Tulane Athletic Director Rick Dickson spoke in the Lamb Chopper basement with the smell of Luby’s baked cod and Bud Light throughout the party of young and old masked individuals!!  As temporary AD of Tulsa, Mr. Dickson promised a National Championship in football this decade!!  Numerous Tulsa Hurricane Happytimers almost choked on their turnip greens when Rick announced this!!  Note Lambda Chi alum Mike Dodson wept!!

Oklahoma 41 Oklahoma State 38

ESPN GAMEDAY AT NORMAN FOR FUN AND FROLIC PANDEMIC STYLE!!  Guest picker is said to be Dr. Faucci, Kyler Murray, Bob Stoops, Barry Switzer, or possibly Blake Shelton!!!  Guess who and win millions!!

This football masterpiece was one of the best Bedlam battles in Bedlam battle history!!  Oklahoma QB Spencer Rattler threw a 57-yard touchdown pass to 6’10” TE Austin Stogler with 28 seconds left in the final quarter!!  There was a small melee at half time between the two sideline and sports talk geeks of OU and OSU!!   Oklahoma State Sideline man Robert ’Haystack’ Allen ran into two OU players when leaving the field for halftime!!  Both the players were life-flighted to Mercy Hospital where they were in stable condition!!  One of the young Sooner players said he felt like Godzilla just knocked him to the pavement!!  A Sooner witness to the accident said the blow by the enormous Allen was like a Peter-Built Semi running over the Easter Bunny!!

Ohio State 45 Indiana 38

Ohio State averages beating the Hoosiers by 31 points a game over the last ten years!!  Well the ability of Indiana to stay within seven of the Buckeyes in the pandemic 2020 year is simply the growth of the Indiana program and has nothing to do with Coronavirus!   

***********UPSET SPECIAL***********

UCF 45 Cincinnati 44

Central Florida has slightly more offensive talent than Cincinnati and the New York Jets!!  The strong Cincinnati defense forgot to show up to the party in the Mickey Mouse world of Orlando!!  So sorry........Tulsa is in first in the AAC!  

Texas A&M 52 Ole Miss 28

New Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin whom many have said was born in a pink Izod shirt, was out talented by the Aggies!!  Coach Kiffin is known for his obvious flirtation with young coeds and at times has been known to visit the campus pubs where the young and gullible girls lirk!!  Watch out for preppy men in pink Izod shirts!

Iowa State 38 Kansas State 32

The Clones have underachieving QB, Brock Purdy, who since the OU victory could not throw a football into the ocean if he was standing in the ocean!!  Even worse, the Mildcats have played themselves into the second option for the Coleman Septic Bowl in Wewoka, Oklahoma!!

Arkansas 37 LSU 24

Coach Pittman is back in the Razorback coaching saddle after testing positive for Coronavirus last week!!  LSU coach Ed Orgeron, or The Incredible Hulk, has lost tons of team talent and has fallen from the National Championship pedestal to an SEC also-ran!!

Wisconsin 27 at Northwestern 24

Pandemic or no pandemic, these two Big 10 powers along with Iowa are known for their 4 tight end sets and no creativity offenses!!  This will be a high scoring game for the Badgers and Northwestern!!

FOS High School Playoff Picks:

Second Round:

6AI

*********UPSET SPECIAL***********

Union 45 Broken Arrow 42

The Union Football team of Oklahoma upset the Broken Arrow Tigers with speed and cunning!!  The speed by the Union defense and the cunning of the Union student managers who snuck two live ? llamas in the Broken Arrow High School office!!  Due to Broken Arrow’s loose Covid environment, the llamas were not required to wear masks!!

Jenks 49 Norman North 23

Norman North is the banner 6A team for the west side but is no match for the Trojans!!  KREV Norman has two local teams, Norman North and the Oklahoma Sooners!!  One will win Bedlam this weekend and one will lose to the Trojans!!

Owasso 52 Mustang 6

Owasso roped the Mustangs and I will never use that metaphor again!!  Was that a metaphor English majors!!???  The Ram defense looked imposing and finished strong with 3 oskies!!

6AII

BTW 44 Midwest City 35

The B in T newly named Booker T Washington Murder Hornets were too much for the Midwest City Bombers and stung their opponents badly Friday night!!

Bixby 55 Del City 12

Bixby players were very bored during the second half of this romp and decided to break out into study groups while the reserves play the second half!!

5A

Pryor 38 McAlester 31

Pryor Tigers made their number one fan writer Chris Taylor of Fansided very excited and giving after their victory over McAlester!!  Chris announced to the crowd Friday night that he would buy coffee at Starbucks for the first 100 folks Saturday morning that said Go Tigers!!  Great bit of kindness by Chris, now where is the Pryor Starbucks?

Bishop Kelley 41 Tahlequah 19

BK makes Tahlequah wish it did not win their first playoff game!!  Star running back Heinecke rushed over and through numerous Tahlequah players and a dog on the way to 3 touchdowns!!

Carl Albert 45 Ardmore 21

Uncle Howard, former Carl Albert Principal, told me one time that if the Titans ever played Bishop Kelley they would win by 100!!  Settle down now Howard!! 

4A

Cushing 20 Weatherford 19

My nephew Caleb was Covid 19 grounded for this game for sitting next to a carrier in Astronomy class!!  The COVED 19 carrier was said to be head cheerleader Sosha Tuskaderro who is very popular!!

Wagoner 42 Sallisaw 14

Wagoner should probably be in 5A!!  Other 4A schools try to bribe families to move into Wagoner county to increase their school population up to the 5A requirement!!  True story, Google it!

3A

Lincoln Christian 38 Central 16

Lincoln Christian has more talent than OU and like OU is known as the Quarterback factory of 3A high school football!!

Holland Hall 56 Checotah 14

The Dutchmen and future Tulsa University defensive end Owen Ostroski made Checotah look like a 6th-grade flag football team!!

2A 

Sperry 34 Victory Christian 20

The Pirates had enough swords and cannons to hold of the Crusaders!!

Cascia Hall 49 Keys Parkhill 13

The Comando’s bus driver had no idea where Keys Parkhill is located and they did not show up on mapquest!!  One of the Cascia need dads had a 1981 paper Rand McNally map and located the town and the post office for further information!!

A

Tonkawa 44 Dibble 21

As the expression states ’a little Dibble will do you’!!!  Tonkawa has 19 players on their team, so if Cov 19 hits watch out!!  The whole team is staying at Debbie from Tonkawa’s Quilt and Model Train house until after the playoffs!!  That place has no objects for the football team to get in trouble with!!

FOS Pro Picks:

Vikings 42 Cowboys 24

The Minnesota Vikings seem to be able to beat the Cowboys by 18 this week and lose to the Toronto Argonauts scout team the next week!!  Neither of these teams matter in Covid 2020!!

Browns 34 Eagles 31

The Browns seem to be creeping into the playoffs with Running Back Chubbs back in the fray!!  Eagles QB Wentz leading all leagues including the Tulsa Women league in interceptions!!  He made a pass at a Browns cheerleader AND it was intercepted by an NFL line judge!!

Chiefs 36 at Las Vegas 28

The Vegas Raiders have defeated the Chiefs on their home field but KC has done woked up and boat raced the rest of the AFC!!

Steelers 28 at Jaguars 21

The Jaguars of Jacksonville started close to the Steelers of Pittsburg but at the end the Steelers Rocky Blier and Franco Harris fan over the Jaguars who have no been founded yet!!

Broncos 31 Dolphins 28

Upset special has the Denver team beating the Miami team with a 62-yard field goal in the snow!!  The creative Bronco team built a large tee out of snow and boomed the 62 yard FG with 15 yards to spare!!

Have a great sports week!!

B in T / Faked Out Sports

FALL IS SO FUN!!!

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

soonerpolitics.org

FOS Notes:

• 
  Tulsa football seems to get more votes for the Associated Press Poll when their game is canceled due to the opponent Coronavirus breakout!!  Do you think that the AP writers consider this??  Naaaaah!. 
• New B in T Prep High School Top 10!  1.  Bixby   2.  Owasso   3.  Jenks  4.  Broken Arrow   5.  Dallas Cowboys  6.  Lincoln Christian  7.  New York Jets  8.  Bishop Kelley  8.  Del City  9.  Kansas  10.  Tie -The rest of the NFC Eastern Division and Carl Albert!
• 
  If your 62 and love the new Korean band BTS and it's hit song Dynomite could that be considered a midlife crisis?  It could be against the foreign policy, or just old farts that love embarrassing the grandkids in public?!?!?
• As a former banker, I have noticed that five bowls are sponsored by mortgage lenders!  1.  Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl. 2.25% Must have voted to get this rate!  2.  Guaranteed Rate Cactus Bowl 
  
   2.675% No Fee- Must have a 851 credit score! 3.  Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl 2.5% No paper work needed, just first born child!  4.  FBC Mortgage Cure Bowl 2.99% Offering toaster oven at closing!  5.  Lending Tree Bowl  2.25% Must pay $7500 Loan Processing Fee!

FOS College Football Picks:

I have heard that property in downtown Manhattan can run 900 bucks a square foot!!  I do not see it!!  Downtown Manhattan, Kansas looks like Mayberry RFD on steroids!!  Is there another Manhattan?  Oklahoma State quarterback Spencer Sanders mobility kept the purple swarm defense at bay all-day!!  I just coined the phrase ’at bay all-day’!!  

Tulsa 31 at Navy 24

A tough road trip to visit the Midshipmen and their Cadet trained referees!!  I'm not saying, but I am just sayin...........the refs in Annapolis are paid by good old Uncle Sam!!  The cute Tulsa Hurricane mascot dog, Goldie hiked and winky tinked on the Naval mascot Bill the Goat causing a brief scuttle between the handlers!!  Navy’s Bill the Goat was kidnapped in 2018 by some Army cadets and Navy NCIS dudes were tipped that a group of Tulsa U. Happy Timer Club (70 plus) ladies were planning to kidnap the Navy goat!!  This was erroneous and the ladies were all given Bill the Goat stuffed animals!!  True story!  I promise! 

Iowa State 42 Baylor 31

Baylor QB Charlie Brewer threw for 4 touchdowns but one was for the Clones!  ISU QB Purdy was hot throwing 30 for 37, 402 yards, and 3 touchdowns!!  

Oklahoma 55 Kansas 14

Kansas true freshman QB Robby Boucher was overcome by fright being sacked 9 times by the Sooner defense!!  Boucher was carted off the field in the third quarter after an OU defensive stop by Isaiah Thomas flattening Bouche like a bearskin rug!!  A large number of Jayhawk fans (all of them) did not make the trip to Norman due to the Coronavirus pandemic!!  Kansas Coach Les Miles failed to make the trip due to fear of Coronavirus and Kansas big-dollar donors selling his house!!  Sooner QB Spencer Rattler and his new freshman receiver bestie Marvin Mims combined for three touchdowns and pictures with the Jayhawkers Dance and Twirl team!!

TCU 41 Texas Tech 40

A tight Big 12 defensive war with both teams struggling to over 1,350 total offense yards!!  

Texas 37 West Virginia 21

A quaint Longhorn homecoming crowd of 2, 656 fans waiting for their next head coach to come to Austin and poof put a no suck spell on them!!

Clemson 42 at Notre Dame 31

Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence last had his haircut at a barbershop when he was 8 years old!!  Trev gets his hair styled by a professional salon called the French Coiffure on Campus Corner in Clemson!  He always asks for the Hanson, Mmmbop haircut!!

Arkansas 27 Tennessee 21

The Razorback faithful will not know what to do in the football offseason with none of this ’who will be out next coach’ coffee shop gossip!!  Arkansas will have a spike in newborn babies with young Razorback couples having more time to think about lovemaking and then procreate!!   No more contemplating when Nick Saban or Lincoln Riley will become their next hog coach!!

Texas A&M 38 at South Carolina 30

The Gamecocks are a tough team to play on their home field!  What is a Gamecock you may ask?  A Gamecock is a rooster cock that is trained for fighting in small towns in rural America!!  Oklahoma towns such as Blackwell train and fight their king cocks year round!!  Our Blackwell relatives state that we can over-train our king cocks too much over a lifetime!!  The Aggies QB Mond threw and ran for 4 touchdowns to defeat South Carolina!

FOS High School Football Picks

Jenks 48 at Westmore 21

Jenks offensive tackle Logan Nobles and running back/safety Grant Lohr are being recruited heavily and recently Nobles signed with Oklahoma State!!  Nobles scored 8 pancakes Friday morning at breakfast and another 8 pancakes on the Westmore field Friday night!!  The Jenks linemen call these Wiley Coyote blocks!!  See below:

Union 56 at Edmond North 12

Union is searching for that home-field advantage by getting second place in their conference!!  Their new state of the art stadium with 3 levels is still under construction.  Inola high school and Jenks middle school have reluctantly offered their fields for Union to use for the playoffs!!

Owasso 58 Putman City 7

The entire Owasso defense was given the game ball for their play after allowing only 1 touchdown!!  On the other hand, the freshmen who were playing on D in the fourth quarter and allowed the touchdown had to do 25 gassers!!  Thanks, DC coach Graham!  Note to file to the 4 or 5 nice ladies who read this:  A gasser is not noise and smells made at night by Mr. B in T per accusations by Mrs. B in T!!  Simply 100-yard sprint which equals puke gassers for lineman!!

Broken Arrow 47 at Enid 16

BA Coach Alexander who may or may not read this, probably not, needs to be hired by Tulsa University to coach linemen and recruit the state Oklahoma!!  I do not think the current offensive line coach at TU is bad but it is David Alexander's time!!  Come on TU!!  Don't mess this up like the Ostroski deal!!

*****This Commercial was paid for by TU Alums for David Alexander - TU coach 2021!!*****

Bixby 48 Booker T Washington 28

Approximately 114 college scouts were at Spartan Stadium wearing Covert masks donated by the Bixby Booster Club Moms!  These masks had SCOUT and Go Spartans in blue, red, and white on each!! Each scout was given marmalade pie, homemade buttered rolls, homemade peach cobbler and a star quilt in gratitude from the Bixby Booster Moms!  Gots to do what you gots to do to get that football scholarship!!

Pryor 42 at Claremore 24

Prior Tigers beat the Zebras badly!!  Have you ever watched an old Wild Kingdom TV show that has a wild tiger ? pounce on a zebra  at 70 miles per hour??  Nothing else to say!

Bishop Kelly 35 at Shawnee 24

Tough road victory for the Comets!!  Shawnee is big but Kelley is too!!

Lincoln Christian 42 at Checotah 20

Lincoln Christian Bulldogs traveled to the Checotah home field and whooped them some Wildcats till they were Mildcats!!  The Lincoln Christion booster/parents chartered a double-decker bus from Kraft Tours!!  The group tailgated inside the bus with social awareness Coronavirus masks!!  In the upper part of the bus was the Bulldog Booster Club sponsored open bar which  opened from 4:30 till 6:30!!  The bus was parked in the Checotah South Parking lot by the hog farm!!

Cushing 30 at Blanchard 24

The Tigers have arrived in Blanchard to battle the Lions!!  It happened to be Blanchard’s homecoming and the Tigers are going to pounce on their game!!  Joke:  Tigers to pounce on their game........get it!!  I am not the type to brag about a family member buuuuut my nephew received another personal foul 15-yard penalty for a skirmish on the Lion sidelines!!  While he was on the Blanchard sideline he did get a cheerleaders digits!!  What a stud!! Please do not mention to his girlfriend!!

Wagoner 32 at Skiatook 28

Wagoner holds off a determined Skiatook team by breaking up a Skiatook pass in the endzone as time ran out!!

Cascia Hall 37 at Keys 20

Cascia Hall is looking forward to their trip to visit Keys Cougars!!  Numerous Keys players have befriended Cascia players on Facebook!!  The player's plan on getting together after the game at Shotgun Sams's pizza on the main street in Keys!!  The parents sat at a separate table and paid the tab!

FOS Mom O Meter   Keys Moms .988 CH Moms.969     The Keys moms were trailing the Cascia moms going into the final competition where the Cougar moms dominated the Pandemic seed spitting contest!!  The entire Commando mom seed spitting team was disqualified for not cleaning each seed thoroughly before respitting their favorite seed for distance!!  This was a Coronavirus technicality that cost Cascia Hall the Mom O Meter trophy again!!

FOS Diner of the Week:  Big Red Restaurant   26186 OK 82  Park Hill, Oklahoma.  Big Red is well known for its giant biscuits and gravy!!  These biscuits are made in cornbread pans!!  Key’s strength coach keeps track of every player’s pounds lifted and Big Red biscuits consumed daily!!  Receipts must be turned in daily!

Oklahoma Christian School 47 at Blackwell 7    

Tough day for the Maroons Senior game!!  Several Blackwell alums headed to Ponca City for beer and ribs at the Blue Moon restaurant.  

Tonkawa 30 at Oklahoma Bible 26

The 5th ranked, A- division, Buccaneers of Tonkawa outlasted Oklahoma Bible!!  Both will be competitors the A Ball Trophy!!

McClain 37 at Muldrow 13

The Muldrow Bulldogs were awed by the speed of the Titans!  The two teams have combined for 2 wins and are chomping at the bits to get a W!!  Which leads me to the question of what in the heck does ’chomping at the bit’ refer to??  A bit is a part of the horse that is chewed on when the horse is anxious, ready to eat, or race!!  McClain steamrolls Muldrow then heads to the local Sonic and closes them out of food!  Go Titans!!

FOS NFL Picks:

Chiefs 36 Panthers 21

With the addition of running back LeVeon Bell, Kansas City have hoarded as many as 10 running backs this year!!  Look for the Chiefy wiefys to sign Priest Holmes in a few days!

Steelers 78 at Cowboys 2

This score sums the Cowboy season up!!

Broncos 28 at Falcons 27

Denver Quarterback Locke seems to be the guy to lead his team back to mediocrity!!  President Elway, needs sell an auto dealership and buy some good players!!

Titans 33 Bears 24

Former Crimson Tide and current Titans running back Derrick Henry ran over at least 20 Bear defenders, 2 chain operators, a Nashville TV 9 cameraman, a $450,000 TV 9 camera, and a Bear male cheerleader!  He runs hard!!

Texans 24 at Jaguars 16

Both teams are battling with the Jets for draft rights to Clemson QB Trevor ’Hanson’ Lawrence!!  In my opinion, Trevor looks exactly like a young Taylor Hanson of the boy band ’Hanson’ from Tulsa!!  I have them on my playlist for Center workouts!!  Shhhhhhhhh!

Have a great sports week!!