Bryan in Tulsa

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Bobblehead Sports:

To my beloved senior Bobbleheads:

Bryan in Tulsa has 3 super senior Bobbleheads that I am the mostest proud to say read my stupid and sometimes funny blog!!  Our aunt and uncle are in a nursing home in Plano, Texas, and never miss criticizing my blog!!  Thurston is 95 and has a wit wittier than most!!  He reads to our beloved aunt Pat and she laughs but has a difficult time understanding my warped humor!!  This is understandable!I have a new reader who was an all-American at Boston College in 1950!!  Bill is my 96 years old reader whose son and daughter-in-law are good friends!  They read B in T to him weekly!!  If these three were my only readers I would send out my goofy-ass blog every morning feeling blessed that these senior Bobbleheads have a smile on their face!!??

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                     Happy Halloween!!

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B in T Notes:

B in T Future Sports Figures Presidential Odds:

Lebron James - G.O.A.T. of the NBA - he can step on North Korea /  5 to 1 odds

Mark Cuban - Dallas Mavericks owner - He will be a shark President! / 7 to 1

Bob Stoops  - former OU football coach - and from Iowa, blue-collar midwest vote is all his /  25 to 1

Barry Switzer - former OU and Dallas Cowboy coach - will hang a half a hundred on Russia!  Just the right age!!  75 to 1

Roger Goodell - NFL Commissioner - hell no - a billion to 1

Tom Brady - NFL Quarterback -  G.O.A.T. -  wife Giselle as First Lady gets my vote and all the female Tommy Brady lovers will vote for him no matter the party!!

• 3 to 1

B in T Halloween Best and Worst Candies!

MOST POPULAR HALLOWEEN CANDY: 

1. Twix  2. Any Marijuana Edibles (must have proof of age)  3. Tootsie Pops  4. Peanut M&Ms  5. Almond Joy  6. Starburst  7. Kit Kat  8. Butterfingers  9. Sour Patch Kids  10. Plain M&Ms

LEAST POPULAR HALLOWEEN TREATS IN 2021: 

1-3  Dental Hygiene items: Toothbrush, Toothpaste and Dental Floss!  My wife is a hygienist and we went 3 years without a trick or treater!

1. Loose Change especially Pennies!
2. Ex / Lax
3. Donald Trump for President stickers and Make America Great Again Stickers are not for trick-or-treat bags!!!
4. Mumbles Biden for President stickers!
5. Sugar-free gum!
6. Anything gluten-free!
7. Religious pamphlets!  Kids would rather have hard candy from grandma Jones’ freezer in 1973!

Where is Booker T stud Gentry Williams going to school?

OU - 2 to 1  He and Micah Tease already have signed NIL deals with Landers Chevrolet!!

Florida - 10 to 1  Good NIL potential and great weather!!

Southern Cal - 70 to 1.  And WHO is their coach?  NO ONE!

Mizzou - 1 million to 1 - WHY?

**After publishing Gentry picked his college home to be OU and stay close to his family home!!  Still waiting on Micah Tease's decision.  But as usual I was correct!!

Pumpkin Man spotted Halloween Eve!

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From 6 till 8:30 pm Pumpkin Man appears at Hallozooween and hands out non-hooch real candy to thousands of toddlers at the Tulsa Zoo!!  At 8:30 the Munster Mobile (from the TV show the Munsters) picks Pumpkin Man up and rushes hi to the Hex House!!  The Tulsa Hex House is one of the top 15 scariest houses in America according to Fox News!!  Pumpkin Man handed out thousands of edibles to the scared shatless crowd at the Town West Shopping Center which is home to the Hex House!!  

College Scores with Halloween ? Theme! ?????????.

Tulsa 31 Navy 21   Friday Night Lights on ESPN !

Note:  The TU Tailgators are having a BEAN Theme tailgate party from 2:30 till kickoff or fart-off at 6:30!!  Next Friday the 29th!!

Tulsa is looking for a possible bowl bid but faces a Tulane, Cincinnati, and SMU gauntlet on the road!!  Tulsa’s defensive front led by Jaxson Player will be tested but Tulsa had two weeks to prepare for the Navy's bone!!  The TU defense worked out behind closed practices per coach Monte!!  Defensive coordinator Gillespie had the boys practice against 8 offensive linemen, 3 fullbacks, and 5 halfbacks on the scout team simulating the Navy's bone!!  Probably should rephrase that sentence.  Jaxson Player had 12 TFLs (tackles for loss) and 6 scout team dudes quit the team from fear!!  Too much Player!  Coach Monte rewarded the team for their intense prep work for Navy by feeding 150, 16oz T-bone steaks, and watching the new Halloween Kills movie!!  Tulsa kills the Navy on the football field the next day!!  The movie is typical Halloween but not too bad!!

Oklahoma 59 Texas Tech 22 

OU Heisman candidate QB Caleb Williams took all the snaps against the Red Raiders and completed 21 of 28 passes for 402 yards and 5 TDs!!  OU's second Heisman candidate RB Kennedy Brooks rushed for 164 yards on 13 carries!!  Former OU Heisman candidate QB Spencer Rattler did not take a snap but did run 13 Charlies Chicken commercials on the Learfield  Sooner Network!!  After the game ended Rattler wore a human billboard for Charlies ? Chicken!!  He refused to wear the full chicken costume, even on ?Halloween!!  Transfer portal here comes Rattler!!  

Ohio State 31 Penn State 21

Don't forget about the Buckeyes!!  They are looming in the background like Michael Myers for Jami Lee Curtis!!

Michigan 28 at Michigan State 24

Michigan coach Khaki has scared away all his critics!!  He has put on his scary Jason Friday the 13th face ?and started coaching like his brother with the Ravens by Edgar Allen Poe!!

Kentucky 41 at Mississippi State 35

Mississippi coach Mike Leach is a paranormal believer!!  He once set up a seance to bring back Mouse Davis, the run and shoot offense guru, but discovered he was still alive when he showed up to his own personal seance!!  True story!  I swear!!

Oklahoma State 49 Kansas 13

OSU backup QB Shane Illingsworth (Ichabod Crane) played the entire second half and completed 10 of 13 passes for 170 yards and 2 TDs!!  A spooky thing happened at a Posse Club Halloween party after the game!!  Coach Gundy showed up with a fake bald head with his Uncle Fester of the Adams Family costume!!  The big donors were very scared!!

Ole Miss 38 at Auburn 26

Ole Miss brought back their defense from the grave and buried the Auburn Tigers alive!!!

Boston College 35 at Syracuse 31

The Orangemen have discovered that they can occasionally be good with the oval-shaped ball ? and not just the round ? one!!  On the other hand, the BC Eagles are on a roll and slowed down Syracuse on their home court, oops I meant to say home field!!  The term Orangemen is not attached to Pumpkin ? Man and is simply a nickname for the sports teams at Syracuse!!  Then we must ask why not OrangeWOMEN!!!????

Huh!!  Boom!!  Must have WOMEN!!!  I digress.......

Texas 35 at Baylor 27

One more loss and Coach Sarkesian will be looking over his shoulder for the Grim Reaper aka Texas Board of Regents!!

Iowa State 31 at West Virginia 13

Anytime you visit Morgantown you should watch the horror flick The Hills Have Eyes!!  Clones pluck the Mountaineers!!

************Upset Special***********

Florida 31 Georgia 28

The Gators surprise the Bulldogs like Freddie Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street scared his new manicurist!!

Iowa 24 at Wisconsin 16

Two weeks ago Iowa forgot how to play football at Purdue!!  The Hawkeyes D can be scary good!!  But the offense needs to be scared shat-less to perform at its maximum potential!!  Wisconsin scared them fo sho!!

High School Scores with Halloween Theme!!??????

Cushing 36 Ada 31

The Cushing players applied their orange pumpkin face painting skills for the game!!  The rain caused the player faces to look like Smashing Pumpkins!!  Joke haha very not funny... Cushing’s QB Berkowitz does not sound like a top QB in Oklahoma football, but more like the name of a New York undercover cop on the edge!!

Union 52 Muskogee 13

The Union Football Team massacred the the Roughers on Halloween Eve Eve!!  The Muskogee team was scared by creepy things in the visitor's locker room when Rougher players and coaches were shocked to learn that shower and sink faucets can be turned on by simply waving your ? or ? in front of the faucet!!  Numerous visiting players think the faucets at Union are HAUNTED!

Owasso 45 Moore 24

The Moore Lions spooked the Holy shat out of the Rams!!  After falling behind 24 to 17 the defensive coordinator for Owasso had a come to Jesus meeting with his defense at halftime!!  So after he read a scripture from Proverbs he immediately told his defense that if they give up 1 single point he will kick their butts to HEf??!!!  Final score 45 to 24 Rams!!!  

Alva 36 Blackwell 20

Two nights before Halloween the Gold Hornets infested the armpits of the Maroons from Blackwell!!  The winner of this game will be playoff-bound!!  

Coweta 38 Bishop Kelley 27

The Comets from Kelley played the Tigers from Coweta very close!!  The game was delayed for 1 hour when numerous bats ? escaped from the local Coweta haunted Hex House!!  The bats were netted and removed from Tiger Field by  Coweta Animal Protection Services!!  Numerous cheerleaders from both sides screamed and cried!!  This happened, trust me!

Roland 35 Cascia Hall 28

The Roland Rangers defeated the Cascia Hall Commandos on this Erie Friday Night in Roland!!  The crowd in Roland was packed after rumors that cast member from Jeepers Creeper 4 were in the crowd signing autographs in blood!!

Bixby 66 at Ponca City 12

The Bixby Spartans sucked the blood out of the Ponca City Lions Friday night!!  Superstar and soon-to-be OSU Cowboys Brayden Pressley must have been a ghost to the Lion defense cause no one could see him speed past defenders all night!!

Holland Hall 48 at Verdigris 28

Verdigris tried to turn their home field into a big spooky ? house!!  But the Dutch from Holland Hall went through the Verdigris Cardinals spook house (football field) without fear!!

Broken Arrow 38 at Norman 21

BA puts a nail into the Norman playoff coffin!!  Downtown the BA Chamber of Commerce had a zombie walk in which the costumed walkers were confused with normal patrons!!

Jenks 55 Edmond Memorial 14

The Jenks Trojans mummified Edmond Memorial Bulldogs!!

NFL Scores:

Cardinals 48 Packers 31

2021 NFL MVP Kylar Murray threw for 356 yards and 4 touchdowns!!  He ran for 68 yards and 1 touchdown!!  After the game he, former TU stud Zaven Collins and JJ Watt had a huge haunted house party in a barn in Hominy, Oklahoma!!  The invitees were the whole team, friends and family members which were flown to Tulsa and Limousined to Hominy in Dawn of the Dead costumes!!  This happened!!  I was there!!  I swear!!  

Browns 24 Steelers 21

The Browns spooked the shat out of Steeler QB Frankenburger!!

Cowboys 35 at Vikings 27

The Cowboys Bela Lagosied the Vikings on Halloween night!!

Bears 26 49ers 21

The Bears from Chitown sucked the blood out of the blood-sucking 49ers!!

Chiefs 38 Giants 10

The Wittle Chieffy Wieffies demolished the worst team in the NFL on Halloween ? and Zombied their bodies!!  Not sure what that means but is scary sounding!!

Have a great sports week!!

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SoonerPolitics.org

B, in T

Sponsors: Andre Tourihno, Golf and Fitness Expert, Southern Hills Colin Magruder, Mtg Broker, Evolve Bank Speedling Inc., Leon Zinc III Uncle Thurston, Dallas, Tx Steve’s Happy Dog Home, Sherri Watson & Christina Morrill, United Country Landrum Realty, Inc. Chris Taylor, sports writer FanSided

Bob’s Bail Bonds and Car Wash (Chicago, IL) Big Brother Bill’s Psychic Palm Reading and Bed & Breakfast (Tulsa, OK) MR Bait, Fishing Tackle and Homemade Fudge Shop (Boulder, CO) Weh’s Wiener Wagon and Dry Cleaners, Lawrence, Kansas T-Brew’s Cockroach Farm and Pizza Palace, Tulsa, OK Dr. Richard Stephens DDS Roy Thomason Retired Sigma Chi TU

by B in T - FakedOutSports, syndicated in SoonerPolitics.org

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobblehead Sports:

Conversation overheard by B in T at grandson Gus’ youth soccer game in south Tulsa:  

Soccer mom A to Soccer mom B:

SMA ‘What do you think about our soccer coach?’

SMB ‘Well he is very cute, he reminds me of Brad Pitt!”

SMA ‘I was asking about his ability to coach our kids, but more important you are correct AND he is HOT!!

SMB ‘Totally’

SMA ‘I found a great deal on orange slices and gluten free fiber bars at Aldi’s!”

SMB ‘ My husband said if he sees 1 more gluten-free item in our kitchen he will take all of my Lululemon undies and burn them’!

I recorded this conversation on my phone!! True shat!

B in T notes:

Geordie Madson Honored:

A great fraternity brother, fellow banker, and friend passed away playing golf a couple of years ago!  He is being remembered at the TU Homecoming Bonfire that he was so involved, along with many other TU events over the years!!  If you think of Will Farrell streaking in his underwear you are also thinking of Geordie at Harwell field behind the fraternity house on a Friday or Saturday night!!  Geordie you were a huge fan of my stupid blogs and I hope you keep reading and playing birdie golf in heaven!!  I miss ya deeply my brother but we can keep our memories forever!!  See ya at the Bon Fire!  B in T

Eating my words on the St. Louis Redbirds:

The second week of September I was burning my Cardinal shirt, let my dog chew up my St. Louis Cardinal hat, and throwing darts at a picture of Mike Shannon and yours truly at the 1982 World Series!!  After that day a miracle happened and the Cards won so many in a row that I have lost count!!  Between 15 and 20 I believe!!  Goldschmidt, Arenado, and muscle man Tyler O’Neil have led with almost 100 home runs, and helped clinch a wild card spot!!  The pitching staff was patched together without starters Hudson, Mickelas, and Flaherty for most of the season!!  Replacement starter dudes like Woodward, Lester, and Happ secured the playoffs for the Redbirds!!  Go Birds!!  THE DODGERS SUCK AND OLD LA FANS REMEMBER THE OZZIE SMITH HOMERUN!!??  HUH?

Time to Party!

My adorably cute wife and her hottie friend went to see Blake Shelton and his cute derriere last week!!  They left the concert early when her hottie friend pinched a no-fun security guard, thinking she had pinched Blake’s buttocks!!  A small scuffle ensued but a gracious Blake allowed Jami’s friend to touch his buttocks!!  After this, the girls left the concert during the middle of his hit ‘I’ll be your Huckleberry’!!  The pinch was all they came for!!  Disgusting!!  Well, I am sure all 11 readers are wondering what does this has to do with sports shat!!!????  Well while the girls were weirding out on Blake Shelton’s butt, hubby B in T was in the recliner, in the man cave in front of a 84 inch TV watching ESPN Friday night college football!!  Also, the radio headphones were on the Bixby Spartans, and my 1982 Radio Shack transistor was on the Union / Owasso game!!  And I DID have my phone on the Redbird's 14th victory in a row!!  All left to do is Papa babysitting 6 rugrats at the same time!!

Ed Orgeron vs Mike Leach

I would love to be a fly ? on the field turf and listen to what those stoic coaches from Mississippi State and LSU were talking about during pregame warmups last week!!

Mike:  ‘Do you believe in Aliens Ed’

Ed:  ‘huh?’

Ed:  ‘an LSU fan once said I remind them of Bigfoot’

Mike: ‘I have talked with Bigfoot and I do see a resemblance’  hehe!

Ed:  ‘Mike, I can bench press two Volkswagens!’

Mike:  ‘I can bench press two bottles of Scotch’

Mike:  ‘Did you touch Sandra Bullock’s buttocks in the movie ‘Blindside’? 

Ed:  ‘purposely.?........ Of course!’

Always Correct College Picks:

Tulsa 38 Memphis 35

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**PUMPKIN MAN AT TU HOMECOMING!

With an 8 pm Homecoming TU game many Lambda Chi alums were passed out in the informal lounge by game time!!Nothing has changed in 40+ years!!  

At another pre game party:  The TU Tailgator’s pregame 4-hour bash became uncontrollable when some single cougars from the TU Happytimers group brought jello shots and buttery nipples drinks ?!!  The party got crazier when a gorgeous young blonde lady allowed some lucky TU patrons to drink tequila from her belly button!!  The TU team falls behind 28 to 3 at halftime and many left the stadium at halftime and headed to the Buccaneer Bar!!  A miracle happened and TU rallied after former stud TU stud QB Lee Slaton’s halftime speech!!  True story!  Names were omitted to protect us old TU farts!!  Google it!

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PUMPKIN MAN was located in the TU student section throwing mini footballs filled with Halloween edibles!!!  At halftime the students mysteriously all had a case of the munchies!!  The QT across from Chapman Stadium was sold out of Doritos and Frito Lay bean dip!!

Alabama 34 at Texas A&M 21

Alabama security has requested 12 Highway patrol cars, 2 Houston SWAT Units, 2 Army helicopters, and 6 Texas Governor Security guards to escort Grumpy Saban!!  The Alabama team busses had two College Station Book Store Cops on scooters!!  True Shat!!

Georgia 34 at Auburn 16

The Bulldogs will obliterate the Auburn Tigers and then celebrate by getting the heck out of Dodge(city in Kansas where a lot of bad guys lived) immediately after the game-ending gun was shot!!  

Oklahoma 36 Texas 28 At the Cotton Bowl in Dallas

ESPN Gameday Crew is at the Red River rivalry!!  The 84-year-old Lee Corso left the Gameday set early when the staff saw him doing odd things to the Longhorn mascot BEVO!!  The guest picker for Gameday is rumored to be Brian Bosworth but ESPN has refused to allow the Boz to show Stone Cold movie scenes!!  Chants of Tuck Fexas could be heard all over the Sooner half of the Cotton Bowl!  

The Texas State Fair was closed when a group of drunk Longhorn fans and Sooner fans were involved in a fight over which Fletcher Corn Dogs were better, Texas or Oklahoma!!  The uproar De-iced when both sides agreed that the chocolate-covered grasshoppers were Texas State Fair best food!!  Texas coach Sarkesian refused to shake Sooner coach Riley’s hand after the game when he stated that coach Riley gave him the horns down sign!!  Riley insisted that he would never do that and simply gave him the middle ?finger up sign!!

Iowa 27 Penn State 21

The Hawkeyes are playing good football and Penn State looked like 2nd grade Bixby Red (no offense to the hot Bixby moms) against Notre Dame!!

Arkansas 24 at Ole Miss 20

The Razorbacks are playing excellent football and their QB KJ Jefferson in body reminds football lore of Cam Johnson!  At 6’6” and 255 pounds the fast and powerful running QB can also toss the pigskin 70 yards!!  Ole Miss coach Kiffin looked tanned and relaxed as the Hogs defeated the Rebels in their home stadium in Oxford!!  

Ohio State 41 Maryland 21

Ohio State is slowly creeping back toward the elite top 4!!  Losing early was all part of Coach Day’s plan to bring a National Championship to Buckeye land!!

Always Correct High School Picks:

Pryor 63 Hale 6

B in T’s high school alma mater Rangers were losing to Pryor 63-0 at halftime!! The coaches and referees decided to run the clock in the second half!!  Pray for better days for my Hale Rangers!!  We need some Carner, Taton, Rollins, Stormin Normans, and  RIP Stan Minors!!

Jenks 48 Norman 23

Jenks freshman QB has officially arrived when he reportedly has the digits of 3 senior Jenks cheerleaders!!

Hennessey 38 at Blackwell 20

Many of the Blackwell Maroon fans drank some Hennessy Cognac and contemplated another bad season!!  

Bixby 45 at Choctaw 24

Choctaw felt an upset coming this week against the Spartans who just announced their intent on joining the Big 12!!  The Hasz studs and all-everything running back Brandon Pressley signed a NIL deal with Steve’s Sod and Whataburger for an undisclosed amount!!  The amount was sizeable as certain Bixby moms were seen driving 2022 Lexus SUVs at Bixby’s Carmichael Farms Pumpkin ? Patch!!  True shat!!  I swear!

Wagoner 46 Catoosa 13

Some Wagoner Bulldog students repainted the paw prints on the highway leading to the W.L. Odom football stadium!!  The Catoosa fans followed the paw prints to the Wagoner town dump and were very upset that there was no stadium!!  The Catoosa fans were given free hot dogs and nachos upon arrival!!

BTW 51 at Sand Springs 21

The Hornets marching 100 band received a standing ovation at halftime of the Sand Springs game!!

Cushing 42 Tecumseh 13

Homecoming game for the Tigers!!  The formal dance was held Saturday at the Morrill Family Barn located outside of Cushing!!  Turn left at the Simpson farm then hang a left 3 miles at the red barn, then go 1 mile east at the haunted hayride, then go southeast by the old Nickerson Farms 2 miles and finally drive .6 miles and turn left by the chain saws and you should be there!!

Cushing stud linebacker and B in T nephew is being recruited by several Division II schools!!  His mom Christina is holding out for a 25,000 dollar NIL deal from the highest bidder in Division II!!  Smart mom!!

Tonkawa 38 Watonga 6

The Tonkawa Mayor and Mrs. B in T’s cousin-in-law Charlie was in the lead 2022 convertible Corvette in the Homecoming Parade!!  

Owasso 48 at Edmond North 27

Owasso just purchased another 2022 double decker Winnebego Tour Bus with a wet bar for the Alums and coaches on the second floor!!

Holland Hall 48 at Vinita 7

Holland Hall may go undefeated this year and next year!!  Their talent is heavily recruited by many private schools!!  So HH must be talented!! 

Mom O Meter-  Vinita .989 Holland Hall .980. 

Again, believe it or not, the contest with these super mom football groups came down to the last event? of frog gigging!!  A gigging pole no longer than 5 foot 6 inches long must be used when gagging a frog!!  The Holland Hall moms were disqualified when they were caught using a taser gun on the frogs!!  This is a huge gigging no no!!  This happened!!  Google it!!

B in T Diner of the Week:

Clanton’s Cafe - 319 E Illinois St, Vinita

Two months ago actor Matt Damon filming the movie ‘Stillwater’ stopped by with some local oil well pushers and started that the mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak were the best he has ever put in his mouth!!

Always Correct Pro Picks:

Browns 31 at Chargers 24

Browns RB Kareem Hunt rumbled for 110 yards and 2 touchdowns and Baker Mayfield had a record 35 commercials run during the 3 hour and 5 minute Fox broadcast!!

Cowboys 34 Giants 21

The Dallas Cowboys are finally winning after 21 years of nothingness!!  The Cowboy NFC East Division is just slightly better than the Mountain West Cloud Division in college football!!  The Giants have tendered an offer to bring back Eli Manning!!  ABC Monday Night Football has offered to pay Eli as well just to get him off the air!!

Bills 27 at Chiefs 24

Great game and the Bills are feeling good after a huge win against K.C.  The feeling is short-lived because everyone is beating the Chiefs!!

Steelers 28 Broncos 17

The Steelers have been without little Watts on their D but still have enough steel curtain in them to be tenacious!!  QB Rothlensburger still has enough dink and donk in his arm to get Pittsburg in the end zone!!

Cardinals 35 49ers 31

The team is concerned about a rookie from Tulsa Zaven Collins!!  They feel he is too tensed up and needs a companion to ease his worries!!  The team huddled together and found a superbly beautiful Great Pyrenees male puppy who he named Hominy!!  

Have a great sports week!!

Bryan in Tulsa