Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobblehead Sports

My wittlest granddaughter Rosie is Jordan’s second!!  Rosie has adopted some of Jordan’s athletic skills and determination!!  Rosie will have the determination and meanness of her mom when the smallest of our grandkids has a growth spurt- WATCH OUT!!  She will start the swimming for toddlers classes soon and B in T is projecting his wittle Rosie to be a world-class swimming young lady!!  I foresee my little Rosie having more guts than any youngster with a disability and I have seen quite a few!!  Keep keeping on, wittle Rosie, love ? Papi!!

B in T Notes:

Pumpkin ? Man is spotted at Earth, Wind, and Fire concert at River Spirit in south Tulsa!  The security staff at River Spirit called in Tulsa SWAT and Tulsa County Sheriffs department when word was out that the Pumpkin ? Man was seen with a giant bag of edibles at the entrance of The Cove  before the EWF concert!!  Approximately 6 or 7 edibles were discovered by Tulsa SWAT which meant that approximately 500 pieces of edibles were devoured by the extraordinarily happy crowd!!  Pumpkin Man escaped out the pool exit and swam across the river!!

B in T Top 10 All-time Horror flicks:

1. 1.  A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984

Director: Wes Craven Peed my pants twice!

1. 2.  Hellraiser, 1987  Director Clive Barker/  tribute to my sister Mary!

1. 3.  The Exorcist 1981

   .     Director: William Friedkin - Never     liked pea soup again!

1. 4.  The Shining, 1980  Director Stanley Kubrick   Jack Nicholson best work!

1. 5.  Alien, 1979  Director Ridley Scott

         First Alien to pop out a stomach!

1. 6.  Psycho, 1960

         Director: Alfred Hitchcock--  I have friends at the Center similar!

7.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 1974

Director: Tobe Hooper  - Actually left the movie theatre to puke!

8.  Dawn of the Dead, 1978

Director: George A. Romero - watched the movie high!

1. 9.  The Silence of the Lambs, 1991

         Director: Jonathan Demme Sir   Anthony was a scary mofo!!

10.   An American Werewolf in London,     1981  Director: John Landis   Transformation to a Vampire was best ever!

B in T Top 6 2021 Horror Football Teams:

1. Kansas - bring back Les Miles
2. Blackwell High - need size and speed
3. NY Jets - a very long year for the Jets
4. Jacksonville Jaguars: QB needs a trim
5. Duke Blue Devils- stick to basketball
6. UConn- 3-21 over last 2 years plus 2021

College Correct Picks:

Tulsa 35 Houston 28

The Hurricane faithful are about as faithful as 5,000 football fans on a Friday night can be!!  Each game I faithfully wear my spandex waist, yellow TU pants, and shirt!!  Each week I faithfully attend tailgate parties with brownies and deviled eggs!!  Each week I faithfully feel my butt fall asleep in the stands!!  Each week I sing the TU fight song in front of the team, 7 fans, 3 dogs, and Captain Cane!!!  And each night after the game, win or lose, I cannot wait until they hit that green or occasionally blue field again!!  I hope all 13 of my readers feel the same way about their team!!  TU wins second in a row!!

QB Brin Davis may be the real deal, Lucille!!

Oklahoma State 34 Baylor 31

Baylor is very overrated and OSU may be as well!!  But QB Sanders is better this year than last!!  Cowboy fans are asking Coach Gundy, and please do not put the tall, slow, white kid in!!  The paddle the wall Cowboy folks were given a fifteen-yard unsportsmanlike penalty for spanking the back judge on the buttocks on a play that went way out of bounds!!

Georgia 35 Arkansas 27

ESPN Gameday is in Athens and several Georgia cheerleaders were busy taking selfies in Kirk Herbstreit’s lap!!  This is a no-no according to section 345, code 976c in the NCAA code of conduct manual!  The Georgia defensive line is comparable to some NFL teams but Arkansas has some beef on the O-line to battle!!  Just not quite enough!!  New live Razorback mascot Tyson, the boss hog, weighs 800 pounds and can snort once and scare Georgia bulldog live mascot Uga out of the stadium!!

*********Upset Special*********

Kansas State 34 Oklahoma 31

Kansas State wins third Sooner upset in a row!!  Sooner fans everywhere are wanting all of QB Spencer Rattler’s NIL money given to charity or reimbursed!!  The Wildcats Sophomore QB Will Howard looked like Aaron Rodgers picking apart the Dallas Cowboys against the Sooners!!  The OU offense is a little faulty this year but now the defense is looking weak!!

Iowa State 103 Kansas 2

I will never pick the Jayhawks again!!  Bad pick!!

Iowa 38 at Maryland 28

Hawkeyes swoop down and gobble up the Terrapins!!

Wisconsin 38 Michigan 31

Coach khaki is getting too comfortable so it is time for him to start choking!!  

Texas 41 at TCU 34

Texas is back, just before the 70 point loss to Oklahoma!!

Cincinnati 36 at Notre Dame 28

Cincinnati vaults to top 4 nationally after big win over the Irish ?!!

Clemson 34 Boston College 24

The last time Clemson was 2-2 and BC was 4-0, Dougie Flutie’s grandfather was playing football with a real pig!!  BC comes back to reality and Clemson heals some of it’s wounds!!

High School Correct Picks:

Bixby 62 Putman City West 13

Bixby is rated 19th in the national Max Preps poll and snuck in at 25th in the UPI USA Today top 25!!

BTW 49 Bartlesville 19

Bixby should keep an eye on the powerful and athletic BTW team!!  The Hornets Micah Tease and Gentry Williams (both may be headed to Soonerville) have some serious moves!!

Holland Hall 48 Central 20

The Dutch will run the table this year the move up to 5A and sweep that classification too!!

Wagoner 42 at Bristow 12

Wagoner has no fear of any school this side of the Rio Grande!!

Cushing 52 at OC Classen 13

The Tigers are excited about this road trip until both the Cushing busses were stolen the day before the road trip to Classen!!  Cushing philanthropist Michael Morrill stepped up and purchased a Custom Hemphill Touring bus once used by Aerosmith!!  Several Cushing football players wept tears of joy as they walked on the bus for the first time!!  Each cushion velvet and leather seat has its 32-inch big screen TV and mini-fridge and wet bar!!

Blackwell 24 at Perry 20

Blackwell Maroons against the Perry Maroons in, you guessed it, the battle of the Maroons!!  This is not to be confused with the battle of the morons which involves the Kardashians!!  A Perry player goes to the wrong end zone for a win for the Blackwell Maroons!!!!  

Mom O Meter Blackwell moms .978. Perry moms.969   The Blackwell moms aka Blackwell Babes defeated the Perry moms aka Perry Princes in a controversial chicken neck wringing contest!!  The Perry Princes used the common squeeze and twirl move introduced by grandmas in the 1950s!!  The Blackwell Babes use a controversial chicken neck-breaking device and won the contest easily!!  Perry schools have protested the so-called fun event!!

B in T Diner of the Week

Sassy’s Good Eats   On The Square in Perry!!  Sassy’s is best known for her smoked bacon macaroni and cheese souffle!!  Oklahoma State’s coach Gundy has his own OSU Cowboy booth at Sassy’s and attends the diner 2 or 3 times a month!!

Jenks 41 at Broken Arrow 34

The Trojans took care of the Tigers in what has turned out to be a tough year for BA head coach Josh Blankenship!!  Son went over to father Bill’s house in Owasso Saturday and borrowed some football knowledge from Papa Blankenship!!  

Owasso 46 Norman North 34

The Northern Timberwolves are the toughest westside team but legendary Coach B of Owasso runs the wishbone in the first half and then runs the spread no-huddle in the second half!!  True shat!!  I promise!!  The Norman North coaches were confused again by the offensive master Coach B.!!!!  

Bishop Kelley 34 at Durant 24

Not feeling real good about this pick!!

Cascia Hall 31 at Spiro 14

Cascia’s 1.2 million dollar team tour bus was shut down for the Spiro trip!!  Some insiders to the Commando program feel certain that new vibrating massage chairs have replaced the leather seats in the luxurious bus!!

Tonkawa 45 Crescent 6

The Tonkawa Buccaneers defeated the Crescent Wrenches in a monsoon of rain!!  This week’s Tonkawa Quilt and Cannabis Festival had record attendance despite the rain!!

Pro Correct Picks:

Cowboys 21 Panthers 17

Owner Jerry Jones fires his son as Prez of the Cowboys!!  Jerry then realized he was having a very bad dream and woke up to the real world including three Cowboy wins in a row, Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders pole dancing in his 12,000 square foot man cave, and a brand new record-setting 12th facelift!!

Browns 27 at Vikings 21

Cleveland QB Mayfield completed 28 of 30 passes for 332 yards and 2 touchdowns!!  Tragically one of his passes fell incomplete when Baker hit a bird with one if his exit velocity 101.67 miles per hour throws!!  The bird exploded in pieces!!

Chiefs 35 at Eagles 27

Comparing the Cheifs QB Mahomes arm strength to Eagles QB Hurts arm strength is like comparing a roadrunner on fire chased by Wiley Coyote to a constipated tortoise!!

Bears 28 Lions 14

The Lions are playing for the Turkey Day game against the Vikings when they will tank the remainder of their games to get that first-round draft choice, Spencer Rattler!!  Upon drafting Rattler the Lions began tanking games for 2022!!

Cardinals 38 at LA Rams 34

Kyler Murray does have smallish 30-inch arms but can throw a football 80 yards on the fly while sitting on the ground!!  YPAL - Yards Per Arm Length rates Murray number 1 in the NFL!!

Have a great sports week!!

Bryan in Tulsa

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

B in T Notes:

Fletcher's Corndogs Sold at OU Games!

World famous Fletchers Corndogs made its debut last week at the Sooner home opener!!  Almost 56,000 corndogs were sold by the third quarter!!  The batter for the corny dogs is said to be made from a corn maze and shrooms!!  This is only a rumor!!  TJ Perry and Toby Roland, famous radio hosts, were instrumental in bringing the Corny dogs to OU land!!  TJ worked out the contracts and Toby worked on the taste quality by testing over 100 Fletchers Corny dogs!  True shat!!

Bobblehead Sports:

B in T has experienced watching his grandson play in a local youth golf league this summer!!  My daughter Jordan played golf in high school and her team won a state championship!!  I, unfortunately, did not see any of her matches due to work!  Of course, my main reason is to take time to watch grandson Gus play golf and to tribute my daughter Jordan and her Golf State Championship at Cascia Hall!

Here are other reasons to watch golf in 100-degree heat!!

• Work on tan!
• Check out golf moms!
• Get in good with my younger daughter!  I am in her dog house more than Jami’s!!
• Make sure my son in law does not have wondering eyes on the golf course!
• Sneak two Bud Lights in my mini cooler!
• Look at the dads squirm as their son or daughter hit 5 in the water at Southern Hills!!
• I am a little upset that the hot moms did not bring orange slices as they do for soccer!!

Slightly early B in T next Dallas Cowboy Coach Predictions!

1. Lincoln Riley - states that this would be the only job he would leave Soonerville for or possibly Notre Dame!
2. Bob Stoops - has to promise Jerry he will not hire brother Mike
3. Barry Switzer - age in question but he is much more competent than half the NFL coaches and anyone on the current Cowboy staff!
4. Billy Ray Cyrus - Jerry has a man-crush on him
5. Luke Fickel Cincinnati - don't laugh
6. Loren Montgomery Bixby - Coach Montgomery has half the penalties Dallas does in the last 3 years!  Jerry and Loren were seen at lunch at Roosevelt's in midtown Tulsa!

The early odds for the next Coach at USC:

1. Gus Calzone UCF - 50/50
2. James Franklin Penn State - 65/35
3. Oregon coach what’s his name - 30/70
4. Any ex USC dude whoever had anything to do with USC football - 1/99

New AAC candidates  

CBS Sports picks plus B in T long shot picks!

• Air Force: Service academy partner with Navy, already an AAC member.
• Boise State: Established football excellence. Possible travel partner for other Western candidates. Might have to decide between the AAC now or Big 12 down the line.
• Colorado State: One of the best new stadiums in the country. The football program is struggling, and CSU doesn't exactly deliver the Denver market.
• San Diego State: New stadium, beautiful city, West Coast talent. But if the AAC stays (somewhat) intact, why would SDSU leave the best remaining Group of Five league? Its only other option would be a Big 12 that wants to expand beyond 14. Travel would be an issue.
• UAB: The city of Birmingham, coach Bill Clark and athletic director Mark Ingram deserve tremendous credit for making the program attractive since it was shut down in 2014.
• FAU: A Sunshine State replacement for UCF. Lane Kiffin showed the Owls' potential winning two conference titles in three years.
• UTSA: A rising program in a large market that would theoretically replace Houston in the state of Texas.

 

AAC Darkhorse- Appalachian State

B in T AAC Long shots:

• Booker T Washington - great marching band and drill team
• Union Redhawks - super new facilities
• Owasso Rams - Coach Blankenship has Tulsa coaching experience
• Jenks Trojans - some players are already working on NIL contracts with the AAC
• Bixby Spartans - they seem to be waiting for a Power 5 conference

College Always Correct Picks:

Oklahoma 48 West Virginia 21

The Sooners Athletic department feels some heat from the Mountaineer folks.  The Sooner Schooner ran over the legs of the Mountaineer mascot Daniel Boone!  Both leg fibulas were broken with bones sticking out of flesh, not to be graphic!!  Numerous West Virginia hillbilly lawyers are in the process of representing Mr. Boone!!  Rattler seems to be sharper each week and his 78% completion percentage is 2nd nationally!!  

Tulsa 38 Arkansas St 31

Great game as several of the 10,000 plus fans stayed for the entire game!!  Arby’s has been a huge sponsor of the Golden Hurricane for centuries and recently created a new giveaway for 2021!!  In the 80s and 90s there were the famous Arby’s clickers of which I have 3 in my man cave!!  During the Arkansas State game there will be Arby’s Fun Bun Run and two TU employees dress up as Arbys buns and race!!  The bun stadium section that wins gets a free Double Roast Beef sandwich ? and 2 potato cakes!!  I shat u not!!  Tulsa QB Davis Brin has improved drastically from game one of this season!!  Brin throws for 3 touchdowns and 335 yards passing!!

Arkansas 24 Texas A&M 21

Broken Arrow’s own Myles Slusher had an interception pick for the Hogs to ice the game with 1 minute left!  Broken Arrow could use Myles right now!!  The A&M faithful were distraught as they left the stadium pelted by plastic hog hats!!

Iowa State 27 at Baylor 20

Nice win for Clone coach Matt Campbell as he flies back to Waco from a Pasadena (USC) job interview!!  My sources are telling me that a 200 million dollars 12-year contract is being discussed!!  My sources are normally correct when sober!!

Wisconsin 24 Notre Dame 13

This game is played at Soldier Field in Chicago with ESPN Gameday, Fox Sports Gameday, and B in T Game Pregame making an appearance!!!  Coach Dikta will be the GUEST PICKER!!

The Badgers smash-mouthed the Irish and numerous Notre Dame fans were upset that Wisconsin did not allow their 42 piece jazz band at the game!!  They offered them a small stage to play outside of the Soldier stadium but this only angered the Irish!!

Oklahoma State 31 Kansas State 24

Several Cowboy Posse Club members were irate that Coach Gundy did not allow their pregame walk on the field for the first time in years!  In spite, younger Posse Club members went on the field during the game and were sent to the stadium jail!!  The first of three Presley brothers to play for OSU caught 6 passes for 172 yards and 3 touchdowns!!  His YAC numbers lead the nation (yards after catch - YAC)!

Texas 38 Texas Tech 23

The Longhorns have taken the advice of B in T and started Casey Thompson from New Castle, Oklahoma at QB!!  Casey Is the son of former OU QB Charles Thompson!  He will be licking his chops to beat OU in the Red River Rivalry unless Sarkesian benches him!!

High School Always Correct Picks:

Collinsville 45 Hale 24

In the 70s the Hale Ranger JV would beat Collinsville by 50 and then bring the Whitney Junior High boys in to finish the second half!!  True shat, Google it!!

Bixby 56 at Bartlesville 14

Bartlesville homecoming and I must say why in the name of the Loren Montgomery statue outside the gates of Spartan Stadium, would any team schedule their homecoming against Bixby???!!!  

Mom O Meter  Bartlesville Moms .989 Bixby Moms.980   This was possibly the most exciting, down to the wire competition in years!  The competition came to the final event of the day - Calf fries frying!!  The Bixby moms used the Walmart Market calf fry kit while the Bartlesville moms used their secret recipe with cayenne pepper and shrooms!!  Amazing balls frying and the win goes to the Bruin Moms!!

B in T Diner of the Week:

Murphy's Original Steakhouse - 1625 SW Phillips Blvd., Claremore -  the brown gravy at Murphy’s was rated number 1 in the nation according to a panel of gravy experts in 2019!!  Popstar Dua lipa and boyfriend Megadeath lead singer, Dango stopped there for Murphy’s calf fries during the pandemic!!  Google it!

Broken Arrow 46 at Westmore 12

Broken Arrow is due a blowout game and the crowd was chanting bring back David A., please!!  Myles Slusher did not attend this game.  He stayed home and watched NCIS with his parents before carrying the Razorbacks to another victory!!

Jenks 52 Enid 18

Jenks's new freshman QB Heilig passed for 340 yards and evidently threw a pass 80 yards in the air ala Michael Vick!!  San Jose State and recently TU have offered this young man a scholarship!!  

****************ALERT****************

PUMPKIN MAN SPOTTED IN DOWNTOWN JENKS!!!!

Pumpkin Man was caught on camera putting cannabis candy in the downtown Jenks Christmas decorations which will be ceremoniously turned on November 2nd this year!!

Owasso 37 at Union 20

The new Owasso double-decker travel bus which was recently purchased by Owasso County Bond 6969 came in handy for the long trip from Owasso to Union!!  After stopping at the halfway point at Mohawk Park for a sack lunch the boys continued to 67th and Memorial and kicked some butt!!

Cushing 38 Tuttle 34

Tuttle is known as the house that Heisman Trophy QB Jason White built!!  Nephew Caleb had another super game!  The young man had 8 tackles at the half but had to sit on the bench in the third quarter for talking to cheerleaders at halftime!!  Heck I knew not to do that Caleb, actually I could not get them to talk to me at all!!!!  Junior QB Berkowitz, again no relation to the son of Sam dude, we think, had 399 yards passing and 4 touchdowns!!

McAlester 28 at Bishop Kelley 17

BK could be 0-6!!  We need some hail Mary’s coach Tapana!!

Wagoner 42 Cleveland 21

Wagoner coach Cundiff once was offered the Cleveland job and turned it down saying ‘I am waiting for the Cleveland Browns offer’!!!  

Cascia Hall 38 Heavener 6

The Heavener moms arrived in Tulsa early to head to Utica Square and Queenies for lunch!!  The ladies were upset about the slow service (a few headed to Wendy’s) and a Cascia mom covered the tab!!  True story!!

Tonkawa 35 Morrison 31

Tonkawa and Morrison have had class A 

championships a few times and could be in the mix this year!!

Blackwell 27 Luther 16

The name Luther is not only a high school football team nicknamed the Lions but also a cousin!!  Luther Grits is on my great aunt Ethel's side of the family and was notorious for being a partier? in the 60s!!  The Maroons from Blackwell and Luther both agreed to end the game by 9:30 pm for the moms to get their rest for the Kay County Fair Championship bake-off!!  True shat!!  Let's hear it for the Kay County moms!!

Pro Always Correct Picks:

Texans 35 Panthers 23

The Texans and QB Tyrod Taylor are much better than the Houston sportswriters predicted!!  Many media mouths had the Texans picked 27th out of 30!!  Tyrod can still ball!

Browns 45 Bears 17

These two teams are going in opposite directions!  The Bears might be stealing the OKC Thunder tanking model!!  Lose and get a top-three pick in 2022!!

Chiefs 36 Chargers 24

Tight end Kelce wrastled an Alaskan brown bear at halftime and then caught two touchdowns in the second half!!  WWE sponsored the wrestling event!

Cardinals 38 at Jaguars 21

Zaven Collins and his big brother mentor J.J. Watt went out for a very special treat after the game!!  Zaven had 10 tackles and a sack, so JJ took him to Braums for a quadruple stacked Banana split!!

Cowboys 34 Eagles 28

Eagles QB Jalen Hurts tries to imitate his idle Dak Prescott but comes up short as Dak throws for 555 yards!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobblehead Sports:

Hurricane Ida cut our first family combo vacation short but made it very unforgettable!!  The Family Clan of Bryan in Tulsa got out of Dauphine Island just before the electricity of the little island was turned off at midnight last Friday!!  Our beautiful beach house was about 10 yards from the ocean and the 3 days of super beach fun turned into dark high waves!!  Friday morning started with our 7-year-old Gus wanting to go out into the nasty waves and boogieboard but cooler heads prevailed when hurricane warnings started to hit all of our phones!!  Thank God for technology and for our good friends who own the beach house and suggested we leave now!!!  The local Mayor of Dauphin stated that the entire island electricity will be shut off for safety from high waters!!  So off we went to the mainland or the nearest La Quinta in Shreveport stat!!!  We saw hundreds of vehicles headed to help as we drove on interstate 10!!  Red Cross, military, National Guard, electrical contractors from all over including Oklahoma headed to battle Ida as my family others left for safety!!  Thank God for these volunteers who head straight into danger to save lives and put back the natural destruction of Hurricane season!!

B in T’s 8 NFL Projections:

1. The Buc’s Tom Brady, divorces Giselle and marries himself!!
2. Dallas Cowboys owner goes into a coma for 3 years, miraculously wakes up, and finds out his Cowboys had won 3 Super Bowls while he was in la-la land!!  After hearing the news he went back into another coma!
3. Arizona Cardinals and B in T bestie Zaven Collins win the Super Bowl and go to Disney World!!
4. The Philadelphia Eagles will trade for an additional 5 QB's, leaving Jalen Hurts to exclaim ‘Hey I'm HERE!’
5. Drew Brees comes out of retirement for one day and he is pulled back into retirement via an ass-kicking by his wife!!
6. DeShaun Watson of the Houston Texans, I think, is currently on some double-secret suspension for wrongly touching 30 young ladies!  Deshaun will be suspended for the entire year and become a backup in the XFL!
7. San Fransisco QB Jimmy Garoppolo is put on waivers and becomes a male gigolo in West San Fran!!  He is later picked up by the Ottawa Roughriders in the CFL!!
8. Rookie superstar Trevor Lawrence has a below-average first year for the Jags and shaves all of his hair!! Jaguar haters hope he becomes a Monk!!  

Dear Center for the Physically Limited Staff:  As a member with a limited number of verbal warnings, Bryan in Tulsa has a few ideas for our folks to enjoy the Center more!

1. Mixed Synchronized swimming 
2. Staff mudwrestling contest, a fundraiser that is much more exciting than a bake sale!
3. Instead of a suggestion box we should have a bitch and complain box!
4. Cappuccino machine or Starbucks,  this is currently under discussion with corporate Wendi!
5. Tulsa Speedway night for the Center!!  Watching cars run ? in circles is very therapeutic!

B in T College Picks:

Tulsa 42 UC Davis 9

Tulsa can start this season early with a win and get the Missisisippi State street thugs out of their system!!  Tulsa QB Davis Brinn completed 20-28 passes for 277 yards and 3 TD's and 1 pick!  This year the Tulsa team will wear a giant golden anchor around their neck after an exceptional play on defense!!  Stud defensive lineman Jaxon Player occasionally wears 2 anchors at a time!!  No shat broh!!   The Happy Timers Golden Hurricane Club met at Roosevelts Bar and reserved the Tikki Room before the game!! This age 70 to 100 group became upset when a group of young yuppie Blue Domers tried to sit in the Tikki room!!  Fred and Thelma Tittleson, two retired Circuit Judges from TU, emmidiately had the Blue Domers evicted by the Tulsa Sherriffs office!!  After the small melee a Silver Alert was announced in the Blue Dome for Tom and Myrtle Greysnapper who had been missing from Roosevelts since 5:00!!  An hour later they were found with the UC Davis Aggie fans at the Buccaneer Bar!!  The Silver was turned off and all was great in TU land!!

Oklahoma 55 at Tulane 13

An 11 AM ABC kickoff and in Norman, Oklahoma instead of New Orleans where Hurricane Ida bore down and caused damage!!  Numerous Tulane players were excited to head to Norman Wednesday and have steak dinners and extreme breakfasts and lunches!!  Each Tulane player was given massages to help them cope with Hurricane Ida mentally!!  The visitor locker rooms at OU were made of mahogany with a Bose sound system!!  OU million-dollar NIL man Spencer Rattler throws an around-the-back pass for a touchdown and immediately signs a deal with Ultimate Frisbee USA for 250k for 1 year!!

Ohio State 48 at Minnesota 17

Ohio State Coach Day is a super coach with more talent than he knows what to do with!!  Like Sooner Coach Riley, Coach Day has the next two classes of Quarterbacks already committed to the Buckeyes!!  The Golden Gophers are a middle of the road heading up, but no match for the Buckeyes!’

Oklahoma State 62 Missouri State 14

The Bears of Mizzou State are known as the whipping post for the Cowboys and Sooners!!  Simply pay the team 1M and they will line up for the kickoff and get their butt whipping!!!  QB Spencer Sanders looks like Heisman material against a secondary the averages 4.70 in the 40-yard dash!!  Pick a number for the outcome!  Jenks or Union would run the clock in the 4th quarter!!

Arkansas 48 Rice 21

When the Vietnam faithful discovered that they must be vaccinated to attend the game on September 4, numerous hag fans turned in their tickets and said ‘we ain't goin’!!!  An announced crowd of 12,134 called the hogs to the best of their ability!!  Lines for the vaccine are growing slightly but the psychologist business is huge in Fayetteville!!  Stay tuned!!

Kansas State 34 Stanford 31

The Stanford Cardinals landed in Manhattan and later discovered that the game was at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas!!  Surprise, and how about those Stanford brainiacs!!  Mildcats play tough, rough and boring football enough for a 3 point win!!  The Veer offense is still a way of life in Manhattan, Kansas!!

Iowa 27 Indiana 24

Iowa upsets the Hoosiers by three points and five players from the Hawkeyes were arrested for disorderly conduct while chugging jaeger shots in there game jockstraps!!

Iowa State 48 Northern Iowa 24

Iowa State played their JV team in the first quarter got behind by two touchdowns!!  Once QB Purdy orchestrated three straight touchdown drives, Clone Nation could breathe easy!!  The Northern Iowa Chippewas were done by halftime!!

Texas 38 Louisiana 31

Both teams are ranked in the top 25!!  Who cares!  Texas new coach Sarkisian has 4 years to get the Shorthorns to SEC averageness!!

Clemson 35 Georgia 31

Clemson’s new quarterback Tzansiam Prohamashakakan and new freshman running back Will Shipley lead the Tigers to a hard-fought battle!!  

B in T High School Picks:

Cushing 41 at Bristow 20

Nephew middle linebacker Caleb is in his Senior and has buffed out up to 230 and brings a wallop!!  Bench pressing hogs at FFA competitions over the summer works for the strength coach!!

The Berlowitz twins transferred from Poland and are studs!!!  Junior Blaze Berlowitz throws for 3 touchdowns and a dozen stiff arms!!  Scouts are drooling!!  North Texas likes him and offered him a separate contract for his arm alone!!

Mom O Meter- Bristow moms .988 Cushing moms .981

Unbelievable contest between two of the hottest and smartest moms in high school history!!  The final score came down to the team cowbell-making contest!!  The Bristow moms designed a cowbell shaped like a pirates head in hot

Pink!!!!   The crowd erupted and grown women cried!!

B in T Diner of the week:  Bristow -

The Beach House is a fixture on main street Bristow!  Located at 223 S. Main Street, Bristow.  This place claims to have the best chicken fried steak and okra casserole this side of Hugo!!  Folks say that Ted Nugent and his road crew once had rhubarb pie there!!  True shat!!

Holland Hall 42 Cascia Hall 32

Who's who in high school football private school fans might be in attendance!  Holland Hall beef eaters demolished the Commandos!

Who's who supposedly seen at the Holland Hall vs Cascia Hall game:

- Leanardo DeCaprio seen in hotdog line in 1st quarter at Hardesty Field!

-Robert Dinero was seen at the game hobnobbing with Cascia coach Joe Medina!!

-Ex TUer Jerry Ostroski and son Owen were signing autographed plastic footballs for 10$ a piece!!  Yea NIL!

Bixby 42 at Jenks 31

Bixby’s all-world players TE Hanz and running back Pressley score 6 touchdowns between them and signed autographs with pictures for 15 dollars each for the Spartan Club fundraiser!!  No NIL was disclosed but the Spartan Club just bought a 46 ft Rialta touring bus for road trips!!  This Rialta is equipped with a disco dancing DJ, wet bar, and dancing poles!!  

Bishop Kelley 31 Sand Springs 20

The BK offensive line is anchored by Cash Hudson who ran over Sandite players like they were squashed armadillos on a New Mexico highway!!

Oklahoma City Patriot Home School 27 Blackwell 20 

A number of the Blackwell players were noticeably upset after a tough game!!  Their anxiety was quickly uplifted when the bus pulled into the Hooters on Penn Street after the game!!

Union 42 Broken Arrow 34

The Union Mamas are a hardcore core booster club that has moms, grandmas, aunts, great aunts, and great-grandmas!!  This club is mostly made of 85% Jiujitsu aqua belts!!  Do not mess with these girls!!  A couple of the Union great aunts got in a shouting match with some BA coaches walking into the stadium!!  The Union great aunts told the BA coaching staff they had big butts!!  Cooler heads prevailed when new BA coach Josh Blankenship cooled down the ladies from Union!!

BTW 36 at Del City 35

Del City is one of the better football schools in 6AII and usually has Booker Ts number!!  Not this year, BTW talent shines through and they win with a last-minute 43-yard field goal!!

Owasso 52 Fayetteville Piglets 13

The Owasso defensive team set a Guinness World record by eating 1,123 junior bean burritos from Taca Tico!!  Defensive coordinator and future Hale High School head coach Antonio Graham had 11 burritos and was in the lead until his wife made him quit!  More dominance by the Rams!!

Tonkawa 27 Newkirk 20

Town mayor Charlie who happens to be a cousin by marriage to Mrs. B in T has set aside a seat for each home game for the urban legend BIGFOOT!!!  This little fundraiser receives National Coverage by FOX and CNN when a figure shows up at an empty stadium on camera!!  The 7ft., fury figure was caught on camera!!  The Tonkawa Booster Club had a great fundraiser thanks to cousin Charlie!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

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