October 31

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!  REMEMBER, THE FREAKS DO COME

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Faked Out Sports / B in T

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FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

soonerpolitics.org

FOS Notes:

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• 
  B in T prediction: Tulsa’s Zaven Collins has almost as many tackles in 2020 than breakups with TU girls!!  Around TU’s great campus students are saying they have seen Zaven walk on water??  Seriously, B in T thinks Zaven will be a doctor soon and cure a disease!  Double seriously, Mr. Collins is the best linebacker in America!
• Here are a few questions at the Lincoln Riley Show that were not read on the air:  1)  Are you giving the team orange slices??  2)  Coach are you going to the Houston Texans and can we help you get there??  3)  Coach Riley have you or any of the players seen the mysterious Pumpkin Man??  4)  Is the defensive coordinator still with the team?  5)  Can we hire Clemson’s Venables??  His salary would look like this:  1 Million per year from OU and 1 million per year from you coach Riley!
• 
  Texas Coach Tom Herman has a 20 million dollars buy out and the Longhorn Boosters
  including Mathew MaCrotchany (ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT) have a buy out cashiers check for 20 million dollars in Mathew’s Wrangler jeans back pocket!!
• I Have just watched a FOX 23 interview with a mom that will hand out Vegan candy!!  WTF.....are there that many tricks or treaters in Tulsa who want Vegan Milk Duds??  I must call my friend ’Karen’ and ask her WTF is going on here!!??
• B in T Coronavirus Coaching Crystal Ball:  - Urban Meyer to Texas;  Tom Herman to East Carolina; Adam Gase (from the Jets to Midland High School);  

FOS College Football Picks

Oklahoma State 42 Texas 32

Oklahoma 45 at Texas Tech 38

Looks like the Sooners are leaning towards the Pier 1 Chapter 11 Bowl which will be played at the Fargo High School stadium.  Sooner fans are ecstatic since they have never been to Fargo, North Dakota!!  Please get your OU Parkas at The Soonerville Shop for $279.99!  Spencer Rattler has grown up quite a bit and since losing games makes you stronger, so they say, he is very strong ?!

Tulsa 42 East Carolina 13

The East Carolina Pirates and their 13 fans seemed annoyed that the TU student section was 

Texas A&M 38 Arkansas 31

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************UPSET SPECIAL**************

Penn State 36 Ohio Stae 35

Penn State QB Wil Levis was able to make his passes count in the battle with the Buckeyes!!  He was 14-19 and 3 touchdowns and 0 picks from the NFL bound Buckeye secondary!!

Cincinnati 51 Memphis 42

Michigan 35 Michigan State 31

Baylor 31 TCU 25

Baylor Bears quarterback Charlie Brewer is in his second year of grad school due to his long stay in Waco!!  He completed 24 for 30 passes 2 touchdowns and 0 interceptions, and announced he was going for his Doctorate while playing at Baylor!

Kansas State 42 at West Virginia 31

Kansas State has the number 1 defense in the Big 12!  So what, IKR!!  Any time you get out of Morgantown with a win and no communicable diseases it is a good weekend!!

Snow fell during the second half in Lawrence and caused Kansas Coach Miles to call time out for a quick cup of cappuccino from a student trainer!!  Kansas football still sucks but the countryside is mighty picturesque when snowfalls!!

Illinois 31 Purdue 21

The Illinois with coach Lovie Smith are playing to save Lovie’s job so they will not have to pay his 10 million dollar buyout!!

Auburn 42 LSU 31

I would have sworn that LSU won the National Championship last year, but this year they are chicken ?poop compared to the rest of the SEC!!

FOS High School Picks:

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Will Pumpkin Man disappear after the 31st of October?  Which High School will see Pumpkin Man this week!

Booker T Washington 42 at Muskogee 16

Muskogee has speed but no size, BTW has both on their freshman squad alone!

Blackwell 35 at Alva 30

Union 52 at Southmoore 21

Union needs to whip some folks to make up for the 0-4 start!!  I would not want to meet them in the playoffs!!

Jenks 55 at Edmond Memorial 28

The Jenks and Edmond areas are very similar areas with the only difference, Edmond divided into two schools Edmond Memorial and Edmond Sante Fe!  This is an argument between the Eastside and Westside of Oklahoma for 2 decades!!

BA is determined to get back to the 6A1 Championship game and by beating Norman is justone brick on the road yellow brick road to get there!!

Owasso 62 Moore 12

Owasso's defensive coordinator is very confident and states that the Rams would be in the top 4 of Conference USA!!  The Ram’s defense has no lack confidence issues!!  Go Rams!!

Bixby 59 Ponca City 7

Bishop Kelley 38 Coweta 13

The Comets are tough to beat and fundamentally sound!!  Should finally start sniffing that Gold Ball!!

Glenpool 46 at Nathan Hale 6

Keep plugging Rangers!!

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PUMPKIN MAN SPOTTED AT ROBERTS AUTO DEALERSHIP IN PRYOR!  FREE MARGARITAS!

The town of Pryor was excited when sightings of Pumpkin Man were reported at Roberts Auto Dealership!!  Over a thousand folks gathered at the Pryor dealership as he handed out Margaritas and treats with surgical gloves from Saint Francis Hospital Pryor and sold 38 cars in 2 hours that Friday!!  A record, thanks to the Pumpkin Man!!  The treats seemed to put everyone in a great mood and ready to purchase a new Chevy!!  The treats were needed for the Pryor football team also!!

Wagoner 48 at Grove 13

The Grove School Council indicated they had 578 Coronavirus cases and the Wagoner game would be called off!!  Grove doesn't even have 578 kids in their high school!!  Nice try Grove, and a special thanks to Dr. Faucci!!

Ada 46 Cushing 31

between two groups of super football moms separated only by the dirty diaper toss and the frozen Margarita blender speed contest!!  The ladies had some fun when a Cushing mom, whom I think might be an in law of mine, accidentally hit an Ada mom in the Kister!  Diapers flew everywhere and both sides laughed and did Coronavirus fake handshakes!!  The Cushing moms simply dominated the Margi contest with 7 former moms or current moms who have bartended!. Winning time for a blend and pour Margarita was 1 minute and 34 seconds!!

Prairie Kitchen - 129 Northeast Richardson Loop, Ada, OK   The Prairie Kitchen is known for its baby back ribs and hog jowl!!  Minnie Pearl stated on Hee Haw in 1976 that the Prairie Kitchen were the best dang nab barbecue she had ever ate!!

Holland Hall 38 Verdigris 24

Current Holland Hall and future Army defensive end Owen Ostraski had two sacks, two pass deflections, and 4 TFSs (tackles for losses)!!!

Cascia Hall 48 Roland 18

Cashion 38 Tonkawa 28

Cashion was simply much more physical than Tonkawa and kept the Buccaneers off-balance all night!!

FOS NFL Picks:

The Browns are on a roll and their leader Baker Mayfield is riding this wave of wins for into the annals of Cleveland Browns history!!

The Jets coach Adam Gase, who shows a strong resemblance to a young Harvey Weinstein,who's family is selling his house in New York and moving to Midland, Texas to coach the local high school team!!  Coach Gase is said to be a dead man walking to the Jets ownership with his 0-7 record and no signs of improvement!!

Saints 24 at Bears 16

The Saints are fighting for their playoff lives and with a road victory over da Bears that may help get them over the hump!!

The Cowboys and QB Andy Daulton are keeping the Boys on top of the National League Least Division!!  Eagles QB Wentz threw an interception to secure the game for the Cowboys!!

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These two defenses are so vaunted that it made me look up the word vaunted!!  It usually means praised and boasted, but with football, it can also mean ass-kicking and deadly!  The difference in the game happened when Steeler QB Rothlrnsberger stepped out of the endzone with his size 16 shoes for a safety!!

FOS Words of Wisdom from the unwise one:  Axe Cologne is the new Old Spice!!

Have a great sports week!

PUMPKIN MAN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!  PUMPKIN MAN SIGHTINGS AT TULSA HILLS AND A YOUTH SOCCER GAME!!

• 
  Inside sources tell me that the Texas Board of Regents has a shortlist for the next coach to replace coach Herman.  Here is the shortlist:  1. God   2. The Pope  3. Superman  4. Mike Leach HC MSU  5. Kliffy Kingsbury HC AZ Cardinals.  Longshots are said to be:  Chip on HGTV's Fixer Upper, and movie star, Texas alum and weird car commercial dude Matthew McCoconutey!!
• Sightings of Pumpkin Man AND Big Foot Have Finally been Authenticated, THESE PHOTOS HAVE NEVER BEENVIEWED!! 
  

• One National Debate between Mumbles Biden and Frumpy Trumpy is enough for a any world power to take in one evening!!  This debate was a hot mess inside a dumpster fire inside a train wreck inside a crashing elevator in a skyscraper!! Hopefully the VPs can bring back some morality and decency to  this election!!
• 
  The current MLB format for a 58 game season reminds me of the cheap plastic gifts you get for 500 tickets at Chucky Cheese!!  Not worth a shat!!  For teams like the Cardinals, Marlins and Reds who think they are good when they really only won a putt-putt miniature golf trophy or a participation trophy ?!!
• 
  A ’Karen’ on steroids is loose in Logan, Ohio!!  A young lady in Logan became upset at her son’s middle school football game when 2 Barney Fife security guards at 5’3” and 290 lbs tasered her for not wearing her Coronavirus mask!!  In true Ohio high school football fashion,the game continued as the young mom screamed and was carried to the local Logan poky!!  Cheerleaders continued there routines, referees threw their flags, and the young men played football despite what seemed like a gangland slaying in the stands!
  
• CREEPER SPREADER EVENT-  This term not a new horror movie by Rob Zombie but simply an event sponsored by the White House where political talking heads gather without masks, hug at will, and spit, slobber, and spread Coronavirus while wearing expensive suits!!  Imagine if many Washington hoyty toyties including the President and First Lady testing positive for Caronavirus!!  That would be really, really foolish!!
• Port City Auto Racing is an unknown jewel in these Pandemic times!  More on Oklahoma racing next week!
• Bixby Spartan 2021 possible Non-Conference opponents:  1.  Jenks, 2. Oklahoma State Scout team. 3.  NEO  4.  Owasso  5.  Alabama - Grumpy Saban is trying to upgrade his schedule from Colgate!  6.  New York Jets...........or Giants!

The crowd of Golden Hurricane fans was very sparse in Tampa, Florida due to Coronavirus

concerns and high age risks!!  A number of TU high-risk fans decided to have a watch party at Cains Ballroom in Tulsa!!  The owner of Cains Ballroom, who will remain nameless, offered to charge a flat price for the game and supply a buffet catered by Western Sizzler!!  Coronavirus Masks were required although numerous TU patrons wore Halloween masks!!  Testosterone started to fly when two TU post-retirement age men argued over whether the Coronavirus was brought to the USA by China or from the same Aliens that make crop circles!!  The gents gave each other fake hugs and commenced to watch the ’Cane kick some arse!! 

Oklahoma 45 at TCU 38

Scouts from the Boca Raton Constipation Clinic Bowl were in Fort Worth to offer the winner of this game the first Bowl invite of the Bowl season!!  Some of the Sooner faithful are still holding hope to be the first four-loss team invited to the final four of college football!!  The other half of Sooner faithful want coach Grinch tarred and feathered, then buried in the sand with honey and killer red ants!!  Typical former Heisman Trophy candidate Rattler day, with 340 yards, 4 TDs, and 4 interceptions!!  

Texas Tech 45 West Virginia 31

The Crimson Tide and Grumpy are looking to schedule the Dallas Cowboys next year for an easy non-conference win!!

 5. SUVs with ’My child is an Honor Student’ sticker on the back window- 1436

The Jenks team moms are called the Trojan War Horse Mothers!!  They are responsible forThursday team meals, team mom cowbells with player number, and of course, preparing the team bus with balloons and to-go snacks!!  The moms are super but if you yell at her son in a game she will cut out your spleen!!

The Bixby Spartans are rated 7th in the nation by the USA Today high school football poll!!  This

reminds me the Sooners are rated 12th in the latest USA high school poll!!  The Bixby youngsters were placed on 3 brand new state of the art buses sponsored by Dr. Stevens DDS!!  These buses have mini kitchen pantries for the players and a large bar for the Spartan Boosters!!

???ALERT- Pumpkin Man was seen at the Tulsa Hills shopping center handing out Fake Vampire Teeth to the young people!  These teeth were nonedible due to the Coronavirus!!  Thank you Pumpkin Man!!  Later in the evening the Man known as Pumpkin was spotted at the BK vs EC football game at the East Central Stadium!!  Pumpkin Man went millennial and handed out Halloween treats such as tofu candy corn, gluten-free Rice Krispie Treats, and Pumpkin mint dental floss!!  

Chisholm 35 Blackwell 26 

The Maroons have a three-win season for the first time since my brother Mike was all-Kay County Defensive Lineman and FFA King Moo runner-up!!  The Chisolm team immediately went dove hunting after the game!!  The doves were given glow in the dark feed and unleashed into the wild for night dove hunting!!

Tonkawa 38 at Hinton 20

FOS Mon O Meter-- Hinton moms .955 Tonkawa moms .940

The Cascia old fart dads had their annual homecoming burger cookout and talked about the old days

of chasing cheerleaders and smoking a fatty behind the gym!!  A couple of old fart Pacola dads joined the group and were offered a burger but declined when they found out that the Cascia hamburger meat was not 100% USDA prime choice!!  The Pacola old fart dads brought some Bud Light Platinum beer and all old farts had fun together despite their opposite sides!!

The Browns running game is very strong and Baker Mayfield has been sacked 50% less than last year!  Baker thought it would be nice to take his offensive line to dinner at the Picadilly Cafeteria all you can eat buffet!!  Big spender Mayfield!   Not.

Chiefs 38 at Broncos 20

The Texans fired GM Bill O’Brien and Head Coach Bill O’Brien!!  When you get rid of future HOFamer receiver Andre Hopkins and have no defined receivers replacement, you should be fired!!  Texans D-lineman Watts is contemplating retiring and doing WWE Championship Wrestling as Dr. Death!!

B, in T

PUMPKIN MAN SIGHTING AT HOLLAND HALL!!  HOLLAND HALL SECURITY TASERS WRONG VILLAIN!!

soonerpolitics.org

• 
• Bobbleheads- My Granddaughter Ana had her first 4-year-old soccer game!!  She did score a goal kinda, semi accidentally but she was the sheepherder of the scrum of toddler girls running after the soccer ball!!  Ana conversed with her coach quite a bit:  ’Coach I have Mickey Mouse bandaids on, ’ Coach I would like to to introduce you to my family, ’  ’Coach would you like some of our snacks?’  ’Coach I need to go to the bathroom’.  Of course, these questions were asked while the game was in progress!!
• Bobbleheads continued:  One of my biggest fans is my 94 years young Uncle Thurston!!  He never misses a beat on my college picks and will let me know about the wrong ones!!  I thought he deserves to be in my kid Bobblehead section because he is still young at heart!  I know that is a cliche, but so true!  He also reads Faked Out Sports to our Aunt Pat (his wife) at 91 years old!!  We love them so much!! 
• I would put Arkansas State third in the Big 12, behind Texas and Oklahoma State!!
• The South Park cast was at the Broncos game!!  If you look closely the flat cardboard cut out of Cartman gave General Manager Elway the bird!!  
• I really did not care about the Rinky Dink baseball playoffs formerly known as the MLB World Series. Just as long as my Redbirds were allowed to wear their baby blue uniforms one more time!!
• Which of the following may have a squirrel family living on top of their head:  a. Donald Trump  b. Bryan from Tulsa   c.  Bill Self  d. Larry King  e.  Don King  f. Burger King creepy dude     ANSWER:  a

The third game in a row that the Golden Hurricane play a top 15 opponent!!  Tulsa is licking its chops just to have a have game in front of 3,657 TU fans of which half are AARP and basically there for the free Hurricane towels with Arby’s coupons!!  The TU defense is very athletic and actually has some speed and length!!  A pandemic masked Pumpkin Man in a trench coat reportedly pinched a TU cheerleader on his backside and was lost in the crowd!!  Was this the real Pumpkin Man or one of my TU fraternity brothers?  We will never know!!  The memo about no tailgating was lost by all 40 of my TU friends and spouses!!  We decided to have a 6 feet apart and COV mask underground tailgate party by the TU library!!  Once we finally found the library we started to party!!  We had Cornholing with TU boards!  The TU Happy Timers crashed our underground party and brought a Coors Light Pony Keg!!  These 70-year-old plus TU hotties got the tailgate party hopping and brought a giant bowl of bean guacamole dip!!  A nice Cincinnati Bearcat family joined us and brought a gallon of Jaeger and we broke out the Hasty-Bake grill!!  Great TU football times even in the PANDEMIC!!

The Cowboys are looking solid to compete for the Big 12 Conference Championship!  Running back not name El Chua seems to be picking up the running game!!  Oklahoma State running back L.D. Bean (not a clothing catalog) runs like he has something to prove!!  He seems to have more of a burst than the Chuba Cobre!  In the 4th quarter Pistol Pete was in a slight skirmish with the Baylor Bear mascot when Pete took his Bear costume head off and put in a concession stand vat of unused nacho cheese!!  No charges were filed!  True Shat!!

Any time the the Hogs win in the SEC it is an upset special!!  The Razorbacks new QB Feliepe Franks threw 3 touchdowns and 1 pick!!  The few pandemics fans celebrated after the game by attempting to tear down the goal post!!  There simply was not enough weight and fans to capsize the goalposts!! SPECIAL RECOGNITION TO MYLES SLUSHER, #2 FRESHMAN FOR RAZORBACKS FROM BROKEN ARROW!  SPECIAL YOUNG MAN AND SPECIAL FAMILY!

Coach Leach is not liked among the snooty, tooty SEC coaches because he implemented something called the run and shoot offense to the conference!  The State athletic department has hired extra retired Secret Service dudes to keep eyes on coach Leach!!  Aggie coach Jimbo Fisher is also hiring extra security from the Aerosmith Band!!  This influx of giant tattooed men in leather is mainly to protect Jimbo from jeers from the irrate A&M fans!!  

Tarheel Coach Mac Brown has his team looking to make the final four in football, not basketball!!  North Carolina QB Sam Howell is hot and has the eye of pro scouts!!

Memphis QB Brady White is a 6th-year senior who is married with three kids and a master's degree since he has been in Memphis!

The Tigers have come down from their college football perch after a third defeat to the Gators!!  Coach Orgeron has a new girlfriend who looks similar to Daisey May at Dogpatch U.S.A., Harrison, Arkansas!

Broken Arrow 45 at Yukon 32

The Union team is having a below-par year and will have to up their recruiting in small-town rural Oklahoma!  The Union linemen seem to have shrunk in size over the latter decade.  Coach Friedrich has to start with the youth football program and rebuild through the Union moms!!!  No more tofu and gluten-free crap for Union toddlers!  Mashed potatoes should be served at every meal for all future Union players!!

Another crazy incident occurred on the bus trip to Southmoore!  The third luxury Owasso football bus was stricken with a severed head according to numerous football players, relating to a scene on Jeepers Creepers 2!!  Fortunately, it was only some kids dropping a pumpkin ? off a bridge!!  Uuuummmm, Pumpkin Man??

Edmond Sante Fe is getting better but not Trojan better!!  Jenk’s QB Stephen Kittle completed 18 for 24 passes and 3 touchdowns!!  The Wolves mascot Delbert Humperdinck has been the man under the costume for 25 years!!  While touring with his dad (Englebert in the 90s) he decided that Edmond was his taste of a town to live in!!  A year later he was introduced to the Wolves mascot costume!!  History was made at Edmond Santa Fe!!  True Shat, Google it Mark Riley!!

The young Spartans head to Sand Springs to fight the Sandites!!  After the game, the Bixby team luxury bus stopped at Billy Rays Catfish and Barbecue!!  After putting away 3 whole hogs and 1000 Catfish the team headed to Bixby feeling full and satisfied!!  Junior Bixby running back Braylin Presley might be the fastest player in south Tulsa, which is fast!!  

BTW 46 at Putman City West 22

Bishop Kelley coach JJ Tapana did the best he could to keep the score down!!  In the second half BK played mostly 8th and 9th graders plus two stoned cheerleaders!!  Not really, JK, JJ!

Sapulpa 55 at Nathan Hale 13

Pryor the home of Chris Taylor super sportswriter, and my mentor, demolished another Tulsa public school team!  Pryor’s offensive line are all corn fed beefcakes and are banned from all, all you can eat Buffets!!

According to my Vegas friends, John Marshall is favored by 8!  My nephew Caleb is a little pissed about his playing time with the Tigers!!  His mother explained that needs to set up a meeting with his head coach.  Caleb and coach met at a steak house in Cushing!  The conversation with Cushing Coach Rusty Morgan was not in Caleb’s favor!!  So the backup plan for my nephew was to offer his mom’s apple ? pie for some consideration for more linebacker playing time!!  Coach Morgan said he would only take cash bribes!! 

The McLain Titans brought some wheels to go against the Broken Bow Savages size!  Broken Bow, whose nickname is not approved by B in T, tried to run the ball and slow down the McLain speed to no avail!!   The Titan players and families stay at some well known local Cabins after the game!!  These Broken Bow cabins are known for Big Foot sightings!!!  A couple of McLain footballers claimed to have seen Big Foot that night!!  After talking with local Squatch hunters this was officially labeled a Pumpkin Man sighting!  A nice road win for the Scotts, sorry, Titans!!

FOS Diner of the Week: Shady Oaks 6515 US Highway 259 Broken Bow, Oklahoma. The fried catfish is made from a secret batter of cornmeal and mountain oysters!!  Shady’s is very well known for being the favorite restaurant of Ron Howard, Hollywood producer-director, and also know as Opie Taylor on The Andy Taylor Show!!

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Great game as downtown Blackwell was getting ready for it's traditional Halloween Moo Ha Ha!!  The Halloween Moo Ha Ha started in 2007, with the Kay Country 4H bake sale to raise money!!  Pumpkin Pies, pecan pies, and other goodies are for sale all during the week of the Blackwell VS Perry week!!  Watch out for the Pumpkin brownies with green seeds!!

The Panama Razorbacks are in a small tiff with the Arkansas Razorbacks with the naming of their team as the Razorbacks!!  The University of Arkansas and its team of 12 attorneys at 350 dollars an hour have been fighting the Panama Razorbacks and their Attorney/Pharmacist/Butcher, Homer Snodgrass, over the Razorback name for 9 years!  Total cost for Arkansas U. - $565,000  Total Cost Panama, Oklahoma  $762 plus 14 thick-cut steaks at Christmas every year until Homer is gone!!

Chiefs38 at Bills 30

Cleveland Quarterback Baker Mayfield and Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger went to dinner the night before a Sunday afternoon kickoff at a place called Altius where bread and water can cost up to 10 dollars!!  No shat!!  Baker looks up to Mr. Roethlisberger as a mentor and tries to emulate him in his daily decisions!!  Ben ordered a steak and lobster and insisted on taking the tab!!  Baker had a Ceasar Salad, water, and 4 tequila shots!!  Ben had 5 tequila shots!!  Baker came out of the dinner date a much wiser young man thanks to his new big brother Ben!!

Bears 31 at Panthers 21 

The new-look QB model Kyler Murray VS the current Cowboy model QB Dak Prescott on Monday Night Football!! Twenty thousand fans were allowed in Jerry World and five thousand press credentials, including Faked Out Sports!!  TMZ did catch the night's best photo when Cowboy owner Jerry Jones was caught taking his teeth out in his luxury suite!!

B, in T

Bobbleheads Are Back!!

FOS Notes:

• 
• FOS Bobbleheads- I have my second youngest Granddaughter training with pumpkins for ? her basketball team!!  Charlotte will be trying out for the six to twelve-month-old league at the Y!  Google it, doubters!!
• 
  
• FOS Top Ten Power Football Teams in Oklahoma:

         2.  Bixby - new national H.S. powerhouse!

         8.  Union 6th grade red- evidently these mighty mights have been playing together since the age of 1!

        10.  Carl Albert - 5A domination! Stayed within 38 of Bixby!!










FOS Next Thunder Coaching candidates:  1.  Bill Self    2.  Becky Hammonds. 3.  Mark Jackson. 4. Chris Paul (player/coach) 5.  Jason Kidd  6.  Michael Meyers 7.  Pumpkin Man. 

• 
• FOS 5 Mascots most resembling B in T college dates:  
•  1. Ralphie the Buffalo

        2.  Bevo, Texas

• 
  
• Either way Texas football still sucks!              VS 
• Texas State Fair smells better with no one in the midway!
• Everyone still meets at big Tex in the middle of the dang fair!
• Either way Texas Coaches still suck!!  The shorthorn coaches can turn a 5-star Texas high school player into an average college scout team ? player!!
• The Bevo poop bag leaks onto the Cotton Bowl carpet with or without Coronavirus!  No shat!?
• Your car can be stolen or you could get mugged in the area surrounding the Cotton Bowl with or without a Pandemic or an Andromeda Strain!!

The battle for top Quarterback in the Big 12 and the Heisman was on display today!!  Rattler and Ehlenger both had great games for OU but Rattler won big!!  Rattler passed for 3 touchdowns and ran for 2 more!!  Ehlenger threw an interception return for a touchdown and had a fumble that set up another Sooner score!!  Oklahoma wideout Charles Rambo who is a distant relative of the retired army hero Chuck Rambo had 10 catches for 146 yards and 2 touchdowns!  

The Aggies needed a hail Mary, last-second pass breakup to upside the Gator boat for an enormous win!!  Aggie QB Kellen Mond, in his 7th year in the Aggie football program, completed more passes than he incompleted and threw two TDs and no interceptions!!  Florida QB Kyle Trask completed 25 of 35 for 2 TDs AND two interceptions!!  There was an incident late in the game where Texas A&M mascot Reveille attacked a Florida player who ended up on the Aggie sidelines!!  Play was delayed while the Gator linebacker could replace the shredded uniform!!

Auburn coach Malzone who has been looking over his shoulder for years, and by beating Arkansas keeps the wolves away for another week!!  Arkansas Coach Pittman is using a combination of freshmen newcomers and upperclassmen to battle the SEC schedule!!  The game was delayed a few minutes when a large Kangaroo hopped on the field and was chased off by Auburn Country Sherriffs with tasers!  

The other Hurricane team in Miami has become so good that they can stay 10 points with Clemson!!  The Coronavirus stadium restrictions finally allowed Clemson female students back into the stadium to oodle at Trevor Lawrence’s backside!!

Georgia fans were very upset with the decision to not have Uga, the mascot bulldog, at any of the home games!!  Uga reportedly was very upset and was put on suicide watch last week.  

Clone Nation was very excited with the huge win over the mighty Red Raiders!!  Members of the Texas Drysdale Boot Bowl and the Lowes Blow Up Inflatables Bowl were in attendance to scout these two powerhouse teams!!  Clone QB Brock Purdy completed 14 passes in a row and 22 of 30 and 2 TDs overall!  Mr. Purdy is considering changing his first name to Ima!!  

Kansas State only brought 42 players to Fort Worth, Texas due to the Coronavirus restrictions.  With several players missing from the Mildcat offense, the players who will remain nameless had their best offensive production of the year!!  After the game, singer-songwriter TCU coach Gary Paterson sang his recently released hit and a number of Mel Tillis songs for the limited pandemic crowd!

Notre Dame QB Ian Book has a lot of Catholic talent, tradition, and money behind him and the program!!  Chubba Purdy is a backup Seminole QB and the brother of Brock (Ima) at Iowa State!!

North Carolina 28 Virginia Tech 27

Faked Out Sports High School picks:

Pumpkin Man was spotted at the Mustang High School Friday handing out mini Little Debbies Pumpkin Pies!!  This immediately turned into a food fight of flying mini pies!!  Mustang Principle Mr. Rogers was hit by 13 mini pies and was in good condition at Mercy Hospital!!  Pumpkin ? Man cannot be found!!  The humanity of this is too much for me to bare!!

Big win for the Union Redbirds!!  The original nickname and the team blowup TeePee had to be discarded!!  The Union band was guaranteed to play the whole Coronavirus halftime and was canceled when the tuba section did not wear pandemic masks!  They were immediately put into Caronavirus quarantine with no visitors for 5 days!

Owasso was up by 46 at halftime and played the freshmen and 8th graders who must weigh more than 190lbs in the fourth quarter!!  A crowd of 3,546 attended the game in Owasso and were treated with a miniature Ram football if under 12 years old!

The Bulldogs of Edmond Memorial came to Broken Arrow early Friday and took a Kraft tour bus to the Gathering Place and saw the sights of Tulsa!!  Made it back for the 7:30 kickoff!!

The Bixby football team is well known for its consumption of beef for it's Thursday pregame meal!  Well, this week Chick-fil-A is sponsoring the Spartan pregame meal and Tyson Chicken is supplying 850 chickens for a total of 4,250 chicken nuggets served on a flatbed truck!!  The young men plucked the heck out of Choctaw!!

Booker T Washington 41 Sand Springs 32

Cascia Hall 41 Vian 31
The Vian Wolverines have plenty of team speed and were ready
for the Commandos!  The the discipline of Cascia set up a victory!
A small disturbance during halftime occurred when a Vian dad shot 
at an elderly Cascia fan in a fur coat from Saks thinking they were a bear!!  The gun was confiscated by Cascia Security!  


Pryor 53 at Hale 6

The Tigers dismantled the Rangers and the clock kept running in the second half for some strange reason!  Mercy please!

Wagoner may put together another 34 game winning streak!!  Catoosa seems to be getting better but not Bulldog better!

A number of Titan alums gathered together for a road trip to Fort Gibson for football and an extreme haunted hayride close to the Devils Cove at Lake Fort Gibson!!  Not only did the McClain Titans lose a close game but they also lost a couple of Alums on the extreme hayride!!  The 2 alums were later found making out in the hay!!  Former OU football and Tennessee Titan star Teddy Lehman (Fort Gibson high school) played the Texas Chainsaw Maniac on the extreme hayride!

The Cushing buses to the Tecumseh Savages stadium were loaded with football players, band members, and students, and a rotten egg bomb was released on the band bus!!  At first, the students and teachers blamed second seat tuba player Bubba Snodgrass, but it was confirmed that a stink bomb was possibly planted on the bus by a Cushing football player!!  The bus was aired out for 30 minutes and the trip to Tecumseh continued!  The culprit remains at large!!

Beggs 36 Metro Christian 16

A tremendous match between two super special sets of Moms!  The bobbing for apples competition was close, the mountain oyster grilling competition was down to the last grilled ball, and the canned peaches were basically a draw!  But the item that separated the two groups of moms was the bird calls competition!!  Numerous Metro Christian Moms are authorities on bird calling and they happen to have the Oklahoma Warbler call champion on their team!! 

Swadley’s Bar B Q. 308 E. State Highway 152, ’The meat on the beef short ribs literally falls off the bone before you get it to your mouth.’  This was a quote from Blake Shelton who once had lunch with Adam Levine and the cast from the Voice at Swadleys!!  

When Tonkawa and the Watonga Eagles get together the fans and players are excited because they are playing for the stuffed Squirrel with the Golden Nut statue that goes to the winning team each year!!  Very true shat!

The Raiders from Vegas running back Josh Jacobs ran over the Chiefy Wiefies like they were Tudor electric football players!  Stiff and frail!!   Raider’s QB Derrek Carr couldn't hit the side of the Goodyear blimp!!

The Browns won the game but lost WR Odell Beckham Jr. for 2 games when the league suspended Beckham for using a mixture of Stickam and molasses on his gloves to aid with him hanging on to the fricking football!!

The Boys basically sleepwalked through this game with CD Lamb and Ezekiel Elliott scoring touchdowns in the third quarter to hold on to the lead!

Never drink and drive bumper cars!

B, in T