Mimi and Papi B in T watched the kids last weekend and two of my granddaughters agreed with Papi on one thing, Shrek should play football for TU!!  Future Tulsa first-round draft choice ‘Shrek’!

Thanks to Ana and Charlie!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Fun at the Tulsa Indoor Football game!

IMG_1904.HEIC

IMG_1900.HEIC

Uncle Bryson is ready for the closest bar!!

Blackwell Flycatchers - Independent League Professional Baseball!!!

After over 6 years of writing various semi-average stories, I am proud to start writing as the beat writer for the Blackwell Flycatchers Independent League -- Tulsa area!!  I have written many stories about the Blackwell Maroons and the birthplace of Mrs. B in T!!  The season starts the first of June and could be amazing for the state of Oklahoma!!  The Pecos League of Professional Baseball Clubs, which few months ago announced plans to create the independent Blackwell Flycatchers baseball team and  will start up for the 2023 season the first week of June!!  League has the following teams in the Mountain Division, which includes the Alpine (Texas) Cowboys, Austin (Texas) Weirdos (all-time greatest name) Tucson (Arizona) Saguaros, Garden City (Kansas) Wind, Roswell (New Mexico) Invaders, Santa Fe (New Mexico) Fuego and the Trinidad (Colorado) Triggers!!

Blackwell’s home opener will be June 6 against the Sante Fe Fuegos at Morgan Field!!  Morgan Field will have numerous updates from the numerous Blackwell citizen bake sales over the last few months!!  A domed stadium was shot down by the Blackwell city council by a vote of 4 to 3 but a group of investors from Tonkawa are attempting to build a domed stadium near downtown!!Tonkawa, per my conversation with one of Jami’s cousins who happens to be the associate Mayor of Tonkawa, has offered some land previously used for illegal crops!!  No shat!!  

B in T Top 10 Best Stadium Nick Names

1.The Swamp-Florida-Florida=Swamp=BIG GATORS=Fear!

2.The Palace on the Prairie-OU-Chasing Joe Washington and Adrian Peterson on the prairies of Oklahoma)

3.The Place where Corn is Shucked-Iowa State-Old field turned to Jack Trice Stadium!  You Clone fan shucking corn:

4.Death Valley-LSU-the name alone is plenty scary!

5.The 12th Man-Texas A&M- I have been at the stadium numerous times but have never met this 12th Man fella!

6.Fort Snyder-KState- Former coach Bill Snyder was alive during numerous Civil War forts!

7.The Bounce House-UCF- Bouncing in unison can be a lot of fun when drunk or stoned!!

8.House Built by Trimble-Jenks High School-Alan Trimble is missed.

9.Between the Hedges-Georgia- the hedges have saved many players from the wire fence and wall BUT lots of chigger bits from the hedges!!

10.The Kids House-Tulsa-Small field recreating the Tulsa Skelly field for kids to play ball!!  Real field turf too!!

Ranking new and old Big 12 and SEC coaches in a last-man-standing wrastling match:

1.Brent Venables, Oklahoma eats nails with Tabasco sauce during OU spring game!

2.Sam Pittman, Arkansas- Old-time offensive line coach and ex-wrestler has heavyweight wrestler girth!

3.David Aranda, Baylor- way too quiet, once looked at a ref over a bad call and made him cry!!

4. Mark Stoops, Kentucky -Youngstown, Ohio born, the Stoops brothers cleared out barrooms in Youngtown by simply walking in!!

5.Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss, not a fighter but a great runner, all of the coaches cold knock the snot out of him but can they catch him........probably not!!

6. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State, all-state wrastler from Midwest City, and during a press conference once put a journalist in a sleeper hold when he did not like the question!  Believe to have saved his wrestling tights from high school!

7. Kirby Smart, Georgia, wrestles alligators on the off-season!

Lower half-

130. Gus Malzahn, Central Florida, demeanor is too metrosexual for wrestling!

131.Nick Saban, Alabama, too old, his wife can put him in a arm bar!

132. Extended to the entire college football association, dead last Lincoln Riley USC - he wears skinny jeans when sunning at Santa Monica beach, no lie Google it!  Ha!  Wrestlers do not wear skinny jeans!!

MLB 

Cardinals

Superstar and future Hall of Famer Paul Goldschmidt is trying to put the Cardinal 14 games under the .500 record on his back by hitting 3 home runs a game!!  The other future Hall of Famer Nolan Arenado is coming back hard and starting to pound homers!!  Arenado has 7 homers in a 5 game span against Detroit and Milwaukee!! OMG!

Flycatchers

Blackwell's home opener is next week!!  Hunting season will have to take a back seat for 60 days to pro baseball!!

Cubs

Chicago cubbies are hovering around 20 wins and 20 losses while Chicago bars are packed with Cub fans celebrating .500 and planning a ticker tape celebration on Rush Street!!

Rangers

The first-place Rangers are pounding the baseball like the OU girls are massacring the softball!!

Royals

The Royals vs Cards I35 series is close with .355 to .350 lead winning % not batting average!

Ha.

Astros

With my Stros at .500 and my Cards tanking, my beloved family in Houston have told me to take all my Astro mancave pictures down or move from Tulsa to Houston but then retracted stating that having me living within the same state would be bad!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Mimi and Papi B in T watched the kids last weekend and two of my granddaughters agreed with Papi on one thing, Shrek should play football for TU!!  Future Tulsa first-round draft choice ‘Shrek’!

Thanks to Ana and Charlie!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Fun at the Tulsa Indoor Football game!

IMG_1904.HEIC

IMG_1900.HEIC

Uncle Bryson is ready for the closest bar!!

Blackwell Flycatchers - Independent League Professional Baseball!!!

After over 6 years of writing various semi-average stories, I am proud to start writing as the beat writer for the Blackwell Flycatchers Independent League -- Tulsa area!!  I have written many stories about the Blackwell Maroons and the birthplace of Mrs. B in T!!  The season starts the first of June and could be amazing for the state of Oklahoma!!  The Pecos League of Professional Baseball Clubs, which few months ago announced plans to create the independent Blackwell Flycatchers baseball team and  will start up for the 2023 season the first week of June!!  League has the following teams in the Mountain Division, which includes the Alpine (Texas) Cowboys, Austin (Texas) Weirdos (all-time greatest name) Tucson (Arizona) Saguaros, Garden City (Kansas) Wind, Roswell (New Mexico) Invaders, Santa Fe (New Mexico) Fuego and the Trinidad (Colorado) Triggers!!

Blackwell’s home opener will be June 6 against the Sante Fe Fuegos at Morgan Field!!  Morgan Field will have numerous updates from the numerous Blackwell citizen bake sales over the last few months!!  A domed stadium was shot down by the Blackwell city council by a vote of 4 to 3 but a group of investors from Tonkawa are attempting to build a domed stadium near downtown!!Tonkawa, per my conversation with one of Jami’s cousins who happens to be the associate Mayor of Tonkawa, has offered some land previously used for illegal crops!!  No shat!!  

B in T Top 10 Best Stadium Nick Names

1.The Swamp-Florida-Florida=Swamp=BIG GATORS=Fear!

2.The Palace on the Prairie-OU-Chasing Joe Washington and Adrian Peterson on the prairies of Oklahoma)

3.The Place where Corn is Shucked-Iowa State-Old field turned to Jack Trice Stadium!  You Clone fan shucking corn:

4.Death Valley-LSU-the name alone is plenty scary!

5.The 12th Man-Texas A&M- I have been at the stadium numerous times but have never met this 12th Man fella!

6.Fort Snyder-KState- Former coach Bill Snyder was alive during numerous Civil War forts!

7.The Bounce House-UCF- Bouncing in unison can be a lot of fun when drunk or stoned!!

8.House Built by Trimble-Jenks High School-Alan Trimble is missed.

9.Between the Hedges-Georgia- the hedges have saved many players from the wire fence and wall BUT lots of chigger bits from the hedges!!

10.The Kids House-Tulsa-Small field recreating the Tulsa Skelly field for kids to play ball!!  Real field turf too!!

Ranking new and old Big 12 and SEC coaches in a last-man-standing wrastling match:

1.Brent Venables, Oklahoma eats nails with Tabasco sauce during OU spring game!

2.Sam Pittman, Arkansas- Old-time offensive line coach and ex-wrestler has heavyweight wrestler girth!

3.David Aranda, Baylor- way too quiet, once looked at a ref over a bad call and made him cry!!

4. Mark Stoops, Kentucky -Youngstown, Ohio born, the Stoops brothers cleared out barrooms in Youngtown by simply walking in!!

5.Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss, not a fighter but a great runner, all of the coaches cold knock the snot out of him but can they catch him........probably not!!

6. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State, all-state wrastler from Midwest City, and during a press conference once put a journalist in a sleeper hold when he did not like the question!  Believe to have saved his wrestling tights from high school!

7. Kirby Smart, Georgia, wrestles alligators on the off-season!

Lower half-

130. Gus Malzahn, Central Florida, demeanor is too metrosexual for wrestling!

131.Nick Saban, Alabama, too old, his wife can put him in a arm bar!

132. Extended to the entire college football association, dead last Lincoln Riley USC - he wears skinny jeans when sunning at Santa Monica beach, no lie Google it!  Ha!  Wrestlers do not wear skinny jeans!!

MLB 

Cardinals

Superstar and future Hall of Famer Paul Goldschmidt is trying to put the Cardinal 14 games under the .500 record on his back by hitting 3 home runs a game!!  The other future Hall of Famer Nolan Arenado is coming back hard and starting to pound homers!!  Arenado has 7 homers in a 5 game span against Detroit and Milwaukee!! OMG!

Flycatchers

Blackwell's home opener is next week!!  Hunting season will have to take a back seat for 60 days to pro baseball!!

Cubs

Chicago cubbies are hovering around 20 wins and 20 losses while Chicago bars are packed with Cub fans celebrating .500 and planning a ticker tape celebration on Rush Street!!

Rangers

The first-place Rangers are pounding the baseball like the OU girls are massacring the softball!!

Royals

The Royals vs Cards I35 series is close with .355 to .350 lead winning % not batting average!

Ha.

Astros

With my Stros at .500 and my Cards tanking, my beloved family in Houston have told me to take all my Astro mancave pictures down or move from Tulsa to Houston but then retracted stating that having me living within the same state would be bad!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Mimi and Papi B in T watched the kids last weekend and two of my granddaughters agreed with Papi on one thing, Shrek should play football for TU!!  Future Tulsa first-round draft choice ‘Shrek’!

Thanks to Ana and Charlie!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Fun at the Tulsa Indoor Football game!

IMG_1904.HEIC

IMG_1900.HEIC

Uncle Bryson is ready for the closest bar!!

Blackwell Flycatchers - Independent League Professional Baseball!!!

After over 6 years of writing various semi-average stories, I am proud to start writing as the beat writer for the Blackwell Flycatchers Independent League -- Tulsa area!!  I have written many stories about the Blackwell Maroons and the birthplace of Mrs. B in T!!  The season starts the first of June and could be amazing for the state of Oklahoma!!  The Pecos League of Professional Baseball Clubs, which few months ago announced plans to create the independent Blackwell Flycatchers baseball team and  will start up for the 2023 season the first week of June!!  League has the following teams in the Mountain Division, which includes the Alpine (Texas) Cowboys, Austin (Texas) Weirdos (all-time greatest name) Tucson (Arizona) Saguaros, Garden City (Kansas) Wind, Roswell (New Mexico) Invaders, Santa Fe (New Mexico) Fuego and the Trinidad (Colorado) Triggers!!

Blackwell’s home opener will be June 6 against the Sante Fe Fuegos at Morgan Field!!  Morgan Field will have numerous updates from the numerous Blackwell citizen bake sales over the last few months!!  A domed stadium was shot down by the Blackwell city council by a vote of 4 to 3 but a group of investors from Tonkawa are attempting to build a domed stadium near downtown!!Tonkawa, per my conversation with one of Jami’s cousins who happens to be the associate Mayor of Tonkawa, has offered some land previously used for illegal crops!!  No shat!!  

B in T Top 10 Best Stadium Nick Names

1.The Swamp-Florida-Florida=Swamp=BIG GATORS=Fear!

2.The Palace on the Prairie-OU-Chasing Joe Washington and Adrian Peterson on the prairies of Oklahoma)

3.The Place where Corn is Shucked-Iowa State-Old field turned to Jack Trice Stadium!  You Clone fan shucking corn:

4.Death Valley-LSU-the name alone is plenty scary!

5.The 12th Man-Texas A&M- I have been at the stadium numerous times but have never met this 12th Man fella!

6.Fort Snyder-KState- Former coach Bill Snyder was alive during numerous Civil War forts!

7.The Bounce House-UCF- Bouncing in unison can be a lot of fun when drunk or stoned!!

8.House Built by Trimble-Jenks High School-Alan Trimble is missed.

9.Between the Hedges-Georgia- the hedges have saved many players from the wire fence and wall BUT lots of chigger bits from the hedges!!

10.The Kids House-Tulsa-Small field recreating the Tulsa Skelly field for kids to play ball!!  Real field turf too!!

Ranking new and old Big 12 and SEC coaches in a last-man-standing wrastling match:

1.Brent Venables, Oklahoma eats nails with Tabasco sauce during OU spring game!

2.Sam Pittman, Arkansas- Old-time offensive line coach and ex-wrestler has heavyweight wrestler girth!

3.David Aranda, Baylor- way too quiet, once looked at a ref over a bad call and made him cry!!

4. Mark Stoops, Kentucky -Youngstown, Ohio born, the Stoops brothers cleared out barrooms in Youngtown by simply walking in!!

5.Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss, not a fighter but a great runner, all of the coaches cold knock the snot out of him but can they catch him........probably not!!

6. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State, all-state wrastler from Midwest City, and during a press conference once put a journalist in a sleeper hold when he did not like the question!  Believe to have saved his wrestling tights from high school!

7. Kirby Smart, Georgia, wrestles alligators on the off-season!

Lower half-

130. Gus Malzahn, Central Florida, demeanor is too metrosexual for wrestling!

131.Nick Saban, Alabama, too old, his wife can put him in a arm bar!

132. Extended to the entire college football association, dead last Lincoln Riley USC - he wears skinny jeans when sunning at Santa Monica beach, no lie Google it!  Ha!  Wrestlers do not wear skinny jeans!!

MLB 

Cardinals

Superstar and future Hall of Famer Paul Goldschmidt is trying to put the Cardinal 14 games under the .500 record on his back by hitting 3 home runs a game!!  The other future Hall of Famer Nolan Arenado is coming back hard and starting to pound homers!!  Arenado has 7 homers in a 5 game span against Detroit and Milwaukee!! OMG!

Flycatchers

Blackwell's home opener is next week!!  Hunting season will have to take a back seat for 60 days to pro baseball!!

Cubs

Chicago cubbies are hovering around 20 wins and 20 losses while Chicago bars are packed with Cub fans celebrating .500 and planning a ticker tape celebration on Rush Street!!

Rangers

The first-place Rangers are pounding the baseball like the OU girls are massacring the softball!!

Royals

The Royals vs Cards I35 series is close with .355 to .350 lead winning % not batting average!

Ha.

Astros

With my Stros at .500 and my Cards tanking, my beloved family in Houston have told me to take all my Astro mancave pictures down or move from Tulsa to Houston but then retracted stating that having me living within the same state would be bad!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Bryan in Tulsa

At a record of 124 and 1 the Oklahoma Softball team is larger than life!!

NOTE to readers (all 18 of ya):

My happy meds have been adjusted slightly to transform my early morning moods from silly to solum (Jami insisted I was too happy too early in the morning)thus you have some Blog ewwwy gewwwwy stuff as below:

I have recently started thinking of friends, family, and readers I have lost since writing this faked-out football sports stuff.  My dearest brother-in-law Mike was like a brother to me and made numerous comments about my wrong football picks, passed away suddenly 2 years ago.  I miss the comments, Mike, but I still can look at your comments in my blog history or Microfiche!!  Numerous loved ones and friends have passed away too young while some of my older 90s-plus fans have passed as well!!  I value the remaining time and laughs that the blog may have given those close to me over the years!!  RIP Mike, Stella, and friends from the Center like Ed, and Jessica, Lambda Chi Brothers, Geordie, Mike, and Steve, and all others who are remembered in the archives of this Blog!!❤️

OK enough ewwwwy gewwwy stuff, back to some sports shat!!!

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobblehead Family

Jordan’s first baby boy!  Notice Montgomery’s expression after he discovered the St. Louis Cardinals are in last place on his birth date!!  OMG!  OMG!

IMG_5145.heic

Center Scoop

Look forward to the Center Twisters twisting some more victories at the Garden State Games in Topeka, Kansas - on July 8 and 9!!

 B in T Rants

Ranking Top 5 College B in T Power 5 Campuses!

1.Arkansas

Gameday - envision rolling hills, frat boys in red 3-piece suits calling the hogs, and young sorority girls wearing nothing but cowboy boots and hog hats!  Great atmosphere and is somewhat exaggerated in my 17-stroke memory!!  Hehe

2.Iowa State

The most beautiful tailgating

scenery in America with candy red and yellow as far as the eye can see!!  Only interrupted when my Clone friend throws up on my TU coat!!  Clone fans are rabid!

3.Texas A&M

Unbelievable scene when before the game you can tailgate with star Houston Astro Carlos Correa and pre-party the night before with Von Miller All-Pro DE from A&M!!  True story!

4.Oklahoma 

The scenery is fairly decent for a quaint college town but the impressive number of Heisman statues puts the OU campus in the top 5!!

5.Oklahoma State

T Boone Pickens statue with Eskimo Joe’s cheese fries stuck on it makes this a top 5 destination!!

*Houston - dead last of 64- Tulsa Community College, in downtown Tulsa, is 10 times nicer!!

I love my Redbirds when they win!!

B in T Top 5 Nonpower 5 Campuses

1.Tulsa 

I originally was not going to have Tulsa in the survey due to the fact I have been accused of being a huge homer!  What - ev - er!  But the Tulsa Campus is the Quaintest Cutest Campus in the world according to the Cool Campuses of America Website!!  So it must be ranked numero uno!!

2.Hawaii 

Honolulu - nuf said

3.SMU

The SMU fans are Hell Demons on acid but the campus is super pretty from what I remember......when sober!

Great cheerleaders!

4.Air Force

An iconic part of history.  So majestic and breathtaking!!

5.Notre Dame (I don't consider them power 5, they are in their own little conference island)  I have been accused of never picking ND for any wins or top B in T-10s!!  Haha, a top 5 at last, for the Irish!!  Alas, ma laddie This campus of tradition and nostalgia looks even better to TU folks after a 28 to 27 upset victory!!

I am waiting on my beloved St. Louis Cardinals to put together a 15-plus-game-winning streak........waiting

.............waiting..........and waiting.......till Christmas.....

then till 2024 ?????!!

The Tulsa Drillers and the Memphis Redbirds are my new besties!!

After the Oklahoma spring scrimmage, did I really hear chants of ‘Peyton Bowen for 2024 Heisman’?  The true 5-star freshman from Plano, Texas looked like a heat-seeking missile at safety AND made an NFL interception against the first-team O!!  He will be an All-American but no Heisman winner!!  Haha!

Media behemoths have hit the portal!!

Fox and CNN Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon have both hit the college football portal to look for employment!!  

Can't wait for NFL football!

These are really cool neighbors!!

One of the big surprises of the draft had to be Will Levitz not being picked in 1st round!!  But the hugest surprise of all time has to be the movie star-looking, babe sitting next to him!  R U kidding me, while disappointingly being dropped to the second round his red-hot girlfriend's eyes were looking elsewhere for a single first-round draft pick!!  He left Kansas City to watch the second round in the friendly confines of his parent's house!!  His girlfriend stayed in KC to sign with a modeling agency and a sugar daddy!!

Hehehehehe!!

MLB

Cardinals

My fav Cardinal Jordan Walker was sent to AAA Memphis to let the other 4 Outfielders have some space!!  Are u fudging finding me??!!  Are we running a major-league baseball team or a timeout with 4th graders at Hoover Elementary School?  Start with Mozalic the GM and fire everyone that does not have ownership ties to the Cardinals!!  The Birds are 10 games under .500 and fans are looking for blood!!

Cubs

The Cubbies are ten games ahead of the Cards in the standings and I have heard nothing from my Cub fans!!  After all these years of getting in the little Cubbies' faces and finally, the Cubbies are winning and no lip from the Flubby fans?!?!?  This means that they either do not read my column or they are woosies and have no ca hones!!  

Astros

Left-handed Tasmanian Devil Framber Valdez is nasty with a 2.45 era but only 2-3 record!  Framber needs to find the right chamber to dismember the opponent!  Rhymes?  Ha!

Rangers 

Josh Jung has 23 RBIs and is the earliest a rookie has had that many Ribbies!!  At 19-14 the Rangers are hanging tuff bro!

Royals

The Royal blue of KC, are 8-24 and are staring at last place in the AL Central!

Brewers

At 19 wins and 13 losses, the Brewers are in first place and have the Cards in their rearview mirror approximately 3 light years behind!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

B in T Draft Projections:

1st Carolina- Bryce Young- Kyler Murray like QB without the arm!

2nd Houston - CJ Stroud QB Ohio State to bolster my son’s favorite team to a 2030 Super Bowl Championship!!  Perfect NFL Run/Pass/Option QB!!

3rd (trade) Indianapolis - Anthony Richardson Florida-the next Cam Newton??!!

Bryan in Tulsa:

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobblehead Family Sports:

I have not written about my daughter Maddie in a bit and I would like to announce to all of my readers that Maddie is a new RN at the Saint Francis NICU in March!!!!  She celebrated by having Ricardos Mexican Cantina, then playing 

18 holes of golf at the Broken Arrow Golf and Athletic Club, and finally her first back-to-back-to-back shift at Saint Francis NICU!!!  Very exciting first day but she cannot do Ricardos Burritolata the day before Golf and first shift!!  So proud of her and her Hubby who has some news that I will share in next week's blog!!

B in T Rants:

Football Recruiting ROI (Return on investment) dollars-

Money spent on Recruiting in 2022:  

*Oklahoma spent 2.6 million buckaroos recruiting and a 6-7 record is not reflective of 4th highest money spent to get 4, and 5 ⭐️s WHICH is also not considered a good ROI, another 6-7 season will have the heat revved up for OU’s coach BV!

*Oklahoma State spent 400k ish dollars on football recruiting in 2022!!  Rutgers was No. 11 nationally and No. 2 in the Big Ten in recruiting expenses!!  Only five SEC schools spent more than the Scarlet Knights, who haven’t had a winning season since 2014!!  Very sucky ROI (return on investment) for Rutgers has almost doubled its recruiting budget to $1.61 million since Greg Schiano returned for his second stint as coach!!  Can u say bye bye Rutgers AD and coach!  Conversely, Oklahoma State, Iowa and Wisconsin have routinely played into the Top 25 polls during the season despite being among the thriftiest spenders in recruiting the last ten years!!

Lowest power 5 recruiting expenditures per our TMZ sources!  Mike Gundy should be AD!  Or Govenor of Oklahoma, or maybe the new Director of the NCAA alignment to oversee NIL Expenditures!!  Per my TMZ correspondent, coach Gundy is considering running for Prez in 2028!! 

*Tulsa spent an undisclosed amount 2022- Costs are said to be close to 100k per year plus a 25k yearly grant from Uber for recruiting trips!!  Great idea!!

??Tulsa Uber Girl Football Recruit Ride!??

*Arkansas spent 1.2 million on recruiting in 2022, a moderately low amount in SEC standards!  Of course the big perk here arrives with air transportation from Tyson Chicken’s Jet, Rob Walton CEO Walmart’s Jet and Bill and Hillary Clinton’s Piper Cessna!!

Tyson Chicken’s Learjet G12

BOOM!!

More than one in five TU students is a National Merit Scholar or National Achievement Scholar- believed to osbe the highest percentage of ANY university in the US!!  The current Lambda Chi Alpha has a 3.6 GPA, and 50% of our Pledges, sorry Associate Members,  are National Merrit Scholars!!  In the late 70s, the % of Merrit Scholars took a huge hit on the Lambchops percent!!  A pandemic of deviants joined TU frats at this stage and Tulsa was one of the top drinking/party schools in America!!  Grades suffered but fun was amazing in the late 70s early 80s at Tulsa University from my recollection!

B in T Top Ewwwwy Gewwwwy

Feeling Traditions on football Saturday!!

1.

Dotting the i at Ohio State, I get goosebumps and I don't even know where Columbus is!! Haha

2.

Arkansas Calling the Hogs, nothing like 70k folks yelling Pig Sooooey in hog snouts!!

3.

Clemsons Howard Rock:

When the Clemson team gathers to run down The Hill, the players rub Howard’s Rock because of the mystical powers it is supposed to give Clemson players. The rock is mounted on a pedestal at the top of The Hill and was given to Coach Frank Howard by a friend (S.C. Jones ’19) who picked it up in Death Valley, Calif. The Rock was first placed on the pedestal at the top of The Hill on Sept. 24, 1966, a game Clemson won 40-35 over Virginia. The team started rubbing the Rock for the first game of 1967, a 23-6 win over Wake Forest on Sept. 23, 1967!

The Tradition Continues!

4.

Oklahoma’s Boomer Sooner Schooner- so cool to watch the mini horses and wagon run on the field after each Sooner touchdown!!  Although the opponents secretly wish for the Schooner to tip over gently one more time!!

5.

Va Tech Enter Sandman - 

Metallica’s and B in T’s greatest rock song ever!!  My son, Lance and I would play this song before football practices in our ‘99 Suburban!

65k Hokie fans jumping up and down to Sandman, spitting out fire ? is a great sight to behold!!  

6.

Kinnick Wave, Iowa

When the Kinnick clock hits zero, at the end of the first quarter, 70,000 Hawkeye football fans turn their attention from the field to the Stead Family Children's Hospital!!  In unison, they wave to the pediatric patients and their families watching the game!!  More goosebumps!!

Should have been 1st!

7.

Texas A&M 12th Man

Where did the 12th Man come from??  I have been to numerous games but I have never inquired about it's origin!!  My super duper, beloved Aggie fan relatives have never explained this great story!!  Shame on them!!  Well, in 1922, the heavily outgunned Aggies were facing the top-ranked Centre College Praying Colonels on the gridiron in the Dixie Classic in Dallas!!  An Aggie by the name of E. King Gill, a squad player for Texas A&M’s football team, was up in the press box helping reporters identify players on the field below and what was happening on the field wasn’t pretty!!  The Aggies found themselves plagued by injuries, with their reserves seemingly dwindling with every play!!  As Texas A&M Coach Dana X. Bible(tuff name to live up to) looked across his rapidly emptying bench, he suddenly remembered Gill’s presence in the stands!!  BIBLE found a Savior!!  Bible waved Gill down to the sideline and told him to suit up!!  Gill ran under the bleachers and put on the uniform of injured running back Heine Weir, who had been knocked out of the game in the first quarter!!  This shat really happened, I was there!!  Hehe!

Gill returned to the sideline, where he stood ready to play for the entirety of the game!!  When the last play was run, the Aggies found that they had pulled off one of the greatest upsets in college football history, winning the game 22-14!!  Gill never played but was allowed to keep the jersey!  But a TRADITION was created!

8.

Oklahoma State’s Eskimo Joe’s Cheese Fries-  OMG!  This tradition has been high-octane food for Stillwater for 100 years!!  

9.

Florida State Seminoles-

Arguably the greatest spectacle in college football unfolds moments before kickoff at Doak Campbell Stadium when Osceola charges down the field aboard Renegade, a beautiful Appaloosa, and plants a flaming spear at midfield prior to each home game. This tradition is a tribute to the great Seminole Tribe of Florida. 

Arguably the greatest spectacle in college football unfolds moments before kickoff at Doak Campbell Stadium when Osceola charges down the field aboard Renegade, a beautiful Appaloosa, and plants a flaming spear at midfield prior to each home game!!. This tradition is a tribute to the great Seminole Tribe of Florida!!

10.

OU/Texas Tradition

Fake Cop on way to the Cotton Bowl for Sooners vs Longhorns!  The Atoka, Oklahoma police department has a replica copper dummy that has caused 1,436,300 break pumps over the last 10 years according to my intense TMZ survey!!

Center Vibes:

The week before the tournament: 

Each player has certain ‘oddish rituals’ before big Boccia match:

Steven - has stomach issues so before each 1st match of the Tourney he chugs a 12-ounce bottle of Mylanta (strawberry flavored) to the cheers of his teammates!!  Chug, Chug, Chug!!!!  Go, Steven!

Pam V. - she goes into each Boccia match with limited confidence but somehow wins!!  Great tactical maneuver by the sly Pammy!

Rose- tells the entire KC Regionals USA staff and opponents that she has never played this tournament before and sneaks up and wins a medal!!  Watch her and the ‘woe is me poor little Rose’ pre-game ritual!! 

Lee- This odd pre-match ritual involves his Dallas Cowboy doo rag, Dallas Cowboy PJs and a prayer to the Jerry Jones Gods!!  This never works and Lee, like his vaunted Cowboys never finishes in the top 10!!!

Tempest- at previous Boccia tournaments she wears giant bunny ears during her first game!!  A tradition that her roommate Stephanie will wear this year!!  

                      Stephanie

B in T MLB

Cards

The Cardinal fans in the Yuppyland Section of Busch Stadium are now wearing cardinal red paper sacks over their heads, a la Saints!

Starting straight at trading, Goldschmidt, Arenado and Walker for an entire pitching staff, the Birds have a high propensity to suck a lot!

Cubs

The Roof Top crowd across Waveland Ave was recently shut down for 1 week for mooning and boobing the young crowd in Wrigley Field!   Most of the young Cubbies were brought to tears when the Roof Top section was closed for one long week!

Rangers

The starting pitching staff with DeGrom added has put this an 85 to the 90-win season!

Royals

Kauffman Stadium is beautiful but the team playing in the stadium is not!!  One more 65-win season will bring new management for 2024!

Astros

Yordan Alvarez of the Stros is so big and powerful he once scared a charging bull in it's tracks by simply showing his batting stance!  The big bull  bully fainted!  True shat!!  

Brewers

The Brewers are again out in front of the Red Birds in the early going, but Bud Light and Busch Light take longer than Pabst Blue Ribbon and Old Milwaukee beer to get moving!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Kyler Murray from OU will be given a 20 ft Heisman Trophy statue unveiled during the Sooner spring game this Saturday in Norman!!  Next year former OU QB Jalen Hurts will be given a statue for being as rich as shat after signing a 255-million-dollar contract with the Philadelphia Eagles!!

???????????

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobbleheads:

Baby boy Phillip Montgomery (yes - the same exact name as last year's TU football coach) is scheduled for stork arrival into the first male edition of the Reimer family in late April!!  BASICALLY NOW!!  This will be the 7th grandbaby for Mimi and Papi B in T and only the 2nd boy, thank you Gussy?!!  Most of the girls are destined to be soccer players, football placekickers, football linemen(Elliott), or cheerleaders!  Phillip is destined to be a professional Ultimate Frisbie player, a rock climber, a nuclear physicist, and last but not least a Boomer Sooner!!  Both parents are Sooner Born and Sooner bred!!Congrats to Jordan and Clark!!

Boomer Sooner Dude!

Center Scoop:

B in T Boccia:

With our journey to Kansas City only 2 weeks away I would like to give an Injury update:

Sheri (Roys's Caregiver) - tripped one of Roys's opponents and broke her big toe, so we now have a caretaker for Roy and a Caretaker for Sheri's big toe, AMAZING!!  Roy will play but Sheri is questionable!

Sherri - busted nail on throwing hand- a very tuff gal!

Game time decision for coach Margie!!

Bryan - pulled groin - a big wussy - probable - suc it up buttercup!

Lee - has anxiety issues with wife being replaced by Bryan in hotel room for two evenings in Kansas City, probable with proper medication and a lullaby by roommate!!

Margie - having to watch this moody group of Boccia Gods and Goddesses Probable, local CVS Pharmacies are on high alert ⚠️!!

These two dudes are a couple of the best in the World!!  But let me assure you that they don't scare the Center group at all!!  I will be right behind all of you guys, especially Keith!!  Sheri will put a pot, not on your noggin!!

B in T Rants:

The Tulsa Driller organization is the creme De la creme of minor league baseball!!  They recently announced Tulsa Oilers gear and special Oily days at the ballpark!!  

B in T Opinion:

If hush money is to make you quiet then what is the money for Stormy to portray?  Loud money, head ‘n sand money, or possibly hey let's let the world know we don't care about money!!

B it Ts ‘I told u so guy’ St. Louis Cardinal’s 20-year-old Dave Winfield lookin’ dude - Jordan Walker!!  And Fam in da stands!

The Birds of Red may suck lavishly but this stud is fo real!

Batting 7th and 8th, .276 with 3 dingers and 11 RBIs!!

Renovation for Johnson Park!

A new bond issue to improve Johnson Park at 61si and Riverside could make this park a destination park in Tulsa!!  A 3 million and 5 million dollars 

Johnson Park is near 61st and Peoria!!  It’s going to be something that the neighborhood will be proud of and the community as a whole can be proud of,” said Tulsa Parks Director Anna America!

The City of Tulsa is planning to put $3.1 million into the park to transform it and is asking the community what facilities they would like!??  How about some Disney-themed rides such as Moana and Frozen, possibly use some of the old Bells Amusement Park equipment and recreating the roller coaster ride Zingo!!  Naaawwww.  I am maybe positively almost certain that the ride would pass all the inspections required!!  It is thought to be a 50/50 shot that the rusty old 1961 Zingo equipment can be refurbished!!

BREAKING:  New York Police have listed Trump’s weight as 270 pounds!!  Could be an Edge DE at Tulsa or Oklahoma!!  Looks like Oklahoma State and Mike Gundy are the leading candidate for Trumper's football services!!  

OSU football spends the lowest amount of any Power 5 school!!  300k lower than the second lowest in the old Big 12 (10) AND the second lowest in the new Big 12  --  >>> is the OSU Cowboys of Stillwater not of Columbus, Big 10 fame!!

Makes you wonder how good Oklahoma State could be if that staff and administration invested more resources into recruiting!!  Or find a caveat in T. Boone’s estate the allows for a few more million a year for Cowboy recruiting or NIL donations from the Trust?!?!

Cowpoke recruiting classes continually rank anywhere from 35 to 60 and they may be the strongest team of the new Big 12!!   12 or 14???  I forget!

MLB

Dodgers and Brewers

Los Angeles Dodgers TV sideline reporter David Vassegh shattered his arm and pride last year in August!!  He was quickly waived by the Dodgers and picked up by the Brewers at the season's end!!

Vasseghs new outfield gig as Brewers outfield announcer!

My brother, Tre has loved the Dodgers since he was three and could throw a slider with both his left and right arm, AT THE SAME TIME!!  No shat, STG bro! (swear to God)!  He is now a Brewer fan due to waivers of the poor Dodger reporter dude!!

Cardinals

My prediction of stardom for 20-year-old Jordan Walker is possibly the only prediction I have made accurately!!  A 10-game hitting streak to start his major league career was amazing!!  I just purchased my own Father's Day present, a 5XL Jordan Walker jersey!!

Cubs-

Without Kyle Hendricks, the Cub's current rotation is similar to the local Elmer Fuckwinkle High School’s rotation in Chicago!!  Hendricks has been out since June 2022 and has recently started some throwing off the mound!  With him in the rotation I will give the Cubs a 1 out a 100 chance to play in the World Series, without 1 out a 2.56 billion!

Royals-

The Royals are off to a poopy typical start and superstar Bobby Witt Jr. has demanded a trade!!  Attendance is lagging and the local USA Regional Boccia tournament is drawing better crowds!!

Rangers

CF Aldonis Garcia is heating up and the Rangers are looking at Nathan Lowe to be an All-Star!

The Rangers’ Garcia came out of a 0-16 slump with a grand salami against the As!!

Astros

Our Altuve doll, which was given to us from our amazing Houston family, is missing since the arrival of our puppy Australian Sheppard dog!  Since the arrival of Kodak, he is so cute you want to take a Kodak picture, I have constantly been checking for Astro Orange in his poop!!  My guess is Altuve doll was carried off by a hawk!!

Have a great sports week!

B in T

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobbleheads:

FC Tulsa club has inked 14-year-old Tulsa native Renan Mendoza to an Academy deal for the 2023 US Championship season, making Mendoza the youngest player in franchise history to sign a contract with FC Tulsa!  This deal was reported to be worth 500k with unlimited soccer balls at Tulsa’s Soccer Shack!!  The young man took the whole Union High School soccer team to Mcdonald's!  FC Tulsa 

is also scouting an 9-year-old rising star from Carnegie Elementary via Metro Tulsa!! FC Tulsa has offered the phenom 500 new series Hotwheels Monster Trucks and finally 200 bags of Easter Peanut M&Ms for his agent, Papi B in T!

Gussy Tourihno!!

Center vibes:

USA Boccia 2023 Regionals in KC update:

Thanks to a lot of my 14 (up 2 from 2022) readers' donations, the Center for Physically Limited Individuals will be taking a full team to Kansas City on May 6, 7, and 8!!  Such Center Boccia players like Steven the ‘Ramp Machine’, Lee ‘Boccia Maniac on Wheels’, Bryan ‘the Foghorn Leghorn’,  

Roy ‘the Rookie’ and his aid Sheri ‘don’t play with me’!!

We also have Keith ‘the Hammer’, and the nice Sherri ‘Wonder Woman’ will be there in spirit which we can hear all the way from Tulsa!!  Prayers for a complete recovery for Sherri with 2 r’s!!

Newcomer Charlene Ball Smasher will make the trip with her hubby who lovingly gave Charlene her that team nickname!  We will strive to bring back trophies and get no one evicted from the building during a game!  Three weeks till Boccia fun in KC!  Thanks to all my 13 readers for giving the Center some love and prayers!!

B in T Rants:

A couple of political dignitaries were at the BOK Center last month to meet numerous wrestlers with the glad hand!!  Ex Prez Trump whom was a pro wrestler in the LeeRoy Magirk era, fought in the pro wrestling circuit back in the 60s!!

Leprechaun Returns is not a happy-go-lucky movie about Lucky Charm cereal!!  It consists of a Green furry Tasmanian devil-looking creature with shark-like teeth and bad breath!!  

For bad teeth see Dr. Richard Stephens, Tulsa!

Way to frickin’ early top 15 2023 Oklahoma high school football teams:

1.Bixby 6AI

2.Union 6AI

3.Washington Warriors 2A *many exNFLers sons on the team!

4.Stillwater 6AII

5.Broken Arrow 6AI

6.Noble 5A

7.Carl Albert 5A

8.Jenks-6A

9.Tuttle-4A

10.Muskogee-6AII

11.Heritage Hall-2A

12. Tonkawa A

13.Cascia Hall B

14.Ringling -8 man football

15. Tushamingo- 7 man and 1 woman football

More preseason polls football polls coming!

The Redbirds have a star in Lars Nootbar if he gets off the IL and plays!!  The Cards are in need of some SWEET wins!

Tulsa Hurricane's new mascot will be a combo of the following former mascot dudes:

1.

Huffy

2.

Captain Cane

3.

Troll Doll Herc the Jerk

The projected millennial Captain Cane:

Very yuppyish!!  With a pinch of GQish!!  The new GQ Captain Cane!!

B in T MLB 

Cardinals

The Clysdale Bombers as the St. Louis Cardinals are affectionately known, have hit 37 home runs in their first 14 games!!  They have surrendered 47  home runs bro!  Google it!  Dare ya!  A 4-8 record will not make Cardinal Nation happy!!

Dodgers 

Nothing much happening here, looks like another ho-hum, come up short year!!  The team did get some new Dodger Murse travel gear!!  My brother is a huge Dodger fan and has 7 murses, not nurses!  Go, figure bro!!

Cubs

The chants of’Cody Belanger MVP’ are bellowing through the drunk-on Bud Light section of the bleachers at Wrigley!!  Hopefully, they can celebrate a .500 record in 2023?!

Astros

Right fielder Kyle Tucker is off to a hot start!!  He will be the larger version of an Altuve doll on roids!!

Royals 

Lorenzo Cain is to sign a 1-day contract on May, 7th so he may retire a Royal!!  The Royals are in negotiations to keep him for the remainder of the season and bat cleanup!!  No shat!

Rangers

The Rangers started the season hot and then realized this was also still May flowers ? but soon it will be time to start drinking warm Coors Light in 100-degree temperatures!!

Brewers

The Brewers are looking tough and should be sliding down the home run slide many times this year!! Currently, Bernie Brewer slides down a plastic white slide, and no longer into a giant mug of beer but onto a platform in the shape of home plate when a Brewer hits a home run, while a sign tower with Bob Uecker's trademark home run call ("Get up, get up, get outta here, GONE!!") lights up above the Dugout!!  If a visiting team hits a home run the team mascot must slide into a tub of blue slime sponsored by CBS morning Co-host of CBS and CBS Sports Analyst Nate Burleson and digital superstar Charli D'Amelio will embark on a Slime-till u puke adventure as co-hosts of Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards 2023 in March!  

Have a great sports week!

B in T

 Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

B in T Rants:

Who loses their phone the most in 38 years of marriage - Husband or Wife?

Mrs. B in T  - called her phone to find her phone:

11,245 times lost in 38 years of marriage!  I have phone records and records of phone calls!  I have 4,731 pink fricking memo pad notes saved before cell phones even existed!!

*Where found-

*Toilet - lid was down!  Go figure!

*Purse - a very large purse!

*On top of the automobile- maybe not sure

*Restaurant - 80% of total   number above!

*papa’s favorite liquor store!

*her favorite seat couch crack!

Papa B in T

*10 times lost in 38 years of marriage 

*Where found:

-always up Papa’s bu_ _ crack

according to Mrs. B in T!

-in Papa’s Troy Aikman pajama pocket!

-next to the big screen remote

Mrs. B in T losing first I IPhone 20 years ago!

Nicaraguan pitcher                 , struck out three Detroit Tigers, bam, bam, bam, then after the game was signed to a Tiger contract for 2023 and ‘24!!  Looks like a movie to me!!

Joe Exotic running for President in 2024!! 

Looks like we will have found a candidate that is trustworthy and not senile!!

Rumors abound regarding ORU starting a Division II football program with home games to be played at Victory Christian High football field!!  You may send in new ORU football nicknames care of B in T at PO Box 1, RR 1, Blackwell, OK!!

Names: so far-

*The Prayer Tower Powers

*Monks

*Friars Tucks

*Goliaths (my fav)

*Red Sea Parters

KEEP THOSE SUGGESTIONS COMING!

The St Louis Cardinals' new cult hero from Japan is setting his native country on fire!!  Left-handed OF cranked a few homers for the Cards in 2022 at the major league club but is slated for starting in RF in 2023!!

Nootbaar is the first non-Japan-born player ever to play for the Japanese national team!  He was born and raised in Los Angeles but is eligible to play for Japan because his mother, Kumiko, is from Higashi-Matsuyama, Saitama Prefecture!!  Nootbaar's middle name is Taylor-Tatsuji, and his maternal grandfather, Tatsuji Enokida, still lives in Higashi-Matsuyama!!  The Nootbaar Candybar will soon be on Shark Tank!  

*He is currently on the 10-day IL

Taylor Swift's nightmare release with Ticketmaster was supplanted only by the Oklahoma spring game in 2023!!  With the debut if the Kylar Murray Heisman bust debut Ticketmaster was overrun by millions of Sooner fans to get this 15$ ticket!!  Crying Sooner fans all over the world were devastated to learn that Ticketmaster had oversold 200,000 tickets to the Sooner spring fling game!!  Taylor Swift fans at OU can't shake off bad blood with Ticketmaster!!

My NCAA Bracket was so bad that my final score was defeated by the following:

*Mrs. B in T - didn't know she was in the frickin contest

*Three of my grandsons - baby Hans has not even been born!

*My Uncle Fred who passed away 37 years ago, not funny fam

*2345168espnbracketnerd

*7639214espncocainehead

*Mrs B in T’s old boyfriend from Blackwell, not sure how in the heck he entered into the contest!!

I have done my last bracket!

Ever!

Center News:

Boccia Ball update:

First of all thanks for all of those superstars who gave to help the team with their tournament trip costs!!  You have directly helped the Center for Individuals with Handicaps in Tulsa!!  Any complaints about the popcorn should be sent to P.O. Box ITSFORCHARITYBRO

RR 1, Blackwell, Ok

Bobbleheads:

B in T MLB

Cardinals

With the Redbirds farm system ranked in the top MLB 5, a number of local Post Dispatch folks are picking 20-year-old Jordan Walker to be the NL Rookie of the Year!!  The next 6’6” 250 lb Dave Winfield was seen using a bat as a toothpick during a spring game in early March!!  

Cubs

Third baseman Patrick Wisdom as a cleanup hitter sparks little fire in AAA baseball and none in the majors!!  

Astros

Second baseman David Hensley is no Altuve cuddle doll but will be serviceable until the All-star break!!  Prayers for the tiniest thumb in Houston!

Dodgers 

The Dodgers are only the 10th highest payroll in 2023 at 179.1 million!  Astros and Rangers at 9th and 8th highest payrolls!! At the upper end of the spectrum with the big dog media markets of the Yankees and inthe Mets spending around 300 mil on payroll!!  

Royals 

The Royals' payroll has been the smallest in baseball but with the new injection of owner John Sherman in 2019 the spending sprockets have moved them up 10 spots!!

Rangers

Arlington, Texas can be hellishly hot in August, and that is when the Rangers start sweltering and tanking!!  

Brewers

Abner Uribe (named after Abner Doubleday) throws 103 MPH, and is destined for AA ball until he masters the strike zone!!

Have a great sports week:

Tulsa Football Fan Fest April 1, do not confuse with April Fool's day!!  No spring game, just a scrimmage and an introduction to the new Coach Kevin Wilson Era!!  The events will include the following:

Meet and greet the new coaches and players, kids games, face painting, nude blue and gold Mazzola wrestling(adults only), The 70s Kiss band's last performance with the Branson Ballknobbers as the warm-up band, and free calendars of shirtless TU assistant coaches for each month of the year!!  The first 1000 folks get the TU hunks calendars first!!  Get there early ladies!!

Tulsa football will do what it can to get the fans out for football!!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Updates from our Boccia correspondent, Bill Bocciarhia, next week!!

B in T Rants:

Tulsa University basketball has endured a very shatty 2022-2023 season but not nearly as shatty as the Louisville Cardinals!

TU record 5-25 vs LU 4-28!  B in T and a friend went to the Tulsa senior night and were shocked to learn that this was not senior citizens get in free night!!  Ha!  Tulsa has one senior on the basketball team!  Is the fact that these players will be back a good or bad thing?  Buuuuuuut the Louisville Cardinal senior night was something for the ages with respect to basketball halftime shows!!  Of course, you can't go wrong with a frisbee and a dog!!  Unless the dog takes a massive shat on the Denny Crum court!!  And in mid-frisbee flight, omg!!  True story!  No shat!  Google it!  That's weird!

*Notice he leaves the poor frisbee by itself with the poop!

Original King Kong movie, 90 years ago, was a great flick from what I can remember watching!  Hehehe

Thanks, Mr. Trammel!

I believe I watched this at the Bowman Twin Theatre on 31st and Sheridan with a coupon for 25 cents from the Tulsa Tribune!!

I just discovered that my 1-year-old granddaughter has the same size diapers as I do! 

We are a very efficient family!

Heated Turf could be a possible link to brain cancer.

The Philadelphia Inquirer has just concluded a detailed investigation regarding 6 players who died of brain cancer on the Phillies baseball team in the early 2000s to current!  No players from the cold weather season Philadelphia Eagle football team has been affected by brain cancer.  Just the warm weather heat of summer baseball.  The Inquirer reported that the rate of brain cancer among former Phillies who played at Veterans Stadium from 1971-2003 “is about three times the average rate among adult men.”  The players are

The turf at Busch Stadium in St.Louis had reached the 142 degrees on one day in 1970 when a young B in T was on the field with his polaroid camera!!The Associated Press reported that a thermometer placed in Busch Stadium's artificial surface revealed a ground-level temperature of 152 degrees. 

This warning sign at a local little league should have been used on a larger scale now and then.

Early Father's Day gift!

Pooper picker upper cart!

Bobbleheads:

If your little one has a poopy diaper and won't stay still, then get a TU fluorescent light for only $19.99 and sleep all night!!  All donations will go to the new indoor football facility at Tulsa University!  Come on all you young TU yuppsters with 1 or more rugrats, bite the bullet and send $19.99 to Tulsa Indoor Football Facility

Care of: Mikie Dodson TU ‘80!

NCAA Basketball Tourney:

FINAL FOUR!????

WHO!??

Almost perfect B in T Bracket:

FAU 71 San Diego State 68

Florida Atlantic a future opponent of TU, has one of the best Oceanographic school in the world!!  To play basketball at FAU u must be able to hold your breath underwater for 17 minutes at a depth of 3 football fields!!  True shat!!  The FAU Owls will deep-dive against the Miami Hurricanes for the National Championship of college basketball ?!!  My bracket was busted when I picked up my laddie ✏️ pencil to fill out my stinkin' first, pick!!  I hate brackets!!

Miami Hurricanes 81 UConn 72 

The Miami Hurricane coach is so cool!!  He coached in the final four 25 years ago when the baggy shorts look was hot!!  Coach Jim Laragana who resembled a poor man's, Jim Boeheim, outcoached UConn's coach Dan Hurley!!

B in T MLB:

OPENING DAY!

Cardinals

Guillermo Zuniga was clocked at 102 mph on 3 pitches thrown in a one-inning stint against the USA!  After watching him with the 2022 Tulsa Drillers, Zuniga should be a good closer for the Springfield AA team or the Memphis AAA team!  Control could be a concern!

Cubs

A young Chicago Cub Board member, Jim Wrigley the 5th, objected to a vote for a sale of the team to the My Pillow dude!  The board then reminded him, the Wrigley family has no voting rights!  The motion to sell to Pillow God passed and looks like Free Pillow Day at Wrigley in 2024!  And the Cubs lost their 12th straight opening day!!

Rangers

In the last two year's the payroll under new ownership has gone from big- to obscene contracts to players — Jacob deform, Marcus Semien, Corey Seager, Jon Gray, Nathan Eovaldi, Andrew Heaney — and convinced World Series-winning manager Bruce Bochy to come out of retirement!

Dodgers

Regarding the starting rotation, Julio Cruz is da main man!!  The rest of the rotation stays Dustin May, who starts Saturday’s getaway day came against the Royals at Camelback Ranch, will start the second game of the regular season, followed by Clayton Kershaw, Noah Syndergaard, and the fifth starter who according to my sources has just come out of retirement, yes Dodger great Fernando Valenzuela!!  

Royals

Zach Greinke for the second straight year is the opening-day starter!  Then an average older rotation makes young arms like Bubic and Lynch very important!

Brewers

The Brewers Christian Yelch is starting his tenth season of roaming the Brewer’s Beer Garden in centerfield!!

Astros

To replace Altuve for 2023 the Stros have brought Craig Biggio out of retirement!!  

Have a great sports week!

Arkansas Coach Musseless is no shirting the crowd to the final four??

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Center Scoop:

The Center Art class is the bomb, dope and really neat dude!  Thanks to Lisa, the Art director that we hired from France, I now spend my time attempting to not suck in finger painting and clay!!  I am very quiet in this class to keep my artistic balance in sequence with my unfound talent or, lack there of!!

B in T Rants:

Ole Miss Rebels fired head coach Kermit Davis, unrelated to Kermit the Frog, after the team tailspin, and replaced him with a Tulsa native!!  Win Case, from Nathan Hale, OCU coach in the 80s, and a Bill Self-Paul Hansen protege will be the interim coach and should be the HC in my very humble opinion!

Bobbleheads

Weekend Papi CANDY tour:

Haircut - ? chocolate kisses

Bank drive-in - 3 Suckers

Papa's toes done AKA Pedicure - gum drops 

Center front desk - candy easter eggs from Donna 

*Papa’s Monday weigh-in - bathroom scales must be wrong!

B in T Projected opening day lineups:

Cardinals:

Edman 6

O’Neill 8

Goldschmidt 3

Arenado 5

Contreras 2

Walker 9

Nootbaar 7

Gorman DH

Donovan 4

Dodgers:

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

Cubs:

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

I suggest skipping this next part and going straight to the funny sports!

B in T Mission Statement

After my stroke 10 years ago I started the sports writing stuff!  I always loved the Thursday football picker in the Tulsa World, so I kinda extended that into my writing!  I have had help from the best, Barry Lewis, Bill Haistens, Guerin Emig and Jimmy Trammel to become less sucky!  My one-day shot in the Pigskin Picker Thursday's football section has not happened yet but B in T has been quoted in the sports section a few times!!  Close enough!!  I like to write youthful vibes and maturing, old fartish vibes as well!!  I even have a few 90ish-year-old readers, friends, and relatives who are dear to B in T, and although we just lost great aunt Stella to the pearly gates; Boston College Bill, Aunt Pat, Uncle Thurston, and Uncle Jerry they are all still feisty as ever!!  I am blessed to have youthful readers below 40 years old who find this style of writing somewhat dope!!  Making this wide spectrum of folks take time out of their day to read and laugh is the B in T Mission Statement!

Just Announced: Classic 2024 will be at Grand Lake!  This year’s fish-a-thon is at Tennessee River in Knoxville!!  The fish weigh-in is expected to reach 40 tons of bass!!  The 2024 Grand Lake Classic, according to my fishing expert, Doug in Indiana, is expecting a 50-ton total from Grand!!

Silicone Lip Kissing over the Phone!

My first and only reaction to this is GROSS!

A new device out of China allows couples to share a kiss with "real" physical intimacy from anywhere in the world!

The device, which attaches to your phone, is equipped with a silicone mold of a person's lips that has sensors and actuators to mimic an actual kiss from your loved one!!  

Testosterone Levels for Dads:

(Research donated by the Center staff)

Normal - 350 to 500

Very High - 1,000ish

Example 1:

Dad taking their daughter to her first ballet recital and requested to wear a pink shirt to match the Tutu:   Testosterone Rating - negative 12

Example 2:

Dad taking 5-star stud son to Oklahoma recruiting day, meeting with 5 OU coaches, athletic director Castiglione, OU Pom Pon cheerleader, and a final meeting with Barry Switzer, and Bob Stoops!

Testosterone Rating - 2,500

B in T Sweet Sixteen Picks

Kansas State 76 Michigan State 72

This is as close to a team as B in T has left in the final 16 of this year’s ravaged bracket!!   One of my best besties once walked on at Mildcat U football in 1979!!  This young man survived 3 days in Manhattan, Kansas heat upon retiring from his football career!!  Close enough for homering for KState!

Arkansas 81 Uconn 70

The shirtless wonder, from Arkansas, coach Eric Musseless has had numerous sponsors request NOT to be seen in any pictures with said coach after further NCAA wins this season!!  After a hog win over the Huskies of UConn all hog staff will be authorized to take coach Musseless out with a tazor zap upon any indication of stripping!!

Is that Oliver Miller next to coach Musseless?

Texas 71 Xavier 66

Wake up all my Longhorn fans, we are one win from the final four!!  In BASKETBALL!!  It has been centuries since Texas has been relevant in basketball and decades since relevant in FOOTBALL!!  So live it up for one more week!!

B in T MLB

Cardinals

The Wainwright fastball has maxed out at 85 mph with the USA team but has confused the international batters with his 67 mph off-speed stuff, for now!!  Strongest arm on the St iorsLouis Cardinal team, not 101 mph closer Ryan Helsey, and not 103.5 mph reliever Jordan Hicks!!  Twenty-year-old rookie SS Mavis Winn (who has been mentioned a few hundred times in B in T) throws harder from short than any player ever recorded!!  In the minors last year he threw 101 mph to 1B which is equivalent to 105.8 mph off of a mound!!

I told u!

Cubs

The Cubs starting pitchers led by Stroman and Hendricks must have an ERA of 1.00 to offset their endemic offense and horrid relievers!!  If this ‘never been done before anomaly ‘ occurs the Cubbers might reach .500 in 2023!!

Rangers

With Simeon, Seager, Lowe, and Garcia at 1, 2, 3, and 4, and who knows at 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, the group of 4 will have to knock in 225 runs.......apiece!

Dodgers

Loss of Belanger heart ❤️ throb has cost the Dodger's marketing department millions of jack!!  The season ticket allotment for young ladies has dropped drastically to 68 from 4,575 young spice girls since Bellager’s departure!!  Total Dodger imaging income dropped 375% after Belanger’s bye-bye!

Royals

Catcher Salvador Perez not only is an All-Star catcher but has a giant outdoor grill cook-off at the end Royal spring game, for the entire farm system!!

Brewers

Astros

Bad news when the lovable Altuve was nailed on his wittle bitty thumb by a 96 mph fastball in last week's exhibition game.  He is expected back by the All-star break!  Good luck little fella!!  By the way, aunt Donna from Houston locked herself in the bedroom with a wine box for 3 days after the news of Altuve’s injury!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa