B in T Note to file:

On a normal Thursday, there are 4,367 Vasectomies scheduled in the United States!  On the First Round NCAA tournament Thursdays, there are 110,432 Vasectomies scheduled!!  In Tulsa, u can get a misdemeanor citation for fake Vasectimy scheduling!!

B in T NCAA first-round picks are guaranteed as far ‘as you can throw them’ my great aunt Jewell would say back in the day!!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobbleheads

SHHH DON’T TELL MOM!

My oldest granddaughter Ana hung out with Mimi and Papi last Friday!!  I Love it cuz she is 6 and no need for Glade spray from poopy diapers!!  We warned her that we would run some errands and she was dope with dat!!!  Soooo.....first stop bank drive-thru and cherry ? lollipop candy given to Ana and Papi, then get Papi's feet done AKA pedicure and peppermint candies from my friends at KV Nails, THEN off to get Papi's haircut with 5 mini Hersheys for Papi and Ana from Clays and finally off to drop Papi to the Center where giant Hershey candy bars were on sale for 50 cents from Donna at the front desk!!  What a sweet day for Ana!!   

Center Scoop:

More Boccia Ball updates next week!!

B in T Rants bout nuttin':

The OKC Thunder are the youngest team in NBA history and are playing fun and inspired basketball!!  But the pastel fire coats have got to go!!  Quit trying to look like Joe Namath!! 

Actually, Josh Giddy looks pretty dope at the young NBA star's game!

Is Texas Tech hiring playboy coach Rick Pitino!???!  

Who cares!

The McClung kid that won the NBA slam dunk contest looks like a young man from the Downtown Tulsa Y that I used to school (body up) once a week 35 years ago!!  Time to end the slam dunk contest once and forever!  How about a tall men's runway fashion show instead!!

White Men Can't Jump??

Presidents who played football:

   Joe Biden, Air Force

Best coaching name in the NFL:

Jim Bob Cooter

New Offensive Coordinator for the Jacksonville Jaguars!

Pictured here with cousin Gomer

Not Pictured:  cousin Kevin Highland

Are KC Chiefs Mahomes side arm no-look passes being replicated by middle-schoolers!?!?  John Unitas is up in high-top shoes football heaven shaking his head as he sees youth sport QBs trickery a la Mahomie!!  My research tells me that the youth QBs would rather learn the no-look-pass rather than the fundamentals of passing in my 1970 Johnny Unitas Learn to Pass book in my man cave!!

Tulsa Football plays the Owls in three straight games in 2023!!  Temple Owls-9/28... FAU Owls - 10/7 -off date- Rice Owls 10-19!!

Former Oklahoma State Linebacker Malcolm Rodriguez from Wagoner High School led the NFL rookies in tackles for losses with 12!!

Mrs. B in T's college alma mater, the Wichita State Shocker, is the number 1 ranked college bowling team in the nation!!  Not a lot of partying in Wichita so bowling is THE sport in town!!  Shocker basketball and baseball no longer matter!!  Oklahoma Christian University is ranked 10th in the latest Net Ranking college bowling poll and both teams are ranked far ahead of Arizona State and Notre Dame in the top 50!!

NCAA Tourney Picks:

First Round March 16, 17

ORU 87 Duke 85

The 7’8” ORU center,  had the first-ever quadruple-double, 29 points, 17 rebounds, 13 blocked shots (you’d think they would learn), and 10 elbow dunks!!  The Dukies were way overconfident and lost a 14-point lead in the last 3 minutes and 45 seconds Max A. went 3-pointer berzerk with 4 unanswered daggers!!

Arkansas 73 Illinois 70

The Razorbacks are good opponents for the Kansas Jayhawks in the second round!!  They must get past the Illini first, and Terrence Shannon Jr.!  If Shannon scores more than his average of 17.1, they win, if not, they lose!!  

Kentucky 71 Providence 54

Georgetown is all over the Providence Air Fryar coach Ed Cooley and offered him a 5-year contract for 20 million bucks immediately after the loss!!  His mind must have been elsewhere a la ex-Sooner Lincoln Riley!!

Iowa State 78 Mississippi Pittsburg winner 72

Love the spunk of this Iowa State team!  They seem to excel in tournament time and should make the sweet sixteen according to my inside Clone sources who can be persuaded with money and alcohol!!  The Clone backcourt will run either team off the court!!  Pittsburg, coach Capell III formerly of OU, deserves to win one over Mississippi State!!  The Bulldogs who I had no clue had a varsity team, lost valiantly coming up short with on a three at the buzzer!!

Kansas 91 Howard 68

Bill Self was back on the bench and celebrated by purchasing new suits for his 16 assistant coaches, 6 trainers, and 4 broom sweepers under the goals!!  All were purchased from Ed Besheras in Tulsa!!

Kansas State 82 Montana State 79

Montana State has three players recruited from the Bozeman, Montana downtown YMCA!!  No shat!  Also good to know that Bozeman, Montana and Manhattan, Kansas have the great arctic weather that they share in common but not the player athleticism!

Texas A$M 68 Penn State 66

The Aggies have more talent in their cheerleading squad than the Nittany Lions have in their basketball team!

Iowa 81 Auburn 72

The Hawkeyes boys are getting prepared for the Dance by scrimmaging the Hawkeye girls!!  The men only average 2 inches taller per player!!  Watch out for Hawkeye women!!  Lots of hippyish women in Iowa!  They are mean!!  

B in T MLB

Cardinals

Oft-injured 2022 Redbird starting pitchers Steve Martz and Jack Flahnery look sharp!!

Cubs

Yesterday Ex-Dodger slugger Belanger hit a 445-foot dinger and then struck swinging 4 times!!  The Cubbies look strong........not!

Bob C.- hahaha

Rangers

The Rangers need one more starter like deGrom or Martin Perez to be a challenger!!

Dodgers

The 2023 AA Tulsa Drillers will be better than the AAA Oklahoma City 89ers!!  The Drillers will be stacked like the beautiful Raquel Welsh - RIP

Love the Drillers but no fondness their Dodger Blue affiliation or of Tommy Lasorda's waddle to the ump show back in da day!!

Royals

The Royals are possibly moving to OKC in 2025 according to my TMZ sports contacts!  Tulsa will then become the AAA team for the OKC Royals!!  Google it!  Hahaha!

Brewers

The Brewers will be like a pesky nat bugging the Cardinals in 2023!

Astros

So far in spring training ball, the Astros are the Cardinal’s biiiiooootches!  Good thing the ‘Stros are in the weak AL!

Have a great sports week!

Wednesday Edition!

From the corporate offices of Bryan in Tulsa, I am sending each subscriber a dozen chocolate donuts!!  No shat!

????????????

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Center Stuff:

USA Boccia Ball Regionals in Kansas City, May 6, 7, and 8!!!  

The entire Tulsa Center for the Physically Limited is wetting their pants after finding out when the tournament date is AND that there will be a variety POPCORN ? FUNDRAISER!!  Many of my 19 readers or followers as they are now called, helped raise money by purchasing bags and bags of popcorn so we can dominate in the USA Boccia trials in Kansas City!!  We THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts ❤️!!!  I have recommended that we take 2 stretch handicap stretch limos with margarita and cappuccino machines with the funds!!  Thank so much to Margie and Wendy for putting popcorn money to good use!!

Hahaha!  Just kidding, or not?!?!  

B in T Rants:

RPOs:  What are they?!?   I took a survey of old farts - 60 plus years of age and over with the top 3 answers:

-Aliens

-Medicine for constipation

-Registered Republican   Oddball- RPO

No not these!

RPOs are known to football nerds as RUN PASS OPTION!

A QB within seconds has the option to fish or cut bait with each mode a road to the end zone!  Todd Monken was recently hired as an OC for the Baltimore Ravens straight from the Georgia Bulldogs!!  His college RPO style will now fit into the Raven's offense and stud QB Lamar Jackson!!  Numerous NFL teams are using the RPO offense ie:  Eagles and QB Hurts, Cardinals and QB Kyler Murray!  The projected top three QBs in the 2023 draft are RPO-style players, Anrhony Richardson, Bryce Young and C J Stroud!!  

More spy balloons were shot down over Canada, England, the USA, and Woolarock, Oklahoma!  No shat folks!!  Reports from White House press state that trigger-happy President Biden has shot down numerous balloons at a balloon festival at Woolarock, Oklahoma!!  So far Biden has shot down 4 weather balloons ?, 2 spy balloons, 2 Paw Patrol balloons, and a Goodyear blimp!!  Tragic, but no injuries, and while numerous countries are on Defcon 2, last issued during the Cuban missile crisis in 1962, and numerous lawsuits are being compiled as we speak!!  Thanks to the Biden administration for their delayed and then panic-ridden response Paw Patrol balloons being shot down in cold-blooded murder!!  Numerous toddlers and parents are facing years of recovery from seeing the Paw Patrol missile incident!!

I am tremendously upset regarding the ‘You Suck D---’ sung, in harmony, by the Oklahoma State Senior Citizen Posse Club!!  The Kansas preppy freshman guard Grady Dick seemed to thrive on the Dick chants!!  Really the only thing I am upset by; is that I did not think of the chant!!

At one time OSU Cowboy basketball team was 9-8 and 1-4 in the conference!!  The current team has an 16-14 record and an 7-9 conference mark with a 48 NET ranking!!  The return of a healthy 7’1” center Cisse’ is a human flyswatter and once blocked a ball out of GIA into a pitcher of Busch Lite at Eskimo Joes!  But a losing streak at the end of conference play have the Pokes looking at the NCAA from the outside!  Look for the Pokes to have a scary time getting in the tourney unless they get hot in the Big 12 Tournament!

What really happened according to my sources:

See below⬇️

The suit sitting behind the young lady just had some jalapeno chili cheese fries and had tremendous gas!  Plus she thought the guy in the green beanie was an actor and does not know who LeBron James is!!

The movie Nope is dope bro!!

Explanation:  Unknown, must be high to comprehend, Mr. Peele is a genius, or UFO on ‘roids!

B in T MLB

Cardinals

Wainwright’s fastball topped at 85mph, curve at 68mph!

Right-hander 21-year-old Tinker Hence (no relation to Tinker Owens) fastball never went below 96 and his sinker drops down to hell and back as my Uncle Jeff used to say!

Jordan Walker will start in left field on opening day and be the Rookie of the year in NL!!

Cubs

SS Dansby Swanson will be the leadoff and steal 35 bases this year!

Rangers

P Jacob deform can be nasty and if healthy can be the no. 1 of the staff but that is a huge IF bro!

Dodgers

The Dodgers lost SS Lux for the year after planting to stop while running the bases 2nd to third.  Out for the year, sad!  The Cards have 3 second basemen the would trade for deGrom!

Royals

The Royals have more talent in their AA Northwest Arkansas team than their major league team!!  Seriously google it!  After Bobby Witt Jr., in KC, the next-best player is in the minors!!  

Brewers

The Brew Crew will be the only threat to world baseball domination by the Cardinals!

Astros

The Stros should win the AL the pennant in 2023 again!!  Altuve will be the lovable stuffed doll/player that Aunt Donna and Uncle Howard will worship every day through the ‘23 year season!!  Too bad the Cardinals will win the World Series in 2023!!

B in T College Basketball Picks

CONFERENCE TOURNAMENTS:

Big 12

Phillips 66 Tournament

In Kansas City- second home for the Kansas Jayhawks!  Ha! Ha!

Oklahoma 71 0klahoma State 70

Both area teams have had a Jekyll and Hyde season!  In continuance Oklahoma wins the last Big 12 season and goes to the Big Dance!!  While Oklahoma State is the last team picked for the 2023 Big Dance!! 

Iowa State 78 Baylor 75

The Cyclones Jaren Holmes like his predecessor Caleb Grill have both been dismissed from the team for unknown reasons.  In each case, the Cloners have rallied to win!!  Who will be dismissed next to ensure the victory!!

AAC Tournament 

Dickies Arena Fort Worth

Tulsa 67 Wichita State 65

Major upset which could push TU into the national spotlight!!  And again this is a homer pick and a blue and gold unicorn could make an appearance at halftime!!  No shat!

SEC Tournament 

Nashville, Tennessee

Arkansas 83 Auburn 80

Razorbacks Nick Smith scored 26 points, grabbed 5 boards, and managed 4 assists as the Hogs overcame a 17-point-second half defect!! 

Bobblehead Sports:

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

New to B in T: 

The Center Scoop:

Nude Pickleball is highly recommended for folks like myself who are disabled physically!  The feeling of freedom flows through you as you hit the ball with this massive paddle!  Nude Pickleball has become a massive hit to all the retirement communities in Florida!!  A full-fledged proposal for Nude Pickleball will be completed and presented to the Center Board in 10 days!!  We are prepared for some sass from the board regarding nudity and are prepared to wear undergarments, tidy whites, thongs, or speedos!  Stay tuned for the Center board and Wendy's counter-proposal!!

Dilly dilly!

B in T Rants bout nuthin’

Pac-12 commish George Kliavkoff visiting SMU Wednesday, sources say the Ponies are heading to the PAC-12!!  San Diego State & SMU are the top Pac-12 expansion candidates!  As a TU alum, I will miss the SMU rivalry!!  But they will never take away my memories of puking in the SMU Lamba Chi attic two years in a row!!  Oh, those were da days!!  Bye-bye SMU!!  ??

Can we get Jarred Hall, McDonald All American possible, TU signee for 2023, and the best high schooler in Tennessee, please do not sign with Wake Forest!!  

Top 5 NCAA College Football

2022 Recruiting Budgets:

1. Georgia, $4.5 million

2. Texas A&M, $2.98 million

3. Tennessee, $2.92 million

4. Texas, $2.44 million

5. Alabama, $2.32 million

Others of interest:

1. Oklahoma's $1.8 million

 24.  Oklahoma State $1.2 million

 26.  Arkansas $1.125 Million

 89.  Tulsa Union $189,000

 98.  Cascia Hall Tulsa $146,000

 133.  Tulsa University $99,000

Ozzie, Willie, and Vince!!

These 3 gentlemen made opposing pitchers shake in their booties while averaging 7.6 home runs a year!!  “A walk to any of the 3 amigos below was as good as a triple” the late Jack Buck would say back a few decades ago!!  How many know the last names of these St.Louis Cardinal stars?

..................times up Smith, McGee, and Coleman!

The Oklahoma City Thunder offense sucked last year, in fact, dead dog last, worst in the NBA or Mars!!  Awwwww but wait:  This this year, like sunshine and dew drops glimmering in the morning hours, the Thunder rank 11th (from 30th!) well above average!!!  The Thunder’s stud 6th man, Isaiah Joe, leads the NBA in 3-point percent, is one reason the team is flourishing in 3s!!  This is reminding me of an old Thunder team with Durant and Westbrook, and Harden off the bench for instant offense!  Soon they may even start winning!

How many of my 16 readers are having Bacon-wrapped grasshoppers for the March Madness parties??

B in iT College Basketball 

picks:

ORU 89 - any team bad enough to play 18-0 Summitt League king ORU in the first round - 52

Kentucky 78 at Arkansas 76

The Kentucky players were given a police escort after the controversial win!!  The Kentucky coaches were on their own!!  Don't worry, the coaches were later found at a local Fayetteville tavern!!  The Tavern shall be nameless!!  

TCU 74 at Oklahoma 71

Sooner Nation is reeling after the 6-7 football team and the 13-15 basketball team continues underachieving!!  I have always said Oklahoma is a softball school!!

Oklahoma State 82 at Texas Tech 76

Oklahoma State and ORU are the shining stars of the once-prosperous college basketball state!!  OSU plays with the Red Raiders for too long but won by 6 while leading by as many as 17!!

B in T MLB

Cardinals

New catcher Wilson Contreras, known as a powerful hitter with average defensive skills, is fitting in well with the Bird pitching staff!!  Forty-something, future hall of famer Adam Wainwright,  loves his grit and agility behind the plate for a big fella!!  The Cardinal bats are a bit quiet in the spring after a week but it is early!

Cubs

Braves SS Dabny Swanson signed a big deal with the Cubbies and led all of the NL SSs with 27 home runs!!  177 million reasons for the Cubs to like this young man!

Rangers

A healthy utility player deluxe, Brad Miller will be crucial for the Rangers this year!  Only playing sparingly after injuries in 2022 he should have a solid season after a new yoga/pilates workout in this off-season!

Royals

Time for Bobby Witt Jr. to flourish and be a leader for KC!!

Brewers

UCLA stud OF Garrett Miller hit two homers in his first spring game!!  Watch out for this ie stud!  6’3” 228 lb Centerfielder is dope!

Dodgers

The Dodgers are loaded in the pitching department and have a hitting machine in OF Mookie Betts!!  Belanger is gone and no longer a heartthrob to the young Dodger fans!!  Male and female alike!

Astros

The Stros fans are having a ceremony to hang the 2022 World Championship Banner!  The little train ? in centerfield will raise the flag after each Stro homerun in 2023!

Have a great sports week:

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

New to B in T: 

The Center Scoop:

Rumors are circulating that our Adaptive Softball Coach has been offered a 4-year contract to coach at another facility in Tulsa!!  Details are still coming from our sister station TMZ, but a contract in the 100s has caused our coach to move on to brighter wheelchair horizons!!  Good riddance to this young lady!  Just like when Benedict Arnold-Lincoln Riley left OU football to go to Southern Cal, so must we hire a new wheelchair softball coach!  Don't let the bat hit you in the rumpus on you way out!

B in T Rants bout nothin'

Top 10 Tunes on B in T’s Walkman while working out at the Center for Individuals with Disabilities:  HA!

1 Jimmy Eats World - Something Loud

2 Boston - Feelin’ Satisfied

3 Foster the People - Worst Nights

4 The 1975 - I'm in Love with You

5 Dan Gokey - Love God Love People

6 The 1975 - The Sound

7  The Black Keys - Wild Child

8  Wilderado - Surefire- local studs

*9  Every Disco song ever made

*10 Any REO Speedwagon song ever created or thought of

What's wrong with this?

-Mrs B in T thinks my meds are effed up

-My 4 adult kids think I am going through a phase

-My Grandkids think I am cool

-My friends blame it on over-medicating!

The old Catdog cartoon was really cute for my kids back in the late 90s!!  Of note, over the years each of the kids ask where does Catdog go to the bathroom, Dad??  My response was a firm......Go ask your mom!!??

The OKC Thunder team that beat the Lakers on TNT national television as Lebron James set the all-time scoring record was the youngest team in the history of the NBA!!  

Bixby super stud forward Parker Freiderichson has de-committed from Notre Dame! 

All TU can offer him is a good solid degree in mechanical engineering, with no NIL deals, just free Coneys at Coney Island on 11th Street!!  The young man from Bixby will make appearances before games!  Coneys before major college basketball games can cause digestive problems for the young man!!  Looks like Wake Forrest may be the front-runner!!

Who is the girl in the Nissan 

commercials?!  Brie Larson of Captain Marvel and Avengers fame!!  She can melt you with her X-ray eyes and will sell you a 2023 Nissan Rogue in the same breath!!   She was seen at a public picnic with Ant-Man carrying away food according to my TMZ correspondents!

B in T College Basketball Picks:

Alabama 78 Arkansas 68

The Hog basketball team seems to be stumbling!!  This stumbling coincides with the exact time that their former press secretary turned Arkansas Governor rip arse in the State of the Union speech!

The Razorbacks are still a solid 7 seed!!  Alabama is honing its resume for the one seed in the South!!

Iowa State 78 Oklahoma 67

Clone nation is so excited to get to the dance this year after a 2-26 record in 2022!!  A number of Clone donors demanded that the Eustacy days of parties, paying big bucks to recruits from the sale of magical mushrooms, and exam cheating, return to the Iowa State Cyclones!!  In 2023 the Clones are projected a 4th seed in the East region!  Looks like the Eustacy was reinstated!

Oklahoma State 82 Kansas State 71

Even with the season-ending injury to guard Avery Anderson the Pokes continue to play very average in late season!  It is beneficial that the 7’10” Moose Cisse is playing like the reincarnation of Hakeem Olajuwon!!

ORU 83 at South Dakota State 74

Literally, this is the closest game they have played in the conference!!  39 NET ranking

Kentucky 82 Auburn 77

My two favorite coaches duke it out after the game!!  Kentucky’s Calamari tried to put coach Pearl in a headlock in the handshake line!  A scuffle almost ensued but both coaches and coaching staffs backed off to save their Brooks Brothers suits!!  Could have been messy!!

Tulsa 74 UCF 71

Huge win for the 2023 hapless Hurricane!!  Interesting event at the after-game celebration when the entire Sigma Chi fraternity was arrested trying to carry the north b-ball goal to the Arkansas river!!  Roy??  Get you boys in line!!

Have a great sports week!

B in T

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

New to B in T: 

The Center Scoop:

Coffee Maker- when B in T started at the Center for Physically Limited Individuals 8 years ago we had two fricking coffee pots!  As of the last 4 years, we have zero!!  So where are our pots and why has our beautiful, wise beyond-her-youthful appearance, and smart Director hidden the pots?  Four years ago the pots were removed after massive messes were made by members of the Center other than me!!  Rumor has it that our awesome Director has locked our coffee pots up and buried them under the new building construction!!  I have suggested a new cappuccino machine, a margarita machine, an organic juice machine, and even my 2002 Mr. Coffee in our attic!!   The requests were all denied!!  Mrs. Director, please return our pot!?!?!?  

OR for $2.79 hehe

*New Automatic cappuccino machine- $2,479.99 on Amazon!!

B in T Rants about nutin’

I have done some research on the phenomenon of national weathermen and bodybuilders.  Yes the snow and ice in Tulsa has given me cabin fever!!  This art of Weather person body building was started years ago when National Weatherman and cute teddy bear, Al Roker lost a lot of weight for health reasons!!  After that day, weather watchers started to look at weather folks as muscle beach Gods!  This is the main reason all weather folks are power weight-lifting bodybuilders and yoked up!

KC QB Mahomes Superbowl MVP has just been arrested for impersonating Kermit the Frog!

The refs get special treatment at Phog Allen......

I saw a Kansas assistant basketball coach slip a ref a 50 dolla bill yo!  And a bag of white powder!

Just sayin’ bro............

Great quote from the REF radio and ex-OU superstar Teddy Lehman:

“Ya know, I kinda respect Saban for trying to get a spy balloon in place to steal OU coach Lebby’s offensive secrets.  Too bad, 0-2!  Well I guess 1-3. He did film our practices in the Super Dome in 03!!  Lots of secrets between China and coach Saban!! 

You know Morning coffee and brownies are reeeeaaaally good when.....you call your wife at work and let her know that u accidentally flushed a Cutip down the toilet, should I call a plumber?  This is a true story and names were omitted to protect those who may over-medicate!!

Which is the best day of your life as an OU fan?!

1. Birth of a child- named Boomer ! 
2. 4th marriage- to an OU cheerleader!
3. Release of the ‘1st Gift to the Gods’ or AKA the release of the 2023 OU football schedule!!  OMG!
4. OU's 1st National Championship in football 3 decades !
5. January 2023 announcement by smokin’ Joe Castiglione that Oklahoma will have men's and women's Pickleball teams!!

Answer :  3 and 5

Fax Machines are never used unless it's SIGNING DAY for college recruits!   Currently, home loan documents and anything else needing a signature uses E-docs and sign electronically!  This was started years ago before I retired, right after the invention of quill pens ✒️!  Come on coaches just have the kids e-sign and nix or fux this fax crap!!

Which college basketball coaches will chat and acknowledge you and which will tell you to eff off?

B in T Coach nicey to baddy bad Rankings:

1  Angel coach

5  Mike Boynton - OSU, once walked an elderly ref across a highway!

6 Bill Self - Kansas, loves to chat; once talked to a statue for 3 minutes!  Google it! 

12  Porter Mosier - OU, takes in  wayward cats!

97 Jim Boeheim - Syracuse, looks like a crotchety old Philosophy Professor! 

99 John Calimari - Kentucky, refuses to sign autographs and walk anyone across the street!  Once told a two-year-old not two drool on his Brooks Brother’s suit or he would make her run laps!!

100 Devil 

I am ready for some low-fat, gluten-free ice cream at a Cardinal or Driller game!!

Last week St Louis announcer Dan Mc Glaughlin was replaced by Harry Carry’s grandson Chip Carry!!  A quarter of a century of broadcasting by McLaughlin ended abruptly after his third DUI.  Skip’s grandpapa Harry simply drank four or five Buds and cabbied or walked to his restaurant after a game!!  No car ? take a cab!!  Or an Uber in today's world!!  

BTW (’by the way ‘ for you non hipsters) I have never taken on Uber!!  Why sir?  Fear of being Ubered by a serial killer, a terrorist, or a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend!!  Just shoot me.

B in T College Basketball picks:

Kentucky 81 Tennessee 76

Kentucky has been out if the top AP 25 for weeks!!  Kentucky seniors have stated that they will not shower until a return by the once mighty Wildcats to the AP top 25!!  Beating the Top 5 ranked Volunteers helps!

Texas 72 Oklahoma 65

The Wed Wiver Wivalry was wild when the woeful team southwest of the wiver won!!  

TCU 88 Oklahoma State 84

TCU looks to get a 4 seed and a win over the Cowboys will help solidify that wish!

Arkansas 84 Florida 68

The Razorbacks have become average over the last few weeks.  The remedy for the bad play was simply scheduling the Gators!  Florida has reached double figures in losses again!  

Kansas 88 Baylor 82

Kansas is peaking at the right time and handled the Bear's big men in a barn burner at Phog!

Iowa State 74 at Kansas State 72 OT

The official time clocks went out with Kansas State trailing by 11 with 2:33 left.  When the clock was fixed by a local hometown Manhattan, Kansas clocksmith it read 2:32 but KSU only trailed by 3!!   None of the 18 Clone coaches noticed the clock and score errors!!  Looks likes a time warp created by the giant white balloon caused the phenomenon in Manhattan!!

ORU 91 N Dakota St. 65

The Golden Eagles have 14 wins in a row!!  Currently, I have my ORU sweet 16 t-shirt on from 2021!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

B in T Rants:

Skylar Thompson, ex K State Mildcat, and Brock ‘too’ Purdy, from Cyclone land both representing the Big 12 in the NFL playoffs!!  What happened to number 1 picks, Murray and Mayfield from Oklahoma!!  Oh, but there is 2022 MVP Jalen Hurts from Philadelphia via ‘Bama and OU!

New Coach Prime is going crazy with 274 offers for his new gig with Colorado!!  So far 159 have committed!!  Prime was not a math major at Florida State!!  Hell of a recruiter bro!

Midcourt Max of ORU is lighting up the scoreboard and is ranked 5th in the nation in scoring!!  Projected second round to the LA Lakers!  Or he could come back for one more year, and break many ORU and national records!!

TULSA REPRESENTS!

Dax Hill Cincinnati 918- BTW Hornets

Justice Hill Baltimore 918 - BTW Hornets

Clay Martin head ref 918 - Nathan Hale Rangers

Cardinal Baseball fans remember when Rick Ankiel could not hit his catcher's mitt in the 2000 playoffs against the Atlanta Braves!!  Ankiel not hitting strike zone in 2000 and Dallas Cowboy Kicker Maher missing 4 extra points in a row are why the NFL has sport psychiatrists that make 500 dollars an hour!  This is currently known as the ‘yips’ so...........I just save you a big psychiatrist bill!!

Pantera is headlining ROCKLAHOMA!  September 1-3  2023!

Two Stl. Cardinal 20-year-olds are possible future superstars!!  Jordan Walker a 6’5” 225 lbs third baseman/outfielder and Masynn Winn a 5’11” SS who threw out a runner with a 103 MPH throw to first base in a futures game!!  Only the second throw over 100MPH ever recorded from the SS position!!  Winn looks like a 2024 stud but Jordan may be sneaking into the lineup in 2023!!  They remind me of past Redbirds stars centerfielder Bake McBride and shortstop Gary Templeton!

Nude Pickleball is to a court near you if you don't watch out!  Naturist resorts all over the country are discovering that nudists want more pickle ball!!  Clothing-optional resorts are finding that pickleball facilities and hosting tournaments are in high demand among their guests and nude naturalist!!  I am putting a proposal together for our director at the Center, for Nude Pickleball!!

OU lady Sooner Robertson to break all-time 3-pointers made at 494 and will eclipse well over 500 before the season ends!!

Bobbleheads:

Verrrry Young Soccer Recruit!

To Papa B in T, it was devastating to watch his Grandson Gus on a front-row recruiting visit to TU’s hated basketball rivalry ‘the Golden Eagles of ORU!!!!’  I cried, but I did get my 3XL ORU Sweet 16 t-shirts!!  I did notice that ORU’s Name Licensing Image (NIL) dollars now include popcorn for basketball and soccer recruits!!

IMG_4918.heic

 NFL Playoffs:

NFC Championship

Eagles 31 49ers 27

The Eagles, led by former Sooner QB Jalen Hurts, scored 3 touchdowns two by sea and one by land!!  Two by pass and one by run, for non-nautical folks who follow B in T!!  49ers wittle bitty cuty QB Purdy was tucked away to nighty night till next season!!  His 705k contract will now include new play station games Madden, and NCAA 2024 for life!!  I shat u not!!

AFC Championship:

Chiefs 44 Bengals 41 OT

The Chiefs QB Mahomes battles Bengals star QB       

in a shoot-out similar to the movie Tombstone where each QB and gunfighter completed 95% of their throws and gunshots!  OT was settled by back-to-back then turn and fire at ten paces!!

B in T College Basketball Picks:

Tulsa 71 Memphis 69 OT

Last week's Andolis Pizza crowd was AMAZING!!  And TU wins in OT!!  This week's crowd eats the world's largest Cinnebun!!  TU wins in OT!!

Big 12 - SEC Challenge 

Oklahoma 71 Alabama 70

The the mini Sooner Schooner with midget ponies made its debut at the Loyd Noble arena!

The Rufneks are using OU National Champions gymnasts to steer the Mini wagon and tiny ponies!  Sooner’s Jacob Groves hits a three-pointer at the buzzer to win the SEC Challenge!  Loyd Noble fans be aware of horse poop while exciting! 

Mizzou 78 Iowa State 75

Mizzou wins by three at home and wins by three at home!  They mirror each other verrry closely!!

Baylor 84 Arkansas 67

The Razorbacks are having problems internally as which players are going pro and which are getting the Tyson Foods NIL deal for a lifetime deal on chicken nuggets!!

Tennessee 73 Texas 68

This will be a SEC football game score in 2 years!!

Kansas 81 at Kentucky 74

Too much of the Dick dude from Kansas!  No, geesh, I was not referring to Coach Self!

Oklahoma State 73 Ole Miss 61

State got lucky by playing the lowest NET ranking team in the SEC!!  OSU's defensive efficiency is 5th in the nation!!

Oral Roberts 89 Omaha 70

ORU is not part of the SEC challenge........but maybe they should be!!!  Could win 30 games this year!!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Prayers for Marty Jacobs who is Josh Jacobs of the Las Vegas Raiders?  He is recovering from a recent heart attack!!  Marty and his brother were and still are Lift drivers for handicapped folks like me!!  

Both are sports nuts!??  Evidently Marty’s grandson called 911!!

 B in T Rant bout’ Nuthin!

Where Will Kliff ‘Waldo’ Kingsbury be next year!??

1 Alabama - terminated coaches go here to be analyst

2 Oklahoma State - offensive coordinator

3 Iowa - Kingsbury will bring the ‘run and shoot’ instead of the off tackle twice, and quick kick offense that has been Iowa tradition for decades!

Waldo Kingsbury

Will the egos of UT attempt to hire John Calipari from Kentucky OR will Kentucky fire Calipari and his 15 assistant coaches first??  Stay tuned for ‘As the Calipari Turns’ in 2023!

NBA Conspiracy Theory -  the Thunder are easily the youngest team in the NBA, and in their only TNT TV appearance this DECADE the refs made sure that Miami Heat superstar Jimmy Butler looked great with 25 free throws and 42 free shots for his team, at home!!  The Thunder must beat the refs and the NBA this year!!  Keep shooting Thunder, your time will come!!  Oh, the Thunder lost to the Heat with a FREE THROW with 1 second left!!  WTFrick!!  Geeeesh!  Conspiracy Theory with Thunder and NBA will be on CBS 60 Minutes in two weeks!!

Rondell Bothroyd Oklahoma football transfer from Wake Forrest is on my all-name team 2023!!  Both-royd sounds like the dog’s name on the old Jetsons cartoons!!

Astro

Brazil folks please learn from the U.S. Capital building attempted takeover and hide your faces when attempting a felony on world TV!!!

I think Mrs. B in T has a crush on Gov. Stitt!  WTF!!  I voted for him!!

What does the statement “you're killing me smalls” mean?  Is your name mister Smalls and someone is attempting to kill u!!  This is confusing and I refuse to GOOGLE it!!

Kedarian Ray pulled his tail out of the transfer portal!!  HUGE ‘get’ for the new staff at TU!!

I honestly felt I was done with the fundraising to friends and relatives!!  Wrong Blue and Gold Sausage breath!!  The Center will be taking us to a few Boccia Tournaments this year and I will be begging my 11 readers to buy some popcorn!!

Broth Bar??!!??!!

This is not right dude!!  There is a broth bar 3 blocks from MY HOUSE, WTFrick is happening, next, there will be a strip club in my front yard.............hey wait, nawwww!  Broth Bars are places to hang when there is no other place in the entire universe left to hang!

B in T College Basketball Picks:

ORU 79 at ND State 59

                        and

ORU 87 at North Dakota 66

The North Dakota State and North Dakota three-day tour is close to the animated movie Frozen II as the ORU staff and players wanted to get!!  The bus from Fargo to Grand Forks, North Dakota snow plowed into a 50ft snow drift, forcing the ORU team to use Nike Mukluks and walk the remaining 12 miles of stranded cars and massive snow drifts!!  The Golden Eagles win both games by a combined 41 points!!  Even after a 12-mile walk in a blizzard!!

Arkansas 88 Ole Miss 66

The Razorback team was led by Council the 4th who scored 28 points for the streaking Men in red!!  The Rebels are still reveling over a bad football season end!

Iowa State 74 at Ok State 69

The Clones are looking for a way to win at Gallagher Iba, so they were awarded 35 free throws and made 32!!  The three Big 12 refs were from the east but all three played Bball at Dez Moines High School, hmmmmmm verrrrrry interesting!

Oklahoma 70 Baylor 67

Sooner coach Moser has asked both of the Grove brothers to wear white headbands for the remainder of the season!!  This will remove the bad vibes from Loyd Noble and allow the Sooners to reach the Final Four!!

Tulsa 68 Tulane 63

The TU Student Section was packed with students for Pajama Night in their PJs except for the Lambda Chi’s who studied and wore their Harry Potter costumes!

Bobbleheads:  

Conspiracy Theory:

After hanging with the grandkids for a couple of hundred hours the last couple of weeks I have concluded that some of the kid shows are created by aliens, cults, or foreign countries!!  that are attempting to take over our minds and rule the world!!  No shat!! And if you play shows like Daniel Tiger, Marsha Bear, or Paw Patrol, backward you will hear the Devil telling you to watch porn!!  Try it, I dare ya!!

ie:  Helter Skelter, Beatles

NFL Playoff picks:

Cowboys 38 FartyNiners 31

Yes, I am back on the Cowboy bandwagon after one week of brain spasms!!

Iowa State fans claim they knew Brock Purdy would be great as Mr Totally Irrelevant - the last player drafted in the 2022 NFL draft!  San Fran fans claim that he is great because of coach Kyle Shanahan molded him to the future next great Tommy Brady!!  The bragging battles between So Cal snobs and Cyclone Nation over the actual ownership of Mr Purdy loyalty continues!!

Have a great sports week!