WASHINGTON, D.C. — After careful consideration, the Biden family announced that they have officially designated Hunter for assignment to make room for their 7th grandchild on the family roster.

There you are, sitting across from an elderly, demented man drooling on his oatmeal, when suddenly you begin to wonder: Am I in a nursing home, or in the chambers of the United States Senate?? To help you solve the mystery, look for these nine helpful differences:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Long-time congressional aide Mark Mathis has been tasked with slowly pushing a cart through the halls of congress to collect the dead bodies.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Long-time congressional aide Mark Mathis has been tasked with slowly pushing a cart through the halls of congress to collect the dead bodies.

U.S. — Wives across the nation announced that they too have to get to a prayer breakfast, informing disappointed husbands that making love must wait.

U.S. — Wives across the nation announced that they too have to get to a prayer breakfast, informing disappointed husbands that making love must wait.

ABERDEEN, SD — Local parents of a young girl have grown concerned that she may be rife with internalized misogyny as she was seen pretending her Successful Lawyer Barbie™ was just a mommy.

We've come a long way since the crazy days of COVID-19 lockdowns, haven't we? And yet, it still seems like yesterday when the government was telling churches across the country they had to close their doors, leaving millions of believers without a group of brothers and sisters to join. And that was just for a pandemic! What about other reasons to shut down churches?

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to both earn some much-needed positive publicity and show his support for workers' rights, Hunter Biden announced he was staging an 8-hour crack strike.

LOUISVILLE, KY — A local family was faced with a difficult decision this week regarding whether to place their beloved grandpa in hospice care or have him announce a campaign for a U.S. Senate seat. The grandfather and potential candidate, Philip Gabbert, is 98 years old and suffers from advanced dementia.