WASHINGTON, D.C.—Justice Amy Coney Barrett is already making a name for herself among the other justices as being something of a prankster. She reportedly dressed up in the most terrifying costume of all this Halloween: Nancy Pelosi. Then, she scared each of her Republican colleagues in turn.

The post Classic Prankster: ACB Frightens Republican Colleagues By Dressing Up As Nancy Pelosi For Halloween appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Antifa is celebrating its favorite holiday, Halloween, where they put on masks and go door to door brick-or-beating.

The post Antifa Celebrates Halloween With Fun Evening Of Brick-Or-Beating appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—In order to help voters absolve themselves of responsibility and guilt for the politicians they selected, polling places around the country are offering a bowl of water to all voters in the voting booth, sources confirmed Saturday.

The post Polling Places Now Offering Basins Of Water So You Can Wash Your Hands Like Pontius Pilate appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Business owners in Democrat-controlled cities are boarding up in preparation for an onslaught of mostly peaceful demonstrations should Trump win the election Tuesday.

The post Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

With Americans going to the polls to vote on the most important election in the entire history of the universe, we thought it might be helpful to review the campaigns of this year.

The post 2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a group of furious Republican senators initiated a teleconference hearing with Big Tech CEOs to grill them over censorship, Lindsey Graham took Mark Zuckerberg to task over his apparently partisan distribution of birthday wishes. According to sources, Mark Zuckerberg has never written a word on Senator Lindsey Graham's wall on his birthday.

The post Lindsey Graham Asks Mark Zuckerberg Why He Didn't Write On His Wall On His Birthday appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

TOLEDO, OH—Trump campaign aides are begging the president to stop and take a break after a grueling campaign marathon that crossed 37 states and lasted several days. According to campaign insiders, Trump downed 45 cups of coffee, drank a gallon of Red Bull, and went on a 237-hour tear through America in a last-ditch effort to drum up votes without sleeping or even closing his eyes. 

The post Trump Aides Beg Him To Call A Lid After He Drinks 45 Cups Of Coffee And Campaigns For 237 Hours Straight appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Only a few days after her confirmation to the Supreme Court, Justice Amy Coney Barrett is already making much-needed changes to a messy and undisciplined group of 9 justices. Today, the young and energetic mother of seven children hung up a chore chart on the wall behind the bench to help organize important tasks such as cleaning, ironing, and writing dissenting opinions.

The post ACB Hangs Up Sticker Chart To Help The Justices Remember Their Daily Chores appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

LOS ANGELES, CA—Everyone is excited about the new season of The Mandalorian, but there are fears as well, as the show is the only remaining bit of Star Wars that is any good. These fears have only been amplified by a letter obtained by the FBI, in which Rian Johnson, director of The Last Jedi, threatens to direct an episode of The Mandalorian.

The post FBI Uncovers Plot By Rian Johnson To Direct An Episode Of The Mandalorian appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MADISON, WI—While most costumed trick-or-treaters expect candy during their Halloween hunting, several Democrat households are planning to get Joe Biden across the finish line by handing out extra ballots instead.

The post Democrats Hand Out Extra Ballots To Trick-Or-Treaters appeared first on The Babylon Bee.