EL CAJON, CA—In a quiet, solemn moment Friday afternoon, local churchgoer Grant O’Neill took a few minutes to prepare his heart to give glory and honor to the United States at his church’s exciting Independence Day service this Sunday. Knowing that he would be attending the upcoming patriotic service, O’Neill spent some time in quiet […]

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KANSAS CITY, MO—If you’ve ever had the pleasure of dining at a Chick-fil-A restaurant, you’ve enjoyed the courteous, world-class service of the company’s cheery employees as they offer to refill your drinks and bring you more delicious CFA sauce. But Adam Jones, a Chick-fil-A cashier at a Kansas City location, may have taken the company’s […]

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NEW YORK, NY—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was elated when reports broke that she had won the Democratic primary for her district, defeating long-term incumbent Rep. Joe Crowley Tuesday. But the democratic socialist was disappointed to discover that her win would be revoked by the DNC after all votes for her were confiscated and more equally distributed between […]

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Still reeling from Trump’s previous Supreme Court nominee, Neil Gorsuch, Democrats plan to scrutinize any new nominee to ensure that he or she isn’t yet another crony of something called “The Constitution,” Senate Democrats announced Friday. “Time and time again, we find progressive laws getting struck down,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said in […]

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—During an address Wednesday, President Trump revealed that the first Star Destroyer warship to be christened in the new United States Space Force program will be named the U.S.S. Civility, in honor of the kind of civil discourse the president has “always made a priority” throughout his administration. The Civility will be armed with dozens of turbolaser batteries, […]

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Jesus never promised His church an easy road. Temptations to follow the ways of the world rather than the ways of the gospel abound. Even in our own time, many churches have fallen by the wayside when they begin to compromise the gospel mission, getting involved in temporary cultural battles rather than centering their efforts […]

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U.S.—A new series of Left Behind action figures released to commemorate the cult classic Christian film starring Kirk Cameron is in fact just a set of empty boxes, publicists at toy and collectible manufacturer NECA announced Thursday. The boxes containing characters that were raptured at the start of the series actually just contain nothing but air, in […]

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HEAVEN—Through a publicist, the Lord Most High confirmed Thursday that He still has no plans to retire as the righteous Judge of the universe, despite the calls from condemned sinners everywhere for someone a little more “easygoing” to take His place. Although billions of reprobates under God’s just condemnation expressed their hope that the Lord […]

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U.S.—Many on the left are concerned that conditions in the U.S. are similar to those that led to the rise of Nazi Germany, but a number of Resistance activists have come up with a foolproof solution to stop Nazism: angry mobs to intimidate the unpopular and unwanted members of society. According to leftists, organized groups […]

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U.S.—Upon the announcement that Justice Kennedy would be retiring soon, liberals across the country expressed their horror that they might soon lose the legal right to kill 60 million more American babies over the next several decades. Worried that Roe v. Wade could be overturned by a new, conservative-leaning court, progressives expressed their sheer horror […]

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