July 31, 2019 at 04:38PM from The Babylon Bee
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SUNLAND PARK, NM—Disaster occurred at the US-Mexico border earlier this week after the installation of seesaws on the border wall. Part of an art project by UC Berkeley faculty, the seesaws were intended to let kids on both side of the border play with each other as a powerful statement about unity and love across borders.

The post Disaster At Seesaw Art Installation As Obese American Children Catapult Mexicans Over The Border appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 31, 2019 at 01:42PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump has responded to recent charges that he is a racist, now producing a document that he believes for a fact proves he is not a racist: a rejection letter from the Ku Klux Klan.

The post Trump Proves He's Not A Racist By Showing His Rejection Letter From The KKK appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 31, 2019 at 01:12PM from The Babylon Bee
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TOLEDO, WA—During their Sunday morning service, Toledo Gospel Church announced to their 100-member congregation that their Singles Fellowship group would be merging with their Seniors Fellowship. The decision came after church leaders realized the average age in the singles group had reached 58 years.

The post Church's Rapidly Aging Singles Group Finally Promoted To Seniors Group appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 31, 2019 at 10:29AM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—Look out, Beyond Meat -- a new competitor has emerged in the market of turning vegetables into a food that tastes just like meat. But while companies like Beyond Meat use laboratories to turn vegetables into something tasty, this new process uses a much more natural method: feeding the vegetables to a cow.

The post Innovative New Process Converts Vegetables Into Meat By Feeding Them To Cows appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 31, 2019 at 10:09AM from The Babylon Bee
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DETROIT, MI—Presidential candidate Marianne Williamson reported Tuesday that she was not sure what she was doing up on stage with "all these crazy people" after CNN's first Democratic debate.

The post Marianne Williamson Not Sure What She's Doing Up Here With All These Crazy People appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 30, 2019 at 04:17PM from The Babylon Bee
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The post Nation Torn Between Watching Democratic Debates, Sticking Face In Blender appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 30, 2019 at 02:42PM from The Babylon Bee
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LOS ANGELES, CA—A promising new prospect has been signed by the Los Angeles Sparks: previously unknown basketball player Lebronna James.

The post Promising New Prospect Lebronna James Expected To Dominate WNBA appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 30, 2019 at 01:23PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—Thought to be the frontrunner in the Democratic primaries, presidential candidate Joe Biden has dropped to last place after being hit with a blue shell during a campaign speech Tuesday.

The post Biden Drops To Last Place After Being Hit With Blue Shell appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 30, 2019 at 12:42PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—A new printing of the Unitarian Universalist hymnal just contains one song: John Lennon's "Imagine."

The post New Unitarian Universalist Hymnal Just Contains John Lennon's 'Imagine' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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July 30, 2019 at 11:26AM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—With the Democratic primary debates in full swing, many fact-checking websites are preparing to review candidates’ statements for accuracy. Thankfully, Snopes, the most unbiased fact-checking website ever, has found a way to expedite their evaluation process.

Since their original founding in 1957 by the KGB, Snopes has gained a reputation for objectively reporting what someone’s secret motivations probably were, and what they probably really meant when they said something. More recently, they have perfected the art of determining whether a satirical article is hilarious, left-leaning comedy or divisive, conservative-leaning fake news.

As part of their ongoing goal of being able to rush to judgment as quickly as possible, Snopes published a pre-approval of all future statements made by candidates during the Democratic debates. 

“While we understand there may be some disagreements among progressive candidates on certain issues, we know that nobody who shares our worldview would ever say anything factually untrue,” Snopes explains in their article.

Snopes also clarified that in the event a candidate does say anything that sounds untrue/conservative, they will automatically conclude that the individual had pure intentions and meant something completely different. As a very last resort, they may change a particular rating to “mixed,” assuming some context was missing.

At publishing, Snopes had also released a fact-check for all future statements by President Trump, rating them all as “False.”

The post Snopes Issues Pre-Approval On All Statements Made During Tonight's Democratic Debate appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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