January 31, 2019 at 04:31PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—Stressing that a barrier at the southern border would be shameful and discriminatory, Democrats again declared Thursday that constructing a wall at the U.S.-Mexico border for national security purposes would be “immoral,” while they continued to gleefully advocate for legalized infanticide.

The post 'A Border Wall Is Immoral,' Says Political Party Advocating For Infanticide appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 31, 2019 at 02:12PM from The Babylon Bee
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HOLLYWOOD, CA—Ben Affleck has stepped down from his role as Batman, which he has played in the DC Extended Universe since 2016's Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.

The post Affleck Steps Down From Batman Role After Critics Blast Him For Not Actually Being A Flying Nocturnal Mammal appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 31, 2019 at 01:28PM from The Babylon Bee
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ATLANTA, GA—In a press conference held Thursday, Chick-fil-A representatives promised to become the first fast-food chain in the nation to use 100% born-again chickens in their sandwiches, nuggets, strips, and other chicken food products.

The post Chick-Fil-A Commits To Using 100% Born-Again Chickens appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 31, 2019 at 12:25PM from The Babylon Bee
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CIMMERIA—Speaking in a message sent from the Hyborian Age, famed sword and sorcery hero Conan the Barbarian apologized to all women everywhere for his harsh treatment and objectification of women, as well as his harmful comments about hearing women's lamentations.

The post Conan The Barbarian Apologizes For Misogynistic Comments After Viewing Gillette Commercial appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 31, 2019 at 11:34AM from The Babylon Bee
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CALIFORNIA—The rest of the nation may be battling bitter cold, but they have no idea what the poor people in California are about to face: weather in the mid-50s, with a chance of something strange called "rain."

The post Californians Brace For Deadly 50-Degree Cold Front appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 30, 2019 at 04:42PM from The Babylon Bee
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SUN VALLEY, CA—During a recent Sunday morning church service, pastor John MacArthur reportedly healed a charismatic visitor of his belief that the miraculous sign gifts are for today.

The post John MacArthur Heals Charismatic Man Of Belief In Miraculous Gifts appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 30, 2019 at 04:26PM from The Babylon Bee
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THIEF RIVER FALLS, MN—While out shoveling his drive Wednesday morning, local Minnesota man Carl Manders was forced to warm himself inside the carcass of his recently deceased Tauntaun, sources confirmed.

The post Minnesota Man Forced To Warm Himself In Tauntaun Carcass appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 30, 2019 at 01:39PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—In a rare moment of honesty this week, Democrats finally just came right out and admitted that they actually support infanticide.

The post In Rare Moment Of Honesty, Democrats Finally Admit They Support Infanticide appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 28, 2019 at 02:35PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—According to a new report, Americans have completely forgotten every last thing they were upset about just last week.

The post Report: Americans Totally Unable To Remember What They Were Upset About Last Week appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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January 28, 2019 at 02:12PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—According to sources from across the country, the nation's tough, masculine men still haven't recovered from an offensive razor commercial put out by Gillette around two weeks ago.

The post Nation's Tough, Masculine Guys Still Haven't Recovered From Offensive Razor Commercial appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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