JUNIPER HILLS, AZ—Leadership at Journey Community Church reluctantly confirmed Thursday that their purportedly non-denominational church was in fact just a thinly disguised Baptist congregation. The church was exposed after a church banner hung to conceal the remains of the church’s old Baptist name peeled off during a recent rainstorm, revealing the words “First Baptist Church” […]

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HILLSBORO, OR—According to sources from within Solid Foundations Church, the long-standing worship team bassist of ten years was actually just a random guy who wandered up on the stage one day pretending like he knew what he was doing. The man picked up the then-vacant church house bass and plucked completely random notes on the […]

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U.S.—After numerous prominent Christians and everyday believers alike signed the Nashville Statement affirming basic Christian doctrine held with rare exception for 2,000 years, progressives across the nation flooded the internet in droves to voice their horror and disgust at the shocking set of beliefs. “I can’t believe these people would just come out and blatantly […]

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U.S.—In an effort to make sure the public is educated about the drastic effects the Word of God may have upon its readers, the FDA has announced that beginning next year, all new Bibles sold in America must be stamped with a warning from the Surgeon General which notifies them that “Bible Reading Can Cause […]

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BLUE EYE, MO—In a stern warning to anti-Trumpers nationwide, televangelist Jim Bakker warned on his show Tuesday that all six people who are somehow still following him will “come out of the shadows” and start a civil war if President Trump happens to be impeached. “If [Trump is impeached], I predict that every single one […]

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DANA POINT, CA—Claiming the new gig will help pay the bills, worship leader Oscar “Octave” Anderson confirmed Tuesday his new supplemental after-hours job following Pastor Bill around and quietly picking his guitar at key moments in the pastor’s work and home life. Anderson has been instructed to slowly build into a touching guitar piece whenever […]

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FONTANA, CA—Churchgoer Randy Atwell arrived to Porter Avenue Baptist Church five days before Sunday service started in order to save his favorite seat, sources confirmed. Atwell pulled into the parking lot at 8 a.m. sharp Tuesday, securing an excellent parking spot before strolling into the sanctuary and plopping down in his favorite location, to leave […]

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HOUSTON, TX—Although Joel Osteen took flak over the weekend for closing up his church to flood victims and all but disappearing during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the megachurch pastor reportedly returned to the city on his luxury yacht “S.S. Blessed” to make amends Tuesday by tossing copies of Your Best Life Now to stranded […]

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MANCHESTER, NH—After his old Honda Civic finally crapped out on him, local man Pete Herbert recently bought a used Toyota Tacoma, prompting leaders at his church to almost immediately declare that he has the spiritual gift of helping people move every single weekend. “Pete, you clearly have the spiritual gift of helping people move all […]

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LAS VEGAS, NV—Sources in the Conor McGregor camp confirmed Monday that the champion MMA fighter and 0-1 professional boxer was nursing his head wounds with a giant stack of money as he recovered from the big “Money Fight” against undefeated boxer Floyd Mayweather. “McGregor is resting up, rehydrating, and holding large sums of cold, hard […]

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