February 28, 2019 at 04:58PM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3798-1-thumb.jpg

HANOI—After Kim Jong Un claimed to have nothing to do with the brutal treatment of Otto Warmbier while the American was in North Korean custody, renowned judge of moral character Donald Trump quickly declared the man to be trustworthy.

The post Kim Jong Un Declared To Be Trustworthy By Renowned Judge Of Moral Character Donald Trump appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 28, 2019 at 12:52PM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3797-2-thumb.jpg

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Yesterday the long-awaited congressional testimony of expert witness Detective Pikachu took place on Capitol Hill. There have long been allegations against President Trump of connections to organized crime---particularly Team Rocket---and Detective Pikachu laid out all the evidence he had to bolster that claim.

The post Trump Attempts To Discredit Damning Testimony Of Detective Pikachu appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 28, 2019 at 11:52AM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3796-1-thumb.jpg

SAN BRUNO, CA—In the midst of a scare over the "Momo challenge" hoax that's sweeping the internet once again, YouTube has warned parents that some users are uploading videos purportedly containing innocent children's content, only to have the stream cut to frightening footage of Joel Osteen preaching the prosperity gospel partway through.

The post YouTube Warns Parents That Some Users Are Sneaking Joel Osteen Footage Into Harmless Kids' Videos appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 28, 2019 at 11:00AM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3793-1-thumb.jpg

U.S.—A new study on local homosexual frog populations indicated Thursday that the LGBT frog community has exploded in size since Alex Jones was banned from nearly all social media platforms last year.

The post Study: Gay Frog Population Has Grown By 492% Since Alex Jones Social Media Ban appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 28, 2019 at 10:44AM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3795-1-thumb.jpg

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid deliberations on the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act, which was somehow seen as controversial, Democrat leaders reaffirmed their belief that newborn babies are precious gifts, nearly as precious as the right to kill them.

The post Dems: 'The Only Thing More Precious Than A Newborn Baby Is The Right To Kill It' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 28, 2019 at 10:03AM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3794-1-thumb.jpg

U.S.—During an ecumenical council convened Thursday, representatives from a wide range of Christian denominations universally voted to recognize the 1987 film The Princess Bride and the novel upon which it was based as inspired Scripture.

The post 'The Princess Bride' Officially Recognized As Inspired Scripture appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 27, 2019 at 03:46PM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3791-1-thumb.jpg

KOKIRI FOREST—Citing the harmful effects of rapid climate change, scientists have warned that the Great Deku Tree, the guardian of the forest, could pass away within the next 12 years if global warming is not reversed.

The post Experts Warn Climate Change Could Kill Great Deku Tree Within 12 Years appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 27, 2019 at 03:22PM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3790-1-thumb.jpg

MARSHVILLE, LA—According to sources within First United Grace Christian Church of Christ, the church with "United" prominently displayed on its sign out front is currently undergoing its fourth split of the last two decades.

The post Church With 'United' In Name Undergoes Fourth Split appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 27, 2019 at 02:51PM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3789-1-thumb.jpg

CHARLESTON, SC—After dealing with the stresses of raising their three young children day in and day out, local couple Mike and Wendy Valentino needed a night out. So they called up their trusted babysitter, got dressed up, hopped in their car, and pulled around the corner to get three solid hours of uninterrupted sleep.

The post Parents Of Young Children Hire Babysitter So They Can Drive Around Corner And Nap In Their Car For Three Hours appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee

February 27, 2019 at 11:41AM from The Babylon Bee
https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3788-1-thumb.jpg

People are always uncertain what kind of world they would be bringing any potential children into, and as we look at the current era, with its boundless prosperity and opportunity unlike mankind has ever seen, people are just not certain that now is a good time to have kids.

The post Opinion: Is The Most Prosperous Era In Human History A Good Time To Have Kids? appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

via The Babylon Bee