The worst thing you could possibly be labeled isn’t a heretic or an unbeliever. No, friends, it’s a bigot. Maybe you’ve been wondering if you yourself have wandered into dangerous waters of bigotry. Wonder no longer, for you have stumbled upon the definitive online quiz that will tell you once and for all if you […]

. . . finish reading Are You A Bigot? Answer This One Simple Question And Find Out!.

It started during a normal church service on a Sunday morning in the fall of 2004. Brian McRae was playing bass, and, like he always did, he was bobbing his head vigorously along with the beat of the contemporary worship music they were playing for the gathering at Ekklesia Church. It wasn’t until after the […]

. . . finish reading Tragic: This Church Bassist Has Been Unable To Stop Bobbing His Head Since 2004.

SAN ANTONIO, TX—A no-good, filthy, freeloading bum confirmed in a Facebook comment section Friday that he only reads the headlines, revealing that he totally fails to support his favorite satire site by clicking on the articles, reading, and sharing them for the amusement of his friends and family. “I never read the actual stories, but […]

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U.S.—According to reports from around the nation, Americans who think of themselves as progressive and forward-thinking in their support for women’s rights and the dignity of females everywhere were celebrating the life of Hugh Hefner, for some reason, after his death Wednesday at the ripe old age of 91. “RIP Hugh Hefner!” one man whose […]

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Kicking off around the same time the Beatles sprang up on the international music scene, the worship wars were a bloody conflict, claiming millions of lives as traditional music proponents clashed with those supporting the use of modern music in the church. Any time you sing a song in church today, you are standing on […]

. . . finish reading The Bee Explains: Hymns vs. Modern Worship.

CANTON, MA—Baskin-Robbins has famously advertised 31 different flavors of ice cream to choose from, but a new line of spin-off stores targeting the lucrative Calvinist market will offer patrons just one. “1 Flavor: the one you were predestined to eat from eternity past,” the chain’s tagline reads, an accurate description of the consumer experience. When […]

. . . finish reading New Calvinist Baskin-Robbins Offers Customers One Preselected Flavor To Choose From.

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—“Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!” local man Eddie Randall declared as he placed several Christian books into his neighborhood “Little Free Library” like a modern-day Apostle Paul. Speaking to reporters about his regular book-evangelism practice, he revealed that he left Desiring God by John Piper, The Pursuit of God by […]

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Look at the calendar. It’s 2017. Yes, it’s almost 2,000 years since the time of Christ, and we still haven’t accepted ISIS into the church family with open arms as Christian brothers and sisters. Despite many great strides made by lots of progressive churches across the world, there are still backward believers who haven’t extended […]

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Welp, it looks like race relations in this country could be a whole lot better if the people in charge knew who to listen to. Joe Ballenger is a 34-year-old sales professional from New York who is passionate about politics and knows EXACTLY how to fix all of America’s race issues. He’s even generous enough […]

. . . finish reading Sad: This Guy Knows Exactly How To Fix America’s Race Issues, But Nobody Reads His Facebook Posts.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In an attempt to improve its user experience, Twitter has limited its users to posts of 0 characters or less, the popular yet embattled social network confirmed Wednesday. Users logging on to Twitter will now simply see the classic interface without a single tweet marring the page. Upon attempting to send a tweet, […]

. . . finish reading In Attempt To Improve User Experience, Twitter Limits Posts To 0 Characters.