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In New EA Star Wars Game You Must Prove You Were Vaccinated To Unlock Darth Vader

11/30/2020

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REDWOOD CITY, CA—Beloved game company Electronic Arts has announced that in their next Star Wars: Battlefront game, they will be adding some very special features to encourage responsible behavior during the pandemic. In order to unlock playable characters like Darth Vader, players will be required to prove they have received the COVID vaccine.

The post In New EA Star Wars Game, You Must Prove You Were Vaccinated To Unlock Darth Vader appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


In New EA Star Wars Game, You Must Prove You Were Vaccinated To Unlock Darth Vader,
November 30, 2020 at 05:07PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter

11/30/2020

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WILMINGTON, DE—Staffers have revealed that Biden was the victim of yet another tragic accident after his arm fell completely off as he attempted to open up a jar of peanut butter.

The post Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter,
November 30, 2020 at 03:49PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Pope Francis Says Covid Vaccine Will Now Be Required To Enter Heaven

11/30/2020

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VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis said today that God has informed him of a new requirement to enter Heaven: everyone must now receive the COVID-19 vaccine before entering the pearly gates. 

The post Pope Francis Says Covid Vaccine Will Now Be Required To Enter Heaven appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Pope Francis Says Covid Vaccine Will Now Be Required To Enter Heaven,
November 30, 2020 at 03:07PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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Fedora-Wearing IPhone Denies Existence Of Steve Jobs

11/30/2020

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Brought to you by:

The post Fedora-Wearing IPhone Denies Existence Of Steve Jobs appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Fedora-Wearing IPhone Denies Existence Of Steve Jobs,
November 30, 2020 at 01:32PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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In National Survey Of Favorite Foods Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes

11/30/2020

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U.S.—In a surprise result from a national survey of favorite foods, the winner, with 80 million votes -- blowing away the previous record of 69 million votes -- was a lukewarm bowl of porridge. The soggy bowl of chopped grains has apparently exploded in popularity around the country and is now handily the most beloved food of all.

The post In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes,
November 30, 2020 at 11:10AM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong Nation Should Already Know

11/30/2020

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden's transition team has announced they will be appointing an all-female communications team. According to sources, the team will not tell the nation what's wrong, since the nation should already know. 

The post Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong, Nation Should Already Know appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong, Nation Should Already Know,
November 30, 2020 at 10:54AM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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In Dangerous Decision SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay

11/28/2020

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WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark 5-4 decision led by alleged dogmatic constitutional extremist Amy Coney Barrett, the Supreme Court has decided the First Amendment can stay.

The post In Dangerous Decision, SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


In Dangerous Decision, SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay,
November 28, 2020 at 05:09PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Pro Tip: Skip Out On Black Friday Deals And Just Hold Out For The Next Peaceful Protest

11/27/2020

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A lot of people have been emailing us asking what our best tips for getting great deals on Black Friday are. We don't blame them, because we are the best source for real news and life advice. Well, we have one great tip this year for Black Friday: skip out on the deals entirely, and just wait a few weeks for the next peaceful protest. One is bound to pop up before Christmas. You'll really be kicking yourself if you spend $300 on a TV today, only for it to be 100% off the next time there is something to protest in the name of social justice or whatever.

The post Pro Tip: Skip Out On Black Friday Deals And Just Hold Out For The Next Peaceful Protest appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Pro Tip: Skip Out On Black Friday Deals And Just Hold Out For The Next Peaceful Protest,
November 27, 2020 at 01:16PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Damaging Photo Surfaces Of Mike Pence Peeking During Prayer

11/27/2020

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WASHINGTON, D.C.— A shocking photo has surfaced of current Vice President Mike Pence clearly showing him with an open eye and peeking during a church prayer.

The post Damaging Photo Surfaces Of Mike Pence Peeking During Prayer appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Damaging Photo Surfaces Of Mike Pence Peeking During Prayer,
November 27, 2020 at 12:50PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

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Gretchen Whitmer Pops Out Of Turkey To Inform Family They Have Exceeded Maximum Number Of Guests

11/27/2020

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PLYMOUTH, MI—Governor Gretchen Whitmer popped out of a local family's turkey to inform them they had exceeded the maximum number of guests at Thanksgiving this year, sources at the Johnson household confirmed Friday.

The post Gretchen Whitmer Pops Out Of Turkey To Inform Family They Have Exceeded Maximum Number Of Guests appeared first on The Babylon Bee.


Gretchen Whitmer Pops Out Of Turkey To Inform Family They Have Exceeded Maximum Number Of Guests,
November 27, 2020 at 12:41PM from The Babylon Bee, at The Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at The Babylon Bee
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