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Internal Planned Parenthood Memo Listing Possible Successors To Cecile Richards Leaked

1/31/2018

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January 31, 2018 at 04:03PM from The Babylon Bee
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NEW YORK, NY—In anticipation of Cecile Richards’ resignation as president of Planned Parenthood, the organization has been circulating internally a memo discussing a several possible candidates to replace the long-time leader of the abortion provider. This list was leaked Wednesday by an unknown source. “We all know Queen Cecile is going to leave some huge […]

. . . finish reading Internal Planned Parenthood Memo Listing Possible Successors To Cecile Richards Leaked.


via The Babylon Bee
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Hilarious: Mike Pence Put Super Glue On Democrats Seats Before State Of The Union

1/31/2018

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January 31, 2018 at 12:42PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, DC—According to sources, Vice President Mike Pence snuck into the Capitol a few hours before President Trump’s State of the Union address Tuesday and smeared Super Glue all over the Democrats’ seats so they would be stuck sitting down for the entire speech. Hilarious! “He’s been a prankster ever since he was a Congressman,” […]

. . . finish reading Hilarious: Mike Pence Put Super Glue On Democrats’ Seats Before State Of The Union.


via The Babylon Bee
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GLORY: John Hagees Face Miraculously Appears In Super Blue Blood Moon

1/31/2018

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January 31, 2018 at 10:26AM from The Babylon Bee
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As Wednesday’s rare ‘Super Blue Blood Moon’ appeared in the skies, viewers were shocked to see something glorious, miraculous, and downright beautiful: the image of John Hagee, perfectly rendered on the surface of the bright shining orb. First noticed by amateur stargazers and confirmed by NASA, Hagee’s face is said to be the first miracle […]

. . . finish reading GLORY: John Hagee’s Face Miraculously Appears In Super Blue Blood Moon.


via The Babylon Bee
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Trump Announces Free Copy Of Art Of The Deal Is Under Each Seat

1/30/2018

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January 30, 2018 at 09:07PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In the midst of his State of the Union address Tuesday night, President Trump announced to the gathered representatives that a free copy of his 1987 business book The Art of the Deal could be found underneath each seat in the chamber. “I have generously arranged for a copy of what many people say is […]

. . . finish reading Trump Announces Free Copy Of ‘Art Of The Deal’ Is Under Each Seat.


via The Babylon Bee
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Breaking: Belligerent Man Enters Capitol Building Rants At Crowd

1/30/2018

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January 30, 2018 at 08:40PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to multiple witnesses, a belligerent man burst into the Capitol Building Tuesday night and began ranting at a joint session of Congress, gathered to listen to the annual State of the Union address in the House of Representatives chamber. The loud and seemingly unstable character began boasting into the microphone about how awesome […]

. . . finish reading Breaking: Belligerent Man Enters Capitol Building, Rants At Crowd.


via The Babylon Bee
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After Killing 20-Week Abortion Ban Democrats Resume Lecturing People About Compassion

1/30/2018

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January 30, 2018 at 03:35PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources within the Senate, Democratic legislators took a short break from their tireless schedule of lecturing the nation about compassion Monday in order to vote against a ban on the barbaric practice of ripping helpless 20-week-old babies limb from limb and pulling them from the wombs of their mothers. The Democratic Caucus […]

. . . finish reading After Killing 20-Week Abortion Ban, Democrats Resume Lecturing People About Compassion.


via The Babylon Bee
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Donald Trump Nominated For Southern Baptist Convention Presidency

1/30/2018

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January 30, 2018 at 02:24PM from The Babylon Bee
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DALLAS, TX—He’s already won the most important secular position in the land, but President Donald Trump has now been nominated for a higher calling: his name was anonymously submitted as a candidate for the presidency of the Southern Baptist Convention. Going up against tough competition like early favorite J.D. Greear, Trump nonetheless has been polling […]

. . . finish reading Donald Trump Nominated For Southern Baptist Convention Presidency.


via The Babylon Bee
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Jordan Peterson Convinces Pile Of Clean Laundry To Sort Itself Out

1/30/2018

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January 30, 2018 at 12:14PM from The Babylon Bee
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TORONTO, CANADA—After noting that the pile of clean laundry was still sitting on the kitchen table where he had left it the previous day, clinical psychologist and University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson reportedly sat down with the clothing Tuesday and convinced it to sort itself out, reports confirmed. “You can’t just keep lying around […]

. . . finish reading Jordan Peterson Convinces Pile Of Clean Laundry To Sort Itself Out.


via The Babylon Bee
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Senate Democrats Refuse To Grant Legal Status To Children Dreaming Of Being Born

1/29/2018

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January 29, 2018 at 06:00PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, DC—Voting down a measure that would have banned most abortions after 20 weeks gestation, Senate Democrats on Monday refused to grant legal status to millions of unborn children dreaming of one day being born. House Republicans passed a bill last week that would guarantee citizens’ rights for U.S. children over 20 weeks gestation, the […]

. . . finish reading Senate Democrats Refuse To Grant Legal Status To Children Dreaming Of Being Born.


via The Babylon Bee
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Couple Has Baby Just To Be Admitted Into Church Social Circles

1/29/2018

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January 29, 2018 at 03:20PM from The Babylon Bee
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VARLEY, NC—In an attempt to be admitted into the inner circles of Grace Baptist Church’s bustling social life, local woman Christy Anderson and her husband Jim recently had their first child, sources confirmed Monday. The couple had made the decision to wait a few years before trying, but when they realized they were being excluded […]

. . . finish reading Couple Has Baby Just To Be Admitted Into Church Social Circles.


via The Babylon Bee
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