As the nation continues to grow more and more polarized, we find ourselves encountering worldviews diametrically opposed to our own day in and day out, especially on the internet. How do we effectively engage with those viewpoints? We took a poll of all 7 billion people on the planet—not only the men, but the women […]

The post How To Argue On The Internet: A Step-By-Step Guide appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WORLD—Multiple extremely reliable sources reported on Good Friday that “it is finished,” with your immeasurably great sin debt having been paid in full on the cross by the Son of God himself, Jesus Christ. The unthinkable sacrifice to atone for your sin and guilt was reportedly accomplished some 2,000 years ago, once and for all, […]

The post Report: It Is Finished appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

BOSTON, MA—A team of mathematicians at Harvard has been tracking the rapid rate of resignations and firings of White House personnel, and the group has calculated that President Trump will be the sole remaining member of the White House by approximately 2 p.m. tomorrow. Unsustainable rates of White House staffers resigning and getting fired confirm […]

The post Trump Projected To Be Last Remaining Member Of White House By 2 P.M. Tomorrow appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—A new study performed by the Pew Research Center found that 56% of those who become Christians are saved as a direct result of clever slogans on Christian T-shirts that parody popular brand names. “When unbelievers behold the glory of a T-shirt that has the Reese’s logo modified to say ‘Jesus’ instead, it seems they […]

The post Report: 56% Of All Conversions Direct Result Of Christian T-Shirt Parodies appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—On an online discussion board Wednesday morning, up-and-coming theological prodigy Bradley Jensen excitedly created a new thread to point out his recent discovery of the remarkable similarities between CS Lewis’s fictional feline character, Aslan, and Jesus of Nazareth, sources confirmed. “Am I the only one who’s noticed that Aslan sacrificed himself for the […]

The post Theological Prodigy Points Out Similarities Between Aslan, Jesus appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Our investigative team at The Babylon Bee (consisting of one 16-year-old kid on the internet who told us he had some good computer hacking skills and begged us to work here) has been granted an exclusive inside scoop on seven upcoming Disney princesses, confirmed to our investigator by an inside source at the Walt Disney […]

The post Exclusive Reveal: 7 Upcoming Progressive Disney Princesses appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Oh man, this must have been an awkward situation for the president. Rumor has it Mr. Trump had a hankering for a few cheeseburgers yesterday, so he had his security detail take him on down to a local McDonald’s. After he placed his order and went to pay, sources say his nervous cashier had to […]

The post Embarrassing: Trump Tried To Use A Government Debit Card To Buy Some McDonald’s Cheeseburgers But The Account Was $21 Trillion In The Red appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Brought to you by  HARTFORD, CT—St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church prides itself on staying on the cutting edge of progressive theology and practice. This steadfast commitment is apparent in many aspects of the ministry’s church life, including its recent decision to remove all “toxic” pew Bibles and replace them with “life-giving” adult coloring books. “I hadn’t […]

The post Progressive Church Replaces Pew Bibles With Adult Coloring Books appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

The national movement for gun control marches forward, and we brave, smart, altruistic students are at the forefront of the fight. We are diverse in our goals and our backgrounds. Some are content to call for stricter background checks, some want to go further and ban certain types of guns and rifles, some want to […]

The post Opinion: I Will Stop At Nothing To Take Away Your Constitutional Rights—Whoa Bro, Why Are You Attacking Me, I’m Just A Kid! appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

ISRAEL—New documents released by the Society of Biblical Scholars confirm that the Resurrection of Christ was merely a complex April Fool’s Day joke that got the disciples who pulled the prank off tortured or martyred or both. Peter, James, John, Mary, and Martha all reportedly put their heads together and came up with the classic […]

The post Confirmed: Resurrection Was Complex April Fool’s Day Joke That Got Disciples Tortured, Killed appeared first on The Babylon Bee.