CHARLESTON, SC — Local man Steve Rollins juked and spun his way past church greeters during a visit to First Baptist Church today, stunning church staff with his world-class elusiveness.

DEATH STAR — In a massive technological breakthrough, the Galactic Empire has at last developed a door that doesn't simply open when you shoot the control panel with a blaster.

THE ARK — After two weeks sailing upon the flood waters in the ark, Noah began to think that bringing the woodpeckers along may have been a bad idea.

THE ARK — After two weeks sailing upon the flood waters in the ark, Noah began to think that bringing the woodpeckers along may have been a bad idea.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Biden campaign has added a stunt double that will step in for the President to perform high-risk stair scenes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Biden campaign has added a stunt double that will step in for the President to perform high-risk stair scenes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House today turned over press conference duties to President Biden's cue card, who hosted the press corps solo as Biden himself was out sick.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House today turned over press conference duties to President Biden's cue card, who hosted the press corps solo as Biden himself was out sick.

U.S. — Facing increasing criticism over her handling of school closures around the country during the COVID-19 pandemic, United Federation of Teachers President Randi Weingarten defended herself by saying her actual intention was to open schools in the Opposite World.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite the addition of other candidates seeking the Democratic Party's nomination in the 2024 Presidential Election, incumbent Joe Biden's campaign has announced the President will not be participating in the debates due to the looming strike of the Writers Guild of America.