Brought to you by:

The post 7 Ways Christianity Ruined Science appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Experts have issued a dire warning to the nation that the lifting of mask mandates, business closures, and capacity limits in Texas and Mississippi could contribute to the spread of liberty across the nation.

The post Experts Warn Lifting Mask Mandates Could Contribute To Dangerous Spread Of Freedom appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HELL—If Hell is known for one thing, it’s punishing fires of eternal damnation. It’s reportedly worse for men, though, because while they are tormented by searing heat unlike the mind can imagine, the women in hell keep trying to turn the thermostat up.

The post Report: Women In Hell Still Trying To Turn Up The Thermostat appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

JACKSON, MS—Shortly after Texas made national news by lifting its mask mandates, Governor Tate Reeves of Mississippi also announced a complete lifting of his statewide mandates, reminding everyone that Mississippi is a state in the country that exists and has people in it.

The post Mississippi Lifts Mask Mandates, Reminding Everyone They Are A State That Exists appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

ALBANY, NY—New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's political career is in freefall after new allegations of sexual misconduct from several women. In a desperate attempt to divert attention from the embarrassing sex scandal, Cuomo took to the airwaves today to remind everyone of the time he killed a bunch of seniors in nursing homes. 

The post Cuomo Tries To Divert Attention From Sex Scandal By Reminding Everyone Of Nursing Home Scandal appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

AUSTIN, TX—Governor Greg Abbott of Texas has just lifted the mask mandate and is allowing business to return to 100% capacity. The Governor explains that in these trying times, extreme measures must be taken to stop the spread of Californians into Texas and to scare them off from ever wanting to return. 

The post Texas Removes Mask Mandate To Scare All The Californians Away appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HOUSTON, TX—Dozens of Bible verses have come forward over the past several weeks to accuse Joel Osteen of abuse. Verses from books ranging from Genesis and Exodus all the way to Jude and Revelation have spoken out, saying that Osteen abused them, exploited them, and heartlessly ripped them out of context for years.

The post Dozens Of Bible Verses Come Forward To Accuse Joel Osteen Of Abuse appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

NEW YORK, NY—Penguin Random House has announced a revised, more socially acceptable version of the popular Dr. Seuss book Oh, the Places You'll Go, which was pulled from store shelves for racism and also for the suggestion that you should go places during a pandemic.

The post Penguin Random House Announces Revised Dr. Seuss Book 'Oh, The People You'll Cancel!' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Brought to you by:

The post Public School Teachers Issue Students Their Summer Book-Burning Lists appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

If there’s one thing Christians worry about with their kids, it’s that their children will one day grow up and vote for Democrats. If that happens, that’s because you raised your children wrong. Don't worry-- we're here to help! Here are the signs to look for that suggest your innocent little child may become a horrible, Democrat-voting adult:

The post Are Your Kids Going To Grow Up To Be Democrats? Know The Warning Signs appeared first on The Babylon Bee.