U.S.— Across the country homeschoolers are feeling a sense of relief that they are not the only ones who are socially awkward and poor communicators. Due to the prolonged lockdowns and social distancing, most Americans are now facing challenges with speaking to other people. 

The post Homeschoolers Relieved Now That Everyone Else Is Just As Socially Awkward As They Are appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

KATY, TX—Local woman Wendy Bryerson announced today she will not be confirming any of her husband Jake's restaurant nominations.

The post Wife Refuses To Confirm Any Of Husband's Restaurant Nominations appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Clad in tribal furs and leather, President Trump shouted this morning that he will only transfer power if a challenger beats him in a one-on-one spear fight.

The post Trump Announces He Will Only Leave Office If A Challenger Beats Him In Ritual Combat appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HOUSTON, TX—Americans cheered this week as officials from the Johnson Space Center announced detailed plans for sending the first female astronaut to the moon. In addition to walking on the moon, the chosen candidate will also have the privilege of being the first to plant a "Live, Laugh, Love" sign on the lunar surface.

The post NASA To Send Female Astronaut To Moon To Plant Historic 'Live, Laugh, Love' Sign appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WILMINGTON, DE—There have been some suggestions that presidential candidate Joe Biden has been using a teleprompter when he’s supposed to be spontaneously answering questions. The campaign has vigorously denied this, but the charge has resurfaced because of an unusual answer Biden gave recently at a video townhall.

The post Biden: 'It's Ridiculous To Say I Use A Teleprompter And Your PC Ran Into A Problem And Needs To Restart' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SACRAMENTO, CA—Gavin Newsom, governor of the state with the highest people-to-electricity ratio in the nation, banned gasoline cars yesterday via executive order. The order takes effect in 2035, meaning by that time, everyone in the state with no electricity will only be able to plug in their cars to the power grid that does not work.

The post State With No Electricity Orders Everyone To Drive Cars That Run On Electricity appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference today, Dr. Anthony Fauci announced to all his loyal fans that the pandemic which took the world by storm in 2020 would be returning for a second season in 2021. According to sources, the decision to renew the dramatic event for yet another year came after intense negotiations between investors, Hollywood actors, and television networks.  

The post Fauci Renews Pandemic For Highly Anticipated Season 2 appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

COLUMBUS, OH—According to sources, local insurance salesman Bob Brown has come up with a clever solution for maintaining his Christian testimony in spite of being one of the worst drivers to ever be allowed on public roads in history. To avoid making a bad name for Christians, he cleverly covered the entire back of his car with atheist bumper stickers.

The post Clever: This Christian Is A Bad Driver, So He Put Atheist Bumper Stickers All Over His Car appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—With the increasing likelihood of Justice Ginsburg's empty seat being filled by a pro-life judge, Republicans in the House and Senate are growing nervous that Roe v. Wade could actually be overturned, completely erasing all possible reasons anyone would ever vote for them. 

The post Republicans Nervous Roe V. Wade Could Be Overturned, Eliminating Any Reason To Vote For Them appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, DC—At a somber ceremony this morning, leading government officials announced that the US Constitution, the oldest surviving national constitution and the founding document of the world’s leading democracy, will be entirely replaced by the last wishes of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

The post Constitution To Be Replaced By List Of Ginsburg's Last Wishes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.