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Mom Embarrasses Teen Son By Existing In Public

2/6/2023

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WATERTOWN, SD — A local mother caused irreparable harm to her teenage son today, committing the cardinal sin of existing outside of the family home and being visible to anyone he knows.


Mom Embarrasses Teen Son By Existing In Public,
February 06, 2023 at 02:08PM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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Horrified Satan Distances Self From Grammys

2/6/2023

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LOS ANGELES, CA — In a rare public statement, The Prince of Darkness has distanced himself from last night's Grammys performance by Sam Smith, which he denounced as "cringy" and "appalling."


Horrified Satan Distances Self From Grammys,
February 06, 2023 at 10:21AM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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Man Narrowly Escapes Peace Of Mind With Well-Timed Twitter Visit

2/6/2023

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LA JOLLA, CA — Local man Josiah Burt veered dangerously close to ending his day in peace after hours of productive work, family time, and spiritual sensitivity. Reports say that while brushing his teeth, he visited Twitter, barely saving him from a sense of calm and well-being lasting into bedtime.


Man Narrowly Escapes Peace Of Mind With Well-Timed Twitter Visit,
February 06, 2023 at 09:58AM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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Biden Spending All Night In Bacta Tank In Preparation For State Of The Union

2/6/2023

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, President Biden's team is planning to submerge the President in a bacta tank tonight so his mind and body will be prepared for his upcoming State of the Union address. White House aides are hopeful the Bacta fluid will put a skip in the elderly president's step and sharpen his mind to at least 2008 levels so that he'll be able to form a complete sentence.


Biden Spending All Night In Bacta Tank In Preparation For State Of The Union,
February 06, 2023 at 04:16PM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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Mom Embarrasses Teen Son By Existing In Public

2/6/2023

Comments

 

WATERTOWN, SD — A local mother caused irreparable harm to her teenage son today, committing the cardinal sin of existing outside of the family home and being visible to anyone he knows.


Mom Embarrasses Teen Son By Existing In Public,
February 06, 2023 at 02:08PM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
Comments

Horrified Satan Distances Self From Grammys

2/6/2023

Comments

 

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a rare public statement, The Prince of Darkness has distanced himself from last night's Grammys performance by Sam Smith, which he denounced as "cringy" and "appalling."


Horrified Satan Distances Self From Grammys,
February 06, 2023 at 10:21AM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
Comments

Man Narrowly Escapes Peace Of Mind With Well-Timed Twitter Visit

2/6/2023

Comments

 

LA JOLLA, CA — Local man Josiah Burt veered dangerously close to ending his day in peace after hours of productive work, family time, and spiritual sensitivity. Reports say that while brushing his teeth, he visited Twitter, barely saving him from a sense of calm and well-being lasting into bedtime.


Man Narrowly Escapes Peace Of Mind With Well-Timed Twitter Visit,
February 06, 2023 at 09:58AM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
Comments

China Assures Warships Heading For Taiwan Are Just Meteorological Warships

2/6/2023

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BEIJING — The Chinese Communist Party has assured world leaders that the massive fleet of warships heading toward Taiwan is just checking on the weather in the Taiwan Strait.


China Assures Warships Heading For Taiwan Are Just Meteorological Warships,
February 05, 2023 at 02:11PM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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Pastor Disqualified After Failing To Put 'Husband. Father. Pastor.' In His Twitter Bio

2/6/2023

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HUNTSVILLE, AL — Despite having faithfully shepherded his congregation for twelve years, local Pastor Reagan Johnson has been removed from his post after a concerned congregant notified the elder board of his failing to have "Husband. Father. Pastor." in his bio on Twitter.


Pastor Disqualified After Failing To Put 'Husband. Father. Pastor.' In His Twitter Bio,
February 05, 2023 at 01:47PM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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Token Middle-Aged Overweight Bald Guy Joins Worship Band

2/6/2023

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ODESSA, TX — Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.


Token Middle-Aged, Overweight Bald Guy Joins Worship Band,
February 05, 2023 at 12:38PM from Babylon Bee, at Babylon Bee

Click on the headline to read the full article at Babylon Bee
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