ATLANTA, GA—CNN executives were baffled by a large crowd outside their offices and in their lobby Friday, not having seen an audience that size in many years.

The post CNN Draws Largest Crowd In Years appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Thousands of church greeters across the nation have been laid off as their services are not allowed at this time.

The post Thousands Of Church Greeters Laid Off appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

GENEVA—WHO scientists have confirmed that the coronavirus only spreads at problematic protests, like conservative rallies, Trump campaign events, and Second Amendment rights demonstrations. The study found that the coronavirus will not spread at progressive protests or violent riots.

The post WHO Scientists Confirm Coronavirus Only Spreads At Conservative Protests appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter has rolled out a new warning label and fact-check system to call out tweets that are false, like when President Trump says anything at all.

The post Twitter Labels Chinese Propaganda 'Morally True' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SACRAMENTO, CA—California Governor Gavin Newsom has said he’s been trying a science-based approach to decide when to shut down and when to reopen his state. “I listen to SCIENCE because I am a good boy,” he recently tweeted. But now there is doubt about Newsom’s approach, as it’s been revealed that the main scientist Newsom has been listening to is actually a bunch of raccoons stuffed in a lab coat.

The post Oh No! The Scientist Gavin Newsom Has Been Listening To Is Actually A Bunch Of Raccoons Stuffed In A Lab Coat appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for 5/29/2020.

The post Podcast: Worship Song Generator appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Colin Kaepernick arrived at the Minneapolis riots last night, saying he was excited to be a part of the looting and violence.

The post Rioters Decline To Sign Colin Kaepernick appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

CHICAGO, IL—The Devil's Thugs are a notorious Chicago gang, dealing mostly in money laundering, people-shooting, and graffitiing their gang's name onto signs so you'll know they're legit. Their leader and founder, Bob Thug, was frightened this past Sunday as he heard police sirens coming toward their secret hideout, which is an abandoned warehouse that says "No Gangs in Here" on the sign out front.

The post Chicago Gang Member Relieved To Discover All These Cops Just Here To Raid A Church appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—A new study has found that executive abuses of power are only a big deal when the other political party is in power.

The post Study Finds You Should Only Worry About Executive Overreach When The Other Party Is In Power appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

ISRAEL—The Times of Israel has released stunning new pictures from Galilee, where archaeologists have discovered the hip coffee shop where Jesus conducted small group meetings at the start of his ministry. Based on evidence from inscriptions, remains, and preserved scrolls found at the site, the establishment was called "Hebrews Coffee" and was well-known as the coolest hangout spot for devotions and prayer in northern Israel. 

The post Archaeologists Unearth Galilean Coffee Shop Where Jesus Held Small Group appeared first on The Babylon Bee.