It happened again! The Babylon Bee team got to sit down with Twitter's new boss to discuss Twitter, free speech, and Elon's relationship with Jesus (maybe).

In case you haven't heard, everything is woke now! This includes all your favorite places to shop. Since you can't swing a dead cat without hitting something woke, you may be left wondering if you can shop anywhere anymore.

U.S. — According to sources, former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will announce his candidacy for president next week. Already, several political analysts are predicting that he will eat the competition's lunch.

UGANDA — With Target boycotts sweeping the nation, the company has been forced to send pallets of unsold Pride merchandise to impoverished tribes in Africa. International aid workers are frustrated, however, as none of the poor children will accept the free clothing.

It happened again! The Babylon Bee team got to sit down with Twitter's new boss to discuss Twitter, free speech, and Elon's relationship with Jesus (maybe).

In case you haven't heard, everything is woke now! This includes all your favorite places to shop. Since you can't swing a dead cat without hitting something woke, you may be left wondering if you can shop anywhere anymore.

CHICAGO, IL — Today marked the end of an era, as the Mafia announced it was officially closing its Chicago branch due to the rising wave of violent crime in the city.

LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — Surprising findings from a new study show retail chain Target going "woke" has quickly resulted in more families getting themselves out of crippling debt than financial guru Dave Ramsey.

CONWAY, AR — Local man Dirk Chonkleton has expressed frustration at what he describes as a concerning trend occurring in his local town, claiming, with deep aggravation, that anti-gun protestors show up every time he leaves his home wearing a tank top.

Christianity has been producing superior metal since David's imprecatory Psalms. We had our team of experts scour thousands of years of face-melting Jesus music and compile a definitive list of the greatest Christian metal bands of all time.