HOLLYWOOD, CA—In a push for inclusivity, actors across Hollywood resigned from their roles today and took a pledge never to take a role where they have to act like someone they are not.

The post Hollywood Actors Pledge Never To Take A Role Where They Have To Pretend To Be Someone Else appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

OGDEN, UT—After a supremely disappointing decision from the Supreme Court, local Christian Paulson McPaully has reported a brief inclination to start placing his hope in God.

The post Christian Briefly Considers Placing Hope In God After Supreme Court Lets Him Down Again appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The NBA has a new rule: players must stay six feet apart from each other at all times. Despite this rule, though, James Harden is still somehow getting fouled from six feet away.

The post James Harden Still Getting Fouled Despite 6-Foot Social Distancing Rule appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A controversial video went viral Monday showing President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump brandishing guns as a mostly peaceful group of reporters approached the White House. Trump held an AR-15 and Melania waved around a semiautomatic pistol as reporters neared the White House, presumably to ask questions.

The post Controversial Video Shows Trump And Melania Brandishing Guns As Reporters Near White House appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

BURBANK, CA—Equality has finally covered the world like a literal, worldwide flood: Disney announced today that Winnie the Pooh will now be voiced by an actual grizzly bear.

The post Equality At Last: Disney Confirms Winnie The Pooh Will Now Be Voiced By An Actual Bear appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

The post Growing Up Hinn: The Costi Hinn Interview appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Democrats across the country prepared to celebrate Dependence Day this week, an annual holiday where they reflect upon their complete and total dependence on the government.

The post Democrats Prepare To Celebrate Dependence Day appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HEAVEN—A spokesperson for the Most High God confirmed that God will be ending humanity before any remake of The Princess Bride can be released.

The post Merciful God Vows To End Humanity Before 'The Princess Bride' Can Be Remade appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

BOCA RATON, FL—Ventriloquist Reggie Glowman and his sidekick dummy Dingo have been struggling to book performances for the last 20 years. Glowman would have described himself as an average ventriloquist, but recently, his talents have skyrocketed. As venues begin to reopen, but require masks, the 46-year-old performer discovered he can sing and say any letter or word sound he wants without the audience seeing his lips move.

The post Ventriloquist Takes Act To Next Level Thanks To COVID Mask appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts wrote in his decision ruling against restrictions on abortion today, "We can't just overturn precedent," though he presides over the highest court of a nation where slavery was once legal.

The post ‘We Can't Just Overturn Precedent,’ Says Supreme Court Justice Of Nation Where Slavery Was Once Legal appeared first on The Babylon Bee.