Whether it's because you care about the environment or because you think meat is icky, you're trying to wean yourself off the stuff. That's great! You're a good person, you know that? 

The post You Don't Need All That Grilled Meat: Try These 7 Great Meat Substitutes! appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vice President Kamala Harris visited The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier on Memorial Day to pay her respects, and also to remind the fallen soldier to enjoy the long weekend. 

The post Kamala Harris Visits Tomb Of Unknown Soldier To Tell Him To Enjoy The Long Weekend appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—America was united for a time of mourning and remembrance as they honored the men and women who gave their lives for the cause of freedom. This year's holiday was especially poignant as citizens remembered fallen soldier Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for her service on January 6th.

The post On Memorial Day, America Honors Fallen Soldier AOC For Her Service On January 6th appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Senate has voted against creating a January 6th commission to investigate the Capitol riots. As a result, it would seem the events of that day will forever remain shrouded in complete darkness and mystery.

The post With Commission Voted Down, Events Of January 6th To Forever Remain A Mystery appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Well, it looks like the 2024 presidential race is kicking off, with former (and possibly future) President Donald Trump running his first set of ads on the television screens at gas pumps across the nation.

The post Brilliant: Trump Begins Running 2024 Campaign Ads On Gas Pumps appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki announced today that President Biden has created an account on amateur porn site OnlyFans to share sensual photos and videos of himself eating ice cream with his admirers in the mainstream media.

The post Biden Creates OnlyFans Account To Share Exclusive Ice Cream Eating Pics With Journalists appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has voted down a proposed commission to look into the events of January 6th after everyone realized that Trump actually won the election fair and square in 2020. 

The post Jan 6th Commission Canceled After Everyone Agrees Trump Won Election Fair And Square appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SAN DIEGO, CHINA—Conquered Americans laboring away among other undesirables in a Chinese prison camp remember fondly how the American military, when it was still around, was a fully inclusive institution.

The post 'At Least Our Military Was Inclusive,' Says Conquered American Working In Chinese Prison Camp In Year 2025 appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A beltway McDonald’s caused a major traffic jam yesterday, as the drive-thru backed up for miles while Dr. Fauci spent several hours trying to decide the right order.

The post McDonald's Drive Thru Backs Up For Miles As Dr. Fauci Keeps Changing His Mind appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

CLEVELAND, OH—President Joe Biden wowed reporters again with his love for ice cream. Biden had gone to Honey Hut Ice Cream, and while he waited for his order, a FOX News reporter approached Biden to ask him a question.

The post Reporters Cheer As Biden Takes Huge Bite Out Of Microphone Mistaking It For Ice Cream appeared first on The Babylon Bee.