BANGOR, ME—According to sources, local 36-year-old man Ryan Winkley recently decided to start running every day to improve his physical health, but oh no! After only one day he already has 7 new injuries!

The post Man Tries Running To Boost Health And Oh No! He Now Has 7 New Injuries! appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

PHILADELPHIA, PA—In interviews this week, transgender swimmer Lia Thomas posed in front of a display case filled with recently won trophies and confirmed that biological males competing against women pose no threat to women's sports.

The post 'Trans Women Do Not Have An Advantage In Women's Sports,' Says Lia Thomas Standing In Front Of Case Filled With Trophies appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom was spotted Tuesday morning shopping for ivermectin at Sutter's Stallion Emporium in downtown Sacramento, leading to rampant speculation that he's planning to use the horse de-wormer to treat his Coronavirus infection.

The post Newsom Seen In Shades At Feed Store Buying Ivermectin appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

Brought to you by:

The post 10 Best Ways To Celebrate Pride Month appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

EARTH’S CORE—In record time, Hell’s construction crew has completed work on their new extra-hot section of Hades. Sources confirm that this offshoot of the lake of fire is in closer proximity to the white-hot furnace flames, and has been prepared for people who bring children to drag shows.

The post Hell Adds Extra-Hot Section For People Who Bring Kids To Drag Shows appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SACRAMENTO, CA—California governor Gavin Newsom announced he had contracted COVID-19 but, thanks to being vaccinated, quadruple-boosted, and receiving a quintuple boost—for elites only—was experiencing only mild symptoms. 

The post Gavin Newsom Can't Understand How He Got COVID When All His Servants Are Masked appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—According to sources, local man Dale Smithers is bemoaning the passing of the good old days back when country music was about the kind of hoes you farm with.

The post Man Misses Good Old Days When Country Music Was About The Kind Of Hoes You Farm With appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has put on her angry eyebrows after hearing that her husband was arrested for drunk driving over the holiday weekend.

The post Pelosi Puts On Her Angry Eyebrows After Hearing Husband Was Arrested appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have unveiled an official proposal to replace Memorial Day, which they are calling "a problematic holiday honoring white supremacist soldiers who died for the racist country of America," with a more inclusive day: Misgenderorial Day, a holiday set aside to honor everyone who has been misgendered.

The post Democrats Propose Replacing Memorial Day With Day Honoring Those Who Have Been Misgendered appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

CAIRO—Nautical archaeologists have at last discovered the exact location of where the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, having found a rock reading "Moses Wuz Here".

The post Archaeologists Have Just Discovered CONCLUSIVE PROOF Of The Bible: A Rock In The Red Sea That Says 'Moses Wuz Here' appeared first on The Babylon Bee.